Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

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Dream Derailed? You’re Not Alone

It’s deflating. 

My lifelong dream of becoming a published author came true. Over the last year and a half, I’ve published five books with the biggest trade publisher in the country. Been on multiple national book tours. Appeared at some of the most well-regarded book festivals. Even did multiple author panels with one of my literary heroes, Goosebumps author R. L. Stine. 

And then my next series idea got rejected. After taking that sting, I finished another book and tried again. That one just got rejected too. 

When you reach the mountaintop and experience the success you long dreamed of, it can fool you into thinking you’ll remain there. The truth is, that’s normally not the case, at least not in a highly competitive creative field. Today’s hot new author (not that I ever was that) can become tomorrow’s has-been with mind numbing speed. It’s humbling. 

But the opposite is also true. When we experience repeated setbacks, it can feel like things will never change. Our success is over. We’ll always lose, be rejected, be ignored. That’s not reality either. 

The hard truth is this—success comes and goes. You’re up one minute and down the next. You’re applauded, then forgotten. When you venture into the arena to fight for your dreams, be prepared to get whacked. The smackdown is almost inevitable. What matters is how we choose to respond. 

It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.—Theodore Roosevelt

I’m going to keep fighting. I believe in my latest book, so my agent is going to send it to other editors. While that painfully slow process happens, I’m going to work on a new novel. Keep trudging, keep pushing, keep putting one foot in front of the other in pursuit of my dream of a sustained author career. 

What dream do you have that’s worth the struggle? Make a plan, take a deep breath, and step into the arena. Fight the good fight. When you get smacked down, let yourself feel the pain, then shake off the blow, pull yourself up and start again. If you do, your dream just might come true. At worst, you’ll never be one of those timid souls who never dared to try, and you’ll take a giant step toward Becoming Yourself. 

Mystified? Try a Different Perspective

I was stumped. 

I sat on my cruise ship balcony and stared at the object floating on the Mediterranean in the distance. It was white and oddly shaped. Too small for a boat. Too far from shore for a buoy. The wrong shape for an animal. Too large for trash. 

I pondered awhile, mystified. 

Then as our ship pulled further away, I saw the object from a different angle. It was, quite clearly, a small boat. I’d previously been staring directly at the bow and utterly confused. Now seeing it from the side, its identity was obvious. 

How often have I had that exact experience with other events in my life? Something unexpected happens, and I’m utterly perplexed. Frustrated. Confused. What is this? Why is it happening? Why did I fail at my job? What does this diagnosis mean? Why did she leave?

And then time passes. I look back on an experience with a new perspective and suddenly the reason is clear. Why it occurred. How my own actions contributed to it. What it did for me. How it helped me grow. I don’t understand everything, but much of what was once a haze often comes into sharp relief.

When you face a frustratingly mysterious event in your life, pause. Take a calming breath. Try to look at it objectively, without judgement. Shift your gaze to different perspectives. Give it time. If you do, the answers you seek may become clear, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Reflections from a Park Bench in Paris

Bonjour from Paris.

I write this while sitting on a park bench, having just finished a ham and cheese baguette with hot chocolate. The Louvre art museum with its hoards of Saturday visitors are in the distance. I wandered the grounds earlier, but I had no desire to fight the crowds for a return trip inside. 

The autumn afternoon is cool and gray, a welcome change from a summer spent baking in the Phoenix sunshine. A young man in a leather jacket sits on a bench to my left, reading a book. Further on, a girl rests her head on her father’s shoulder. Aside from the cawing of crows, the park is quiet, and I’m alone with my thoughts.

Me in the park as I write this post

My wife and I are intentional nomads, having no permanent address, living in different places for varying lengths of time. In the four months since our nomadic journey began, we’ve stayed in hotels, AirBnbs, with my dad, her sister, our daughter, and friends, including several pet sitting gigs. 

Not always knowing where you’re going to lay your head is an odd feeling, but one we’re acclimating to. While we plan in advance, we’re trying not to lock ourselves in too much and lose the spontaneity this lifestyle affords.

Being natural planners, spontaneity is a challenge. As we sat eating our breakfast crepes this morning, Lisa remarked on how our walk to the cafe had been closer to a march than a stroll, more like a mission to be accomplished than a saunter to be savored. 

I’m taking her observation to heart during my afternoon alone in Paris. I’ve been wandering in a general direction, then veering toward whatever catches my eye. So far it’s led me to walk along the Seine River, peruse art and magazines for sale on sidewalk carts, and to this lovely park. I grabbed lunch when I was hungry at a nearby food stand without dithering or checking its Yelp reviews. 

The writing of this post is itself an act of spontaneity. I had no plans to do so, but finding myself in this beautiful, quiet place led me to take out my phone and start typing. Is it helpful? Is it interesting or worthwhile to anyone else? I can’t answer that. All I know is that it felt right. I followed the urge to write, and this is what came out. 

So what’s my point in this missive? I’m not sure I have one. Maybe my example of spontaneity encourages you to be more spontaneous. Maybe my wife and I making the leap to live our nomadic dream gives you motivation to make a leap yourself. Maybe my reflections in a Parisian park inspire you to take time for your quiet pondering (you never know what may bubble up).

Whomever you are, whatever obstacles you face, wherever you’re at on your journey, be a little spontaneous. Take a leap toward living a dream. Do some quiet reflecting. If you do, you’ll find new color and a fresh breeze enter your life as you take another step toward Becoming Yourself. 

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