Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Page 27 of 104

Want a Smoother Life Journey? Name the Wind

I recently watched a feather dance on the breeze.

It was the movement that caught my eye. A glint of white controlled by invisible strings, dipping right, then left, soaring one moment and diving the next. It was all the more noticeable because the day seemed perfectly calm. There was not a hint of wind that I could detect. Yet the flight of this feather proved otherwise.

It made me think about my own life. How often am I affected by unseen forces, the movements of my life influenced by things I can’t see? That I’m oblivious to? Forgotten hurts from my past. Deeply buried trauma. Unresolved conflicts. Unfulfilled dreams. Unrealized expectations. They all push and pull me, buffeting my perspective, my attitude, my emotions, my mood. How quick am I to notice the way they shape my day-to-day life experience?

These forces are inevitable. The path of life doesn’t always run smoothly. There are unseen realities we all must endure. I believe the goal is to pause long enough to recognize them. Stare them in the face. Drag them into the sunlight. Admit their influence. Ask the hard question that author, speaker, and pastor Andy Stanley often poses: “Is this a problem to be solved or a tension to be managed?” Solve the problems you can through counseling, therapy, meditation, prayer, study, or sharing with a trusted friend. Learn to manage the tensions that must be maintained, the forces that will affect your path for the rest of your life. Choose to embrace opposing influences and appreciate their competing strengths and weaknesses.

If you do, you’ll find a smoother, more enjoyable journey, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published September 11, 2021.

A Counterintuitive Path to Happiness—Embrace Suffering

I’ve always been fearful.

Along with my childhood fear of our creepy basement and my perfectly rational fear of sharks, a constant nemesis has been my fear of suffering. I hate it. I usually try to avoid it as much as possible and end it as quickly as I can.

But what if suffering is not only unavoidable but necessary for my happiness? 

The tendency to run away from suffering is there in every one of us. We think that by seeking pleasure we’ll avoid suffering. But this doesn’t work. It stunts our growth and our happiness. Happiness isn’t possible without understanding, compassion, and love. And love is not possible if we don’t understand our suffering and the other person’s suffering.

Getting in touch with suffering will help us cultivate compassion and love. Without understanding and love we can’t be happy, and we can’t make other people happy. We all have the seeds of compassion, forgiveness, joy, and nonfear in us. If we’re constantly trying to avoid suffering, there is no way for these seeds to grow.

Thich Nhat Hanh, Your True Home: The Everyday Wisdom of Thich Nhat Hanh

I was raised in the Christian tradition. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to include wisdom from other faiths into my beliefs, along with insight from non-faith-based worldviews. It has expanded, strengthened, and clarified my perspective, while showing me that many traditions say similar things in different ways. 

The above quote by master Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh is one of those insights shared across wisdom traditions—a life dedicated to the avoidance of personal suffering will not lead to happiness. Happiness is a by-product of a life well lived, including meaningful work and helping to alleviate the suffering of others.

This doesn’t mean we should seek suffering. Suffering has a way of finding us without our help. Ending our unnecessary or self-induced suffering is a worthy endeavor. But a life committed to avoiding suffering is doomed to produce anxiety not peace, fear not contentment, emptiness not meaning, sadness not hope. Consider our relationships, physical health, and careers—if we avoid hard conversations, uncomfortable workouts, and studying or practicing for our profession, the results will be disastrous and not produce the happiness we’re looking for.

So find your passion. Help others. Live with purpose. Face the suffering that your intentional living brings. You’ll experience greater peace, contentment, and joy, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself. 

Text excerpt from Your True Home: The Everyday Wisdom of Thich Nhat Hanh by Thich Nhat Hanh, p 81, compiled and edited by Melvin McLeod, Shambhala Publications 2011

A Reflection on Vegetables and Candy

And now for something completely different.

This week, I’m pausing my personal development focus to update you on another part of my writing life. THE BEAST OF SKULL ROCK, book four in my spooky monster mystery series MONSTERIOUS (Penguin Random House), just published. MONSTERIOUS books are short, can be read in any order, and are great for fans of Goosebumps, Stranger Things, or Five Nights at Freddy’s. While geared for ages 8 to 12, they are a fun read for anyone who enjoys a fast-pasted thriller with lots of action, humor, and heart. THE BEAST OF SKULL ROCK is about twelve-year-old twins who try to save their grandfather’s spooky museum from a rampaging werehyena. 

If you only know my personal development writing, the topics of my published books may seem strange. I think of the distinct parts of my writing life like vegetables and candy. I love to eat both. This personal development blog is my “writing vegetables”, while my published books are my “writing candy.” Both are a part of who I am.

This blog has always been free, and I’d like to keep it that way. If you find Becoming Yourself helpful, one way you can support me and this blog is to buy my books for yourself or a spooky story lover in your life. Your support would mean so much to me! All four current books in the MONSTERIOUS series are available in hardcover, paperback, audio, and e-book wherever books are sold. For more info and buy links, visit my website MattMcMann.com.

My author wife Lisa McMann and I are heading out on a national tour in Feb & March 2024. If we’re coming to your area, I would LOVE to meet you! Check the graphic above for dates and locations. You can find more info here.

Thanks much for your time on this diversion. I’ll be back next week with a personal development post. I appreciate you sharing the road with me as you work toward Becoming Yourself.

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