Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Page 31 of 94

How to Face Holiday Loneliness

When I read the following post from my good friend and fellow blogger Susan Stocker, I immediately decided to share it. In her candidly honest yet warmly hopeful style, she addresses the reality of feeling alone in a season characterized by togetherness (check out her wonderful blog here). I hope you find it helpful during the holidays as you take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

No matter which holiday we celebrate, the message is the same: gather with family and friends. “It’s all about being together!”

That is a real challenge for many of us.

Obviously, some of us are single. Actually, we are not the worst off. Being physically alone is a walk in the park compared to being emotionally estranged from those in the same room or the same bed.

Being physically or emotionally alone for the holidays is a test of creativity, courage, common sense, and, definitely, faith.

What most single, alienated people use to get through the holidays is distraction. Chinese take-out and a movie marathon? Volunteering? A bout of over-indulging the night before so the actual holiday is nothing but ginger ale and Saltines? Distraction works to pass the time, but not to celebrate the holiday.

We can also distract ourselves by thinking of those suffering with fresh grief, fighting for their lives in the hospital, or serving the country overseas. That’s an honorable thing to contemplate — others have it much worse. But negating our own feelings of solitary separation is not fair to ourselves.

We may be alone for the holiday — whether physically or emotionally. What are we going to do to be true to ourselves and true to whatever we’re celebrating?

It seems to me we need to sit with the facts. The romanticizing of “holidays” is not a fact, it’s an ad campaign. How much money would the holidays generate if each of us celebrated the actual meaning of the holiday in our hearts instead of in over-decorated, over-populated, over-fed, over-gifted, overwhelming festivities?

Facing the holidays alone is an opportunity. Stripped of all the tinsel and wrapping paper, we’re faced with ourselves and our faith. If our faith is inadequate to time spent alone, we may want to attend to that. Ultimately, we will find ourselves alone in some dark night of the soul. Hopefully, when we do, we will sit it out and stick it out and sweat it out until finally we realize we are not alone and could never be alone.

Praying for each of you a faith big enough to hold you. Love, Susan

This post was originally published Dec 18, 2021. Susan Stocker is a blogger, novelist, and Marriage and Family Therapist with Masters degrees in Communication and Counseling. She served as a mental health ambassador to China in 1998 and has volunteered with the Alzheimer’s Association, American Cancer Society, and many other organizations. Her published works include Only Her Naked Courage (2013), Heart 1.5 (2013), The Many Faces of Anxiety (2013), The Many Faces of PTSD (2010), and Heart (1981), as well as her blog The Many Faces of PTSD (manyfacesofptsd.wordpress.com). She is on a lifelong journey toward Becoming Herself. You can contact her at sraustocker@yahoo.com.

The Surprising Benefits of Silence

Silence.

What adjectives come to mind when you read that word? Relaxing? Boring? Wonderful? Scary?

Silence is a surprisingly complex thing. It can be intimidating, yet it offers many benefits such as anxiety reduction, mental clarity, increased creativity, and a deeper connection to self. Intentional silence has been a regular practice of mine for many years, and has become a foundational part of my mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

Here’s what renowned author and Harvard professor Henri Nouwen wrote about silence:

At first silence might only frighten us. In silence we start hearing voices of darkness: our jealousy and anger, our resentment and desire for revenge, our lust and greed, and our pain over losses, abuses, and rejections. These voices are often noisy and boisterous. They may even deafen us. Our most spontaneous reaction is to run away from them and return to our entertainment.

But if we have the discipline to stay put and not let these dark voices intimidate us, they will gradually lose their strength and recede into the background, creating space for the softer, gentler voices of the light.

These voices speak of peace, kindness, gentleness, goodness, joy, hope, forgiveness, and most of all, love. They might at first seem small and insignificant, and we may have a hard time trusting them. However, they are very persistent and they will be stronger if we keep listening. They come from a very deep place and from very far. They have been speaking to us since before we were born, and they reveal to us that there is no darkness in the One who sent us into the world, only light. They are part of God’s voice calling us from all eternity: “My beloved child, my favorite one, my joy.”

henri nouwen

What is your relationship with silence? Do you yearn for it or run from it? Start small. Find a quiet place. Mute your phone. Find a calming view. Sit for three minutes. See what comes to your mind and how the experience affects your body. Experiment with longer sessions, with your eyes closed, with different locations, with repeating a focus word or phrase, or having a peaceful mental image. Use a mediation timer like the Calm app or, for those with a Christian spiritually bent, the One Minute Pause app. If you do, you’ll find the benefits quick in coming, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Text excerpts taken from “You are the Beloved” by Henri J.M. Nouwen, © 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust. Published by Convergent Books. Excerpt published in Nov 24, 2022 daily meditation from The Henri Nouwen Society.

Pulling Back the Curtain: My First Author Interview

I often learn the most when people simply share their story.

On my lifelong journey of personal development, I’ve read a lot of books, watched a lot of videos, and listened to a lot of lectures, debates, and podcasts. While I’ve learned much from experts opinions on various topics, I often find unexpected insights when someone just talks about their life.

With the publication of my debut book series with Penguin Random House approaching (May 2023 – you can learn about it here), I gave my first author interview to an excellent blogger named Angie Azur. She asked a wide range of questions that were both insightful and fun, touching on my background, what’s most important to me, how my author wife and I work together, writing advice, and much more.

So at the risk of being self-indulgent, for this post I offer you the opportunity to read the interview. Hopefully, you’ll find it not only entertaining, but it will provide insights into who I am that will make my future posts more helpful to you on your journey toward Becoming Yourself.

TO READ MY INTERVIEW, CLICK HERE.

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