Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

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The Beautiful or the Ugly? Choose Your Focus for a Happier Life

March 14, 2020 / / 2 Comments

Take a look at this picture:

That’s the view from just outside the door of our apartment in Sacramento, CA. Not so great. 

Now look at this picture:

Much better right? Wouldn’t it be great if that was our view? Guess what? It is. I took both of those photos from the same spot. I didn’t even move my feet. I just changed what I chose to focus on.

What’s my point? In life, there’s beauty and ugliness all around us. In our physical surroundings, in other people, in our circumstances, in ourselves. Whether we choose to focus on the beautiful or the ugly will have a huge impact on our mood, our attitude, and our outlook on life.

We’ve all known people who choose to see the ugliness, the downside, the negative in everything. Their glass is always half empty. They’re like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh, minus being cute and cuddly. They are not fun people to be around.

On the flip side, we’ve all known people who are contagiously positive, upbeat, and filled with wonder at the world around them. Think Will Ferrell’s character Buddy in the Christmas movie Elf. Their glass is always half full. We’ve been envious of them. What’s their secret? They choose to see the beauty in every situation.

I’m not saying this is easy. I’m not saying “just put on a happy face.” Sometimes life is really hard, and some of us go through pain that most people can’t even imagine. And sometimes we should look at the ugly parts of life in order to heal ourselves or to bring help and hope to others in need.

What I am saying is that we have a choice to make. In every situation, every day. We don’t get to choose many of the things that happen to us in life, but we do get to choose how we will respond to them. How we will view our circumstances. What aspects of life we will focus on.

This anonymous quote was found scrawled on a cellar wall in Germany during the Holocaust:

“I believe in the sun even when it is not shining. I believe in love even when I cannot feel it. I believe in God even when He is silent.”

Beauty and hope can be found in the most desperate of situations if we choose to look for it.

So how about you? What do you choose to see? Where do you fix your eyes? What do you notice? Where do you focus your attention? Give yourself, and those around you, an amazing gift. Choose today to see the beauty in everything and everyone. Train your eyes to see the good. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Spiritual Sidebar: 

For those of you with a spiritual bent, this idea of choosing where to focus your gaze is something that’s written about a lot in the Bible. Here are some examples:

“Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.” Psalm 105:4 (New International Version)

“Surely everyone goes around like a mere phantom; in vain they rush about, heaping up wealth without knowing whose it will finally be. But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you.” Psalm 39:6-7 (New International Version)

“And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.” Hebrews 12:1b-2a (New Living Translation)

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1-2 (New International Version)

“That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (New Living Translation)

“Meanwhile, the disciples were in trouble far away from land, for a strong wind had risen, and they were fighting heavy waves. About three o’clock in the morning Jesus came toward them, walking on the water. When the disciples saw him walking on the water, they were terrified. In their fear, they cried out, “It’s a ghost!”

But Jesus spoke to them at once. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “Take courage. I am here!”

Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.”

“Yes, come,” Jesus said.

So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted.

Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?”

Matthew 14:24-31 (New Living Version)

This post was originally published August 4, 2018.

How to Declutter and Downsize Your Home (and Your Life)

March 7, 2020 / / 2 Comments

I was surprised. In my last post (you can read that here), I shared some creative methods I used to create a “salary” for myself while trying to become a published author. I mentioned that was part of the dream life that my wife Lisa and I have worked on making for ourselves over the last few years, along with transitioning from living in a big house in suburban Phoenix AZ with two cars and lots of stuff to an apartment in midtown Sacramento CA