Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

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A Simple Approach to Prayer

The best prayer I ever heard was two words: “Help me.”

It was not eloquent. It wasn’t flowing. It wasn’t lengthy, poetic or selfless. But it was brutally honest. And painfully sincere. That prayer came from a deeply broken place, uttered by a friend who, in those two simple words, admitted the mess he’d made of his life and acknowledged he couldn’t fix it on his own.

In the forty-two years I’ve been building my relationship with God, I’ve said countless thousands of prayers. I’ve prayed alone, in pairs, in small groups and, in my former role as a music pastor, in front of thousands of people. I’ve attended conferences on prayer, read books on prayer, been on committees discussing prayer, taught classes on prayer and personally used a wide variety of prayer techniques like centering prayer, breath prayer, lectio divina and praying scripture. If there’s anyone who should not struggle with prayer, it’s me.

But I do sometimes (as described in my last post). When I feel stymied, stagnant or bored with my conversations with God, I think about my friend’s two word prayer. It reminds me that an effective prayer life isn’t about techniques or theological depth or impressive language. Life-giving prayer is simple. Organic. Authentic. Raw.

That said, using a basic framework during my set time of prayer (as opposed to my many spontaneous prayers throughout the day) helps keep things balanced. It provides enough structure to keep me from getting stuck, while allowing enough freedom to keep my prayers fresh.

Of all the prayer techniques I’ve learned, the one I use most often is one of the simplest. It’s an acronym of the word PRAY:

P – Praise

I start by thanking God for who God is (creator, provider, guide, mother, father, lord, friend, etc.) and what God has done for me (the good things in my life). Beginning with gratitude helps realign my perspective and puts me in a healthy mental place for the prayers that follow.

R – Repent

Repent literally means ‘to turn.’ It’s both acknowledging that I’ve gone in a wrong direction and taking action to correct my course. I believe I’m a wonderful yet flawed person, one who makes plenty of mistakes. I am sometimes insecure, self-centered, lustful, judgmental, ungrateful, entitled and addicted to my own comfort. Acknowledging those faults to myself and to God keeps me humble, reminds me to be more gracious with the faults of others and motivates me to grow.

A – Ask

I ask God to help others. My family and friends. Strangers I hear about. Situations of significance. I ask God to protect, to heal, to comfort, to guide, to encourage, to strengthen, to provide. I ask for God’s blessing and help in their lives.

Y – Yourself

I close by praying for myself. This section is last for a reason. After starting in gratitude, admitting my flaws and focusing on the needs of others, I’m usually in a good head space to think about myself. To remember what I actually need, what I truly want and what’s really important.

The beauty of this simple framework for prayer is that you can do it anywhere—in the car, at lunch, during a commercial, in a quiet room—and for any length of time, from a handful of seconds to hours on end. After forty-two years, it still serves me well.

So how about you? Do you have a desire to pray? Do you struggle as I have? Try this simple acronym. Start small. Keep it simple. Be brutally honest (God can take it). Be yourself. Stick with it. Have fun. If you do, you’ll find some peace, hope and comfort as you take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Beat the Holiday Blues with a Five-Minute Thanksgiving Exercise

The holiday season is a mixed bag.

Hopefully, you’ll get to enjoy at least some of positives—family, friends, parties, gifts, time off work and travel. But you’ll probably also have to face at least some of the negatives— stress, busyness, disappointment, loneliness, depression and financial pressure.

When you’re feeling the downsides of this sometimes dubiously named “Season of Cheer,” try this quick exercise to lift your mood:

Think of various categories in your life, then for each one, remember something you’re grateful for in the past year. 

This is in no way denying the very real hardships of what was an extremely difficult year for so many. But even if 2021 has been brutal for you, I’ll bet you can find some things to be grateful for. Here are some of my examples from this year:

FAMILY – I’m so grateful I got to officiate my son’s wedding and have an extended visit with my daughter.

FRIENDS – I’m so grateful for the many vaccine-enabled reunions with my friends.

CAREER – I’m so grateful that, after years of trying to break in as a children’s book author, I got my first book deal (a series with Penguin Random House slated to begin summer of 2023).

HEALTH – I’m so grateful that my dad survived his heart surgery.

NECESSITIES – I’m so grateful that I always had more than enough food, clothing and comfortable shelter.

WANTS – I’m so grateful that my wife and I got to renew our love of travel with several cross-country road trips.

So how about you? What are you grateful for in 2021? What categories would you choose? Take a few moments to ponder. Think outside the box. Be specific. Choose gratitude. If you do, you’ll give your mood a boost, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

The Heroic Choice to Slow Down

Sometimes life has a way of getting your attention.

In my last post, A Surprising Secret to Increased Joy and Productivity, I wrote about how I was trying to live out a quote by Chris Advansun: “See what happens when you tune your pace to the trickle of a stream or the waft of a lazy breeze.” A high school friend commented that the theme of my post was tied closely to one she’d read recently by writer and life coach Leyla Aylin.

When I read Leyla’s post, I was blown away not just by the similarity of the message, but by the beautiful way she articulated it. So rather than read my words this week, I’m sharing hers (the bolding is my own). I encourage you to check out her blog and website at leylaaylin.com as you continue your journey toward Becoming Yourself.

“I Want to Make Heroes of Those Who Slow Down” by Leyla Aylin

How brave you are for slowing down. For not finishing that to-do list.

How courageous you are for not crossing that finish line, because your body said “enough.”

How fearless you are for choosing the quiet of your soul over those voices driving you always towards more.

How bold, how rebellious – you, out there, honoring your own natural rhythm, going against the culture’s breakneck speed.

We tend to make heroes of those hungry with ambition, relentlessly doing, producing always more.

We applaud those who refuse to stop or rest. Who push themselves so hard in the name of achievement, that they sacrifice their body and soul and heart in the process. We celebrate those who are ill or aging but never show it, never slow down, never reveal a moment of vulnerability.

This drivenness can be heroic, at times. It can be necessary for our survival or the greater good.

But,

I want to make heroes of those who slow down.

I want to make heroes of those who listen to their bodies, who do not strive for more than what the soul truly needs.

I want to make heroes of those who do not force or push, but surrender to each moment as it opens.

I want to applaud those who may not be driven towards success as we know it, but instead are nurturing something deep and subtle and needed.

I want to celebrate those brave enough to cease all doing, even for a second, and sit with the ache in their hearts. A task many find harder than summiting the highest peak.

I want to make heroes of those who honor their limitations.

Who are unable to keep up with the busy-ness of our times, yet show up to each profound, necessary moment.

It is truly an act of courage and rebellion to do any such thing, in a world demanding you resist your own self, your own rhythm, your own soul.

And the paradox is, that often when we cease our incessant doing, even for a minute, and listen to that quiet voice within, we discover what it is we absolutely must do, and what instead can fall away.

We finally hear the call towards what serves our soul, and what then will serve the world. Nothing more, nothing less.

A hero is simply someone brave. So come, be softly brave. Be a new, quieter kind of hero. Few may applaud, it’s true, but your soul certainly will.

By Layla Aylin

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