Giving is supposed to be a selfless act. I get it. But if you’re like me, sometimes it helps to have a little extra motivation to give. Here are three simple ways to give where you get something in return.
1. TIME – when we give our time to help others it sweetens the time we spend on ourselves.
When I volunteer my time at Furnishing Dignity, an awesome local organization that provides free furniture for people transitioning from homelessness, I honestly don’t always feel like fighting traffic to get to the warehouse by 7:30 am. And hauling heavy couches up to 2nd floor apartments isn’t at the top of my fun list either. But those sacrifices buy me a smile from a single mom whose apartment was empty 30 minutes ago that is now completely furnished. I arrive home reminded of how beautiful my house is and how fortunate I am. I enjoy and appreciate my life so much more when I give some of my time to help others.
A NEXT STEP: check out volunteermatch.org for volunteer opportunities in your area (you can sort by area of interest and commitment level)
2. TALENTS – when we share our talents with others we encourage them to share theirs with us.
One of my favorite jobs as my wife Lisa McMann’s assistant is sorting her fan mail. She’s an amazing NY Times bestselling author of 19 books and counting. Many of the letters she gets are from kids who thank her for sharing her talent for writing and tell her that she has inspired them to write their own stories. Her office wall is covered with drawings kids have made of her characters. An author’s life is not an easy one. I’ve had a front row seat for over a decade of her rejection letters, harsh critics, high-pressure deadlines and brutal tour schedules. But she loves it and has a gift. She fights through all the hard stuff to share her talent with others. And she gets a lot of love and joy in return. Your talents may not get you fan letters but if you can find a way to use them to help others, I bet you will be appreciated. And you just might find yourself on the receiving end of someones else’s gifts.
A NEXT STEP: think of one way you can use a talent you have to brighten someone’s day and knock it out this week.
3. TREASURE – when we give money to others in need, we appreciate the money we keep all the more.
One of my favorite Christmas traditions is giving everyone in our family money that they can donate to the charity of their choice. I keep a selection of those charity requests we get in the mail and spread them on the floor. It’s so fun to watch everyone choose where they’re going to give and share why it’s important to them. One year we combined our money and bought a poor family in Thailand their own water buffalo through Heifer International. I still remember the quote we received about the impact of a gift like that from a farmer who received one: “If I die, my family will mourn. If our water buffalo dies, my family will starve.” That will put your Christmas into perspective really quickly.
The church where I sing and play guitar did this in a big way recently when the lead pastor encouraged the attenders to put their love into action by sponsoring an impoverished child in Columbia. By the end of the weekend, the people of the church had sponsored every single child Compassion International had in their database for the entire country! Over 11,000 kids sponsored in a single weekend (it’s a really big church). Choose to give some of your treasure away and I’m guessing you and your family will be much more content no matter what gifts are under the tree this year.
A NEXT STEP: use charitynavigator.org to find a charity you can trust
So how about it? What’s one way you can give some of your time, talent, or treasure this week? Do it because there are people all around you who could really use what you have to give. And for that extra motivation, do it because you’ll get a lot in return. If you do, you’ll take another great step toward Becoming Yourself.
For most of my life I’ve felt like I wasn’t doing enough. Not giving enough money to charities. Not spending enough time developing relationships. Not doing enough to serve others. Not working enough on my own heath and well-being. Every TV commercial showing a child in need made me feel guilty. Every article about diet, exercise or sleep habits made me feel like I was failing. Every book on relationships made me feel like I was falling short of being a good husband, father, friend, or neighbor.
These feelings led me to ask some hard questions: how do I balance all the competing demands in my life? How do I choose to live in a world where there is so much need? How do I spend my time, energy, and money? I felt overwhelmed by the “should do” lists in my life.
2. FINANCIAL – I will fund my retirement plan and give at least 10% of my income to charities I believe in.
4. SPIRITUAL – I will spend 45-60 minutes praying / reading / meditating / hanging out with God 6 mornings a week.
5. SERVING OTHERS – I will volunteer 1-2x per month at 
I’ve found that having a simple Rule of Life frees me from a lot of stress and guilt. Sometimes things that aren’t on my list come up that I feel I need to do. That’s ok. And when circumstances in my life change, I update my Rule. But having this baseline has made me happier, more peaceful, and more productive.
I had just come off the Great Wall of China and I was freezing. It was an exhilarating experience, walking on a human-made structure over 2,300 years old and 5,500 miles long. A bucket list event for sure. But my friend and I chose to go in January because prices were dirt cheap and the tourist crowds were low. For a reason. It’s really freaking cold in Beijing in January.
That ride pushed “tour bus driver in Beijing” near the top of my list of jobs I would never want. It made driving in New York City feel like a Sunday afternoon jaunt through the countryside. But thanks to the nerve and skill of our stoic driver, we eventually arrived at the tea shop.
I was reminded of this idea while reading a tea meditation exercise by Thich Nhat Hanh, a Zen master. It was in 
If you are not fully present, you will look around and it will be gone.
So the next time you have a cup of tea or coffee, try to remember to pause. Savor the moment. Be present. Let it serve as a reminder to practicing living in the now throughout your day. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.