I made a big decision a little while ago.
Bill Watterson, The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes
I don’t remember what it was, which prob’ly goes to show
That many times a simple choice can prove to be essential
Even though it often might appear inconsequential.
I must have been distracted when I left my house because
Left or right I’m sure I went. (I wonder which it was!)
Anyway, I never veered: I walked in that direction
Utterly absorbed, it seems, in quiet introspection.
For no reason I can think of, I’ve wandered far astray.
And that is how I got to where I find myself today.
I was reading Calvin and Hobbes recently and came across this poem. It got me thinking about all the small decisions I’ve made that have had a monumental impact on my life. Like when I nervously raised my hand in my college choir to audition for a solo part, which led to an invitation to be in a band, which led to an interview at a church, which led to a twenty-five year career as a music pastor.
Then there was the time I decided to say yes to a friend’s invitation to go to a bar, which is not normally my scene. I ended up riding there with a girl I’d never met. Almost thirty years later, that girl and I share two kids and a bank account.
What’s the point? Simply this:
SMALL DECISIONS MATTER
We tend to think of our lives as being largely defined by a few really big decisions, but I don’t think that’s actually the case. Those are important of course, but I believe the collective weight of the thousands of small choices we make have an even greater determination of how our lives turn out.
Sow a thought and you reap an action; sow an act and you reap a habit; sow a habit and you reap a character; sow a character and you reap a destiny.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
That quote reminds me of the seriousness of our small choices. I do NOT think we should agonize over every little decision, but rather have a framework for decision-making that helps us make the myriad of small choices we face quickly and well. The key is to find a framework that works for you; one that will lead you to the person you want to be and the life you desire.
So where do you find such a framework? There’s no shortage of options. You can turn to philosophy, religion, a teacher, or one of the many self-help resources available. Personally, I’ve chosen Jesus. I don’t mean the doctrines or beliefs of any particular church or religion. Even the term “Christianity” is used to represent such disparate views that I hesitate to use it anymore for fear of being lumped in with people I vehemently disagree with.
What I mean is that I try to use the life and teachings of Jesus as my decision-making filter. “WWJD (What would Jesus do?)” is a tired cliche, but a helpful one for me. I’ve found that when I live my life as best I can by his teachings, things work out better for me than when I don’t. I would suggest that even if you don’t believe in his divinity, Jesus offers a lot of insight into the human condition and can serve as a compelling model of a life well lived.
Regardless of the framework you choose, here are a two big-picture questions that can help with decision-making:
1. Which choice would lead me closer to who I want to be?
2. Which choice would lead me closer to the life I want?
I desire to become a more compassionate, giving person. When I was recently faced with the choice of volunteering with an organization that helps people struggling with homelessness or doing something for myself, I chose to volunteer. It wasn’t because I’m particularly selfless or disciplined. I procrastinated a lot and made plenty of excuses. I ultimately did it because I realized it was the choice that would lead me closer to who I want to be.
I want a life filled with deep relationships. When faced with a recent choice of enjoying a night home alone or going out in the rain with new friends to an event outside my comfort zone, I chose to go. What I really wanted to do was stay home, but I realized that going out was taking a step toward the life I really wanted.
Small choices matter. To navigate them, we all need a North Star; a landmark we can use to make sure we’re going in the right direction. What will yours be? Who do you want to become? What kind of life do you want? What decision-making framework will you use to help you get there? Choose well. If you do, you’ll take another important step toward Becoming Yourself.
I was listening to Brynn Elliott sing Might Not Like Me on the radio when I realized something – this catchy pop song highlights a combination of two apparently conflicting characteristics needed for personal growth. At first glance, they may appear to create an oxymoron – a phrase that seems inherently contradictory, like jumbo shrimp, deeply superficial, or definitely maybe. But a closer look shows that definition really doesn’t apply. So what false oxymoron does this song reveal that I believe is key to Becoming Yourself? Humble confidence. Take a look at the first verse and chorus:
Brynn is both humble enough to admit her mistakes AND confident enough to own her strengths. In the verse, she’s humbly apologetic for anything she did to contribute to the breakdown of the relationship. When she does confidently acknowledge a superior ability, like running, she humbly points out that it’s not important. In the chorus, she goes pretty much all confidence, which I think is great. It sounds like the guy deserves it for being petty and insecure.
Listening to this song got me thinking about how a combination of humility AND confidence is needed for personal growth. Without humility, we become arrogant and unaware of our weak spots. Without confidence, we lack the necessary belief in our own value and ability to achieve our self-improvement goals. But with the right balance, we can have both the humility we need to acknowledge and work on our growth edges while also having the confidence to enjoy and build on our strengths.
