Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Category: Spirit (Page 37 of 49)

Man choosing path in a wood

The Most Impactful Choice You’ll Make This (or any other) Year: Randomness, Distraction, or Story?

October 5, 2019 / / 0 Comments

I believe most people choose one of the three following ways of living:

1. EMBRACE RANDOMNESS – We are a cosmic accident, the by-product of time + matter + energy + chance. There is no overall meaning or purpose to life, rather we each find our own meaning however we can. We live out our lives as temporary residents of a chaotic universe, then we die and pass into the nothingness from which we came. The universe rolls on unaware and uncaring. The best way to live is to embrace this hard truth.

2. EMBRACE DISTRACTION – Don’t think about the big questions – where did I come from? Why am I here? Where am I going? They are either uninteresting, unsettling, or unknowable. Stay busy – work, play, deal with problems, sleep. Stay distracted – TV, social media, eating, drinking, music, hobbies, relationships. Use them to fill the silence whenever we feel a nagging sense of hopeless or the emergence of the persistent underlying question “What is it all for? What does it all mean?” The best way to live is to get through each day as best you can.

3. EMBRACE STORY – There’s a Great Story being told, one we’ve fallen into and in which we all have a part to play. There’s an Author, a Director, a Weaver, and our life is one small colored thread in a massive, beautiful tapestry whose design we can’t yet fully see. We were born into the ultimate tale of Love, Adventure, and Romance. The Great Story is heading toward a dramatic conclusion, and we will share in a real happily ever after. The best way to live is to discover our part and enjoy playing it.

Which do you choose? Each one has pros and cons. None can be conclusively proven. All have many highly intelligent adherents. There are compelling arguments that can be made for all three. Listing those here is not my goal. I’d encourage you to consider your personal experiences along with the intellectual arguments for each option and decide for yourself.

I’ve weighed these competing world-views in my own life and have chosen to Embrace Story. Why? Firstly, because I’ve had numerous personal, subjective experiences that lead me to believe that it’s true. Secondly, I find the intellectual arguments for Story to be the most compelling (specifically the way the Story world-view explains the Existence of the Universe, the Fine-Tuning of the Universe, the Existence of Objective Morality, etc.) Finally, since none of the three can be conclusively proven, why not choose the most beautiful option? Why not select hope? Even if I’m wrong and Randomness is the true nature of the universe, in the end, what will I have lost by choosing to embrace Story?

Over the course of my fifty years, I, like everyone else, have had ups and downs, joys and struggles, incredible victories and staggering defeats. I’ve enjoyed moments of life-giving clarity and endured times of spirit-wrenching doubt. Through it all, I’ve discovered that embracing Story, getting to know the Author, and discovering my part to play has given me a sense of peace, joy, love, hope, direction, purpose, meaning, and fulfillment like nothing else I’ve ever found.

My sincere hope is that whatever world-view you select, one of these three or some variation, leads you to these same gifts. Choose well, and you’ll take a giant leap toward Becoming Yourself.

Some resources that have helped shape my thinking on the Embrace Story world-view:

The Sacred Romance by John Eldredge

Epic by John Eldredge

Another Name for Every Thing podcast by Richard Rohr (available wherever you listen to podcasts)

What Ancient Cedar Trees Taught Me About My Problems

September 21, 2019 / / 0 Comments

After a long day of editing one of my novels, I was feeling brain dead and ready to crash in front of the TV. For whatever reason, I got a strong sense that I should take a walk instead. Trusting the intuition or God’s nudge or whatever it was, I grabbed my keys and headed out.

I wandered with no particular destination in mind. I had my headphones in, but rather than turn on an audio book or podcast, I just enjoyed the quiet. As I passed houses and apartments, I admired the architecture and wondered about the lives of the people who lived there.

I soon found myself in Capitol Park, one of my favorite haunts. It’s an island of curved paths, soaring trees, and green grass in the middle of bustling downtown Sacramento. I ambled slowly, without an agenda, soaking in the calm surroundings. Crossing the lawn in front of the striking dome of the State Capitol Building, I walked over to my favorite trees, a row of towering deodar cedars. Something about their massive girth, rough bark, giant limbs, and open foliage has always captured my imagination.

As I stood gazing up at these wooden monoliths, I thought of all that they had seen and withstood over their one-hundred and fifty years. The city has literally grown up around them. Storms have come and gone. Political leaders have changed. People have lived and died. Rain-soaked winters have yielded to sun-drenched summers. And still they stand.

It helped me see my problems in a new light. I often get worried and anxious about my day-to-day struggles. They can seem so big and important and long-lasting. But against the backdrop of these trees, somehow they began to feel smaller, more temporary, less weighty. As I stood beneath these ancient cedars, I could almost hear them whisper, Take a deep breath. Storms pass. Everything’s going to be okay.

I walked home feeling more full, open, and at peace than I have in a long time. I said a prayer of thanks for the message of the trees.

