Developing a Better You

Category: Relationships (Page 2 of 14)

Downton Abbey and the Meaning of Life

“What is a weekend?”

If that quote makes you smile, you’re probably a fan of Downton Abbey. The popular PBS series about the English aristocratic Crawley family and the servants who worked for them ran for six seasons and spawned two feature films.

I recently saw the movie Downton Abbey: A New Era. As usual, I enjoyed the sweeping cinematography, the elegant dialogue, and intriguing story lines. But I came away with an unexpectedly powerful reminder of what I believe to be the meaning of life:

Relationships.

Without spoiling the plot, the tightly knit family and staff go through a wide gamut of experiences—weddings, deaths, windfalls, tragedies, surprises—and a litany of emotions—joy, sorrow, disappointment, grief, hope, love. But through it all, rich or poor, old or young, conservative or liberal, outgoing or reserved, what mattered most in the end was the quality of the relationships each person had formed. 

Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

I sat in my car after the movie and asked myself a hard question—was I investing enough time and energy in the important relationships in my life? In my family, in my close friends, in God? When moments of triumph and tragedy come, will those strong ties be there to sweeten my celebrations and ease my sorrows? It isn’t a question of whether or not those people be physically present, but will our relationships have the requisite emotional depth for them to truly enter into those moments with me? The kind of depth that only comes with effort and intentionality?

The thought of coming to the joyful and painful milestones in my life with regret over underdeveloped relationships haunted me. I drove away with a renewed commitment to deepen my investment in my family, my friends, and God.

Photo by Ryan Holloway on Unsplash

So how about you? Would you agree that the true meaning of life is found in relationships? No matter your answer, relationships are at least of significant importance to most of us. How would you rate yours? Answer honestly. Decide which relationships are of utmost value. Invest in them practically with your time, energy, and effort. If you do, you’ll avoid crushing regret, and have a richer, more satisfying life, as you take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

The Lesson of the Shared Table

“Hey, would you like to eat with us?”

I was sitting with a friend in an Ethiopian restaurant. The tall, rough-looking man who had spoken was standing at the next table and looking past us toward the entrance. A moment later, another man approached, shook the tall man’s hand, then introduced himself to the tall man and his friend. The newcomer thanked them for the invitation, then the three of them sat and began chatting. They placed their order and soon a single large platter was delivered to their table. In true Ethiopian style, they shared their food from a common serving plate.

Later in the meal, the man who had come alone left for the restroom. While he was gone, the tall man say to his companion, “Thanks for being okay with me inviting that guy to join us.” His friend replied, “Yeah man, I could do this all day.”

I was fascinated. Invite a stranger to sit with you in a restaurant? Share a common plate with them? The idea had never occurred to me. I found myself envying the courage of the man who made the offer and the one who accepted it.

In my last post, I wrote that living with a “let them come” attitude is difficult for me, as my somewhat timid nature makes diving into new experiences intimidating. What I saw in that restaurant was a beautiful example of the type of “seize the moment” living I’m trying to learn.

My wife and I unintentionally had a similar experience years ago in Italy. We wandered into a restaurant with a small seating area. The hostess promptly led us to a table with four chairs, two of which were already occupied. We hesitated, thinking there was a mistake, but the hostess just smiled and gestured toward the two empty seats. After an awkward moment, the seated couple quickly invited us to join them.

We exchanged greetings and learned they were also Americans on vacation. We swapped travel stories and were soon laughing together. What started off as an uncomfortable surprise turned into one of the most pleasant and memorable evenings of our trip.

As I think back on those experiences, I wonder why I still hesitate to be so bold. So free. To let those moments come. Living with this level of intentionally comes with risks to be sure, but it’s also a path to growth and unexpected joy. That’s the lesson of the shared table.

So how about you? Are you willing to step outside your comfort zone? To try something new? Keep your eyes open. Seize moments, big and small. Say yes. If you do, you’ll feel a revitalizing wind blow through your life, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Hard Lessons: Learning from Your Mistakes

This post was originally published in November of 2020.

I screwed up.

Recently I was giving a couple of suitcases to a group of houseless neighbors who shelter across the street from our condo (you can read that story here) when a man asked me if I had any socks. I told him I would find some for him. I ordered several ten packs online and a few nights later went down to give them to the man and anyone else who wanted some.

As with the suitcases, the socks were welcomed eagerly by the ten or so people gathered there. As I handed them out, I noticed one young man sitting away from the group. I approached and asked if he’d like some. He nodded and I handed him a pair. Realizing I had one pair left in the bag, I said, “Here’s another,” and tossed it to him.

Within seconds the additional pair was rocketing back at my head.

“I don’t want it,” he said tersely. Startled and embarrassed, I muttered an apology. Retrieving the projectile pair, I laid it by a sleeping couple and left.

As I walked away, I replayed the scene in my head. At first, my embarrassment gave way to mild indignation. The other people had been so grateful. How could that man be so rude after being given a gift?

Then it hit me. He was right to be upset. In tossing him that second pair, I never stopped to think how it would feel to be in his position of needing to accept socks from a stranger. I assumed what he wanted and needed instead of asking. I didn’t give him the respect he deserved.

As much as that exchange stung, the man did me a favor. I’m grateful. He taught me an important lesson, one that will hopefully help me to do better next time.  

Reaching out to help others is a wonderful thing. But as you do, remember to put yourself in the place of the person you’re trying to help. Act as you would want someone to act toward you if the situation was reversed. Give each person the dignity they deserve regardless of their circumstances. If you do, you’ll help to build a better world and take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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