Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

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Struggling Emotionally? Here Are 5 Steps to Break the Gloom

I’m normally a glass-half-full person, but lately I’ve been struggling. I’ve had to admit to myself that I’m not doing as well emotionally as I normally am. This extended time of COVID-19 forced isolation with the absence of my normal social interactions and routines are beginning to take their toll.

Earlier in this pandemic, my spirits were buoyed by the extra time I had for novel writing and launching my YouTube channel. I thought that run would continue, but after five months, even my introverted nature isn’t enough to sustain it. I’ve been forced to acknowledge that I’m in one of those seasons where my best personal development techniques and coping mechanisms aren’t enough to easily sweep my emotional struggles away.

It’s a hard truth that there are times in life when the primary tool we need to employ is not problem solving but perseverance. Sometimes the only way out is through. That said, combining that necessary acceptance with these five simple actions can bring some relief:

1. Be honest with yourself about how you’re doing emotionally. Not how you think you should be doing. How you’re really doing.

2. Be honest with some people you trust. Tell them about your struggles. Your vulnerability will not only give you an emotional boost; it will be a gift to those you open up to. They may be silently struggling as well, and your authenticity may give them the courage to follow your example.

3. Go easy on yourself. Don’t expect that you’ll accomplish as much as you do in “normal” times. This is the primary lesson I’ve been learning these days.

4. Do something small for someone else. Not anything big that feels overwhelming. Something simple that will help realign your perspective. Send an encouraging text to a friend who’s struggling. Drop off flowers or homemade cookies at a neighbor’s door. Send a thank you card to a frontline worker. You’ll brighten someone’s day and feel less alone.

5. Practice self-care. Do something that fills your emotional tank. Regularly. Take a leisurely stroll through a park. Watch a feel good movie. Call a friend who makes you laugh. Snuggle up with a fun book. Spend time on your favorite hobby.

Some seasons are just hard. That’s not fun, but it’s okay. Night gives way to morning. Winter yields to spring. This trial will pass. Take these simple steps. Give yourself some time. Hold on to hope. If you do, you’ll make it through the desert and take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

I INTERVIEW MY DAUGHTER, ACTOR KENNEDY MCMANN (Nancy Drew on the CW network), AND AUTHOR MICOL OSTOW (Nancy Drew: The Curse) IN MY LATEST YOUTUBE VIDEO!

A Personal Development Blogger and a Life Coach Walk Into a Bar…

If a picture is worth a thousand words, a video is worth even more. I was recently interviewed for the Work That Out podcast & YouTube channel by the amazing performance and life coach Travia Steward. We had a blast discussing my midlife career change, keys to healthy relationships, how to carve out your dream life, and a lot more.

I’ve found that knowing the face, voice, and personality of someone I read deepens my understanding of their writing, so in lieu of a written post this week, I’m sharing the links to my interview. I hope you’ll find it entertaining and helpful as you watch the video (click on the picture below) or listen to the podcast here. Travia has included a list of topics with time stamps in the show notes if you want to jump to what sounds interesting to you. I highly encourage you to subscribe to her wonderful podcast and YouTube channel, and if you desire life coaching, I cannot recommend anyone higher.

Thanks so much to each of you for being a part of this community and for sharing your journey to Becoming Yourself.

When Your Practices Fail You: Know When to Let Go

I’d been a runner for about thirty years when I was sidelined with a lower back injury. Not being able to get the physical, emotional, and mental lift that came from running really discouraged me. Then I discovered that running stairs didn’t hurt my back. My new routine became jogging up and down the six flights of steps in our apartment building. It was a great substitute.

But that recently changed. While running the stairs, I started feeling sharp pain in my knees (hello, 51 years old). My initial response was stubbornness and denial. I’d take it easy for a day or two, then be back at it, only to aggravate the injury. My rest and recovery periods became longer between each flare up. I finally admitted that my days of running steps are probably numbered. Time for another change.

For years my daughter Kennedy has recommended that I try yoga, but I’d always put it off. Desperate for another workout option, my wife and I started a 30 day beginners program on YouTube (Yoga with Adrian – highly recommended, she’s amazing). It’s only been a few days, but so far it’s going really well and doesn’t hurt my knees. 

This experience reminded me of an uncomfortable truth about personal development – sometimes practices that once served you well no longer work. What was wonderfully helpful in one season of life is not helpful in another. In order to keep growing, you have to listen to what your body, mind, or spirit is telling you. To move forward requires a willingness to let go of something you loved and try something new.

That kind of admission and change is hard. As a routine person, I’m slow to switch gears. That’s why I ignored my knee pain for too long before listening to what my body was telling me.

I should know better. Years ago, I taught classes on how to connect with God through spiritual practices. I intentionally provided my students with a wide variety of techniques because different practices appeal to different people. Also, I knew from personal experience that the effectiveness of practices change over time. For example, a prayer technique that at first felt fresh and invigorating became like sawdust in my mouth a few years later. Conversely, a meditation practice that felt useless when I first tried it became a lifeline in a different season.

So as you pursue your personal development goals, try adopting these steps:

1. Listen to what your mind, body, or spirit is telling you

You may need to slow down a bit and practice tuning in to the voice of your True Self, but you can hear it.

2. Be willing to let go of a practice that’s no longer serving you

Be grateful for the role it played in your life, and remember that its usefulness may come around again.

3. Try a new exercise, routine, or habit in its place

Sometimes this can feel scary, but it can also be really fun and refreshing.

If your struggle or goal is physical in nature, you might try a new piece of exercise equipment, adjusting your sleep routine, or changing how you eat. If it’s mental, it may mean taking an online class, learning a new skill, or playing on lumosity.com. If it’s spiritual, you could try listening to new teachers (a few of my favorites are here and here), studying a different religion, or changing up your prayer practice. If it’s emotional, it may mean starting, working on, or ending a relationship, volunteering, or prioritizing an activity that fills your emotional tank.

Personal development is not a destination. It’s a life-long journey toward a beautiful horizon. The tools, techniques, and practices that help you will change along the way. Be mindful. Listen to what your True Self is telling you. When needed, let go and try something new. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

WATCH MY LATEST YOUTUBE VIDEO (COMPLETE WITH BLOOPERS) BELOW!

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