What I’m about to suggest is neither profound nor a miracle cure. It won’t make your problems go away, be they big or small. But if your day-to-day struggles are looming large or if you’re feeling a little overwhelmed, try taking a walk. Amble slowly. Let your thoughts wander. Take in whatever beauty you can find around you. Listen to the trees. You just might find a healthier perspective and a little peace. And you’ll have taken another step toward Becoming Yourself.

That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.

The Bible, 2nd Corinthians 4:16-18 (New Living Translation)
Photo by John Baker on Unsplash

Why Am I Here? Find Freedom and Focus with an Answer to One of Life’s Biggest Questions

August 31, 2019 / / 4 Comments

Photo by Marion Michele on Unsplash

Why am I here? Why do I even exist? Have you ever asked yourself that big question? Do you ever wrestle with a nagging sense of responsibility? The feeling that you should be spending your life well but not being sure what that actually means?

I was struggling with this question back in college and came up with an answer. Thirty years later, it’s still serving me well. Having a working response to “Why am I here?” grounds me, gives me relief from guilt, and provides an overall sense of direction and focus for my life. My specific answers may not be right for you, but I hope that reading them will help you come up with your own. So here’s my take. I exist to do 4 things:

Photo by Bethany Legg on Unsplash

1. KNOW GOD – You may not believe in God. I get that. If so, feel free to skip to #2. My belief in God is based on a lot of very subjective personal experiences and some rational arguments that, while certainly not conclusive, are more compelling to me than the counter positions. I could be wrong on that score, but that’s where I’m at now. For me, this is my most important reason for existing because all my other reasons flow from it. I’ve found that pursuing a personal relationship with God fuels the other three things on my list while giving me comfort, hope, meaning and much more. 

Photo by Rendiansyah Nugroho on Unsplash

2. KNOW MYSELF – If you’ve read any of my other Becoming Yourself blog posts, you probably know that self-knowledge is a pretty big deal to me. I need a really good handle on who I am in order to become who I want to be. A sometimes painful peeling of the layers of my own proverbial onion is necessary for personal development. Since this is key to a rich, satisfying life, it comes in at #2 on my list. Here’s a few of my favorite quotes on this topic:

“All spiritual growth is no more than a matter of becoming who we already are.”  Richard Rohr

“The early Buddhist view is that much or most of the misery of human life resulted from the false view of self.”  Parfit

“To that which Thou hast made me, I aspire.”  George MacDonald

3. HELP OTHERS – Most of us would probably agree with this one, but have you ever wondered why? First off, I believe that if some objective standard of Right and Wrong exists, helping other people falls on the “Right” side of things. Second, the Golden Rule I learned as a kid still applies (“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Jesus in Luke 6:31) I definitely need and want people to help me, so it makes sense to reciprocate. Third, it makes me feel good. Giving some of my time, talents, effort, and money to lighten someone else’s load gives me good vibes in return.

Photo by Matt Collamer on Unsplash

I’m reminded of another reason for helping others – it has a positive ripple effect. My wife Lisa and I were returning from our walk one morning when we passed a disheveled elderly man yelling something at people in the park. Unfortunately, homelessness is a common problem for many in Sacramento, so he was being ignored. As I listened, I realized he wasn’t being belligerent but asking for help. I said good morning and asked him what he needed. He explained he’d just been released from the hospital and was trying to get back to his house, about a ten minute drive away. We don’t have a car in Sacramento so we called him a Lyft and explained the situation to the driver. Once we were sure she was comfortable taking the man home for us, we got him buckled into her car, paid for the ride and gave the driver a good tip.

As the Lyft was pulling away, a man walking his dog asked us if everything was all right. After we told him what had happened, he thanked us for what we’d done. He said if we all took the time to do small things like that to help each other, then we wouldn’t need as many government social programs. I was reminded that when I help people, I motivate others to do the same.

Photo by Artem Bali on Unsplash

4. ENJOY LIFE – I think that enjoying life is not just fun and relaxing but one of my key reasons for being. It makes me much more pleasant to be around and fills my emotional tank, which helps me live out the other three reasons listed above. Spending time doing things I enjoy reminds me that I’m a human being not a human doing. I could be wrong, but I think I’m more than a cosmic accident of time + matter + energy + chance. I believe I was made for joy and a relationship with God (“I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy would be complete.” Jesus in John 15:11). Lisa and I had our kids not so they could produce work but so that we could enjoy them and they could enjoy life. I think God did the same in creating me.

Photo by John Baker on Unsplash

So how about you? Why are you here? Why do you think you exist? What reasons would make your list? Take a few minutes today to think it through. Keep your answer short. Make it simple. Easy to remember. Enjoy the freedom and focus that having an answer brings. Use it as a framework to build your life around. Let it guide your future plans and daily decisions. If you do, you’ll take another giant step toward Becoming Yourself.

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