A long time ago I was making small talk with someone when he started talking about extra-marital affairs. I had asked him why he changed jobs. He said he left his old career because cheating on your spouse was rampant in that industry. To get away from that environment, he moved to a more family-oriented occupation. I admired him for that. A year after our conversation he had an affair with someone at his new job.
What happened? This man took a big proactive step to be the kind of person he wanted to be. He changed his outward situation and still made the exact mistake he was trying to avoid. Why? I think it was because he didn’t change on the inside. At least not enough or in the right ways. His old job, while a negative environment that I applaud him for getting away from, turned out not to be the real issue. He just carried his problems and struggles with him to a new place.
Please hear me clearly, I am not throwing stones at this guy. I know myself well enough to remember how I’ve failed in various ways in the past and how vulnerable I am to failing again in the future. We all have our issues. We’ve all fallen short of the person we want to be, many times. I use that story to remind me that if I want to become my best self, I have to own my own problems vs. blaming other people or my circumstances for my shortcomings.
Here’s the difficult truth I have to embrace – the biggest problem I have in becoming the person I want to be is ME. Not my job. Not my spouse. Not how much money I have. Not my kids. Not my circumstance. It’s me. My attitude. My choices. My perspective. My thoughts. My actions. Me. And, if you’re like me, I’m guessing your biggest problem is you.
Some of you have found yourselves in very difficult circumstances that you had no hand in creating. Some of you have a much harder life than most through no fault of your own. I get that, I really do. I feel deeply sorry for your pain. But thinking of yourself as a victim will not help you. Whatever hand you’ve been dealt, decide to play it the best you can. You often can’t control what happens to you but you can control how you choose to respond to it. And your response depends on what’s inside of you, not anything on the outside.
So be honest with yourself. Stop blaming external things. Own your own issues. Define your goals. Articulate your dreams. Make a plan. Take the next step. Get some help. Turn to friends, faith, family, experts, whomever and whatever you can for guidance and support. It’s not easy but it’s so worth it. You can do this! And if you do, you’ll take a giant leap toward Becoming Yourself.
I’m a Mac fan but don’t actually know much about computers. If my laptop can quickly and reliably let me email, do word processing and get me to Netflix, I’m pretty much good to go. I don’t really care about the tech jargon.
I think we’re a lot like computers. We all have a variety of surface level “applications” to our lives. Like software programs, these are the things that we and others can easily see – our careers, accomplishments, talents, relationships, etc. An engineer. A college graduate. An artist. A parent. A spouse.
What if instead we based our identity on our Operating System? On our True Self, who we are deep inside, that part of us that doesn’t change no matter what label we wear? For me, that’s a person created, known and loved by God. That identity is secure. It provides a strong foundation, giving me a sense of assurance and peace that, no matter what changes life throws my way, I know who I am.
What about you? Maybe God isn’t your thing. That’s okay. This question of true identity is the same for all of us. When you dig deeper, beneath the various roles you play, what do you find? What’s your unchanging OS, your True Self, that foundational identity you can always depend on? Find that and you’re on your way to Becoming Yourself.
Something about the ad caught my attention. Normally I fast-forward or mute TV commercials but not this one. It was for an app called LetGo. Its purpose isn’t unique – to help me sell my stuff – but its focus set it apart.
Motivated by that clever marketing campaign, I started cleaning. First a downstairs closet. Then a game cupboard. Then our master closet. Finally the garage. Item after item, box after box, I sorted, using a tip I read in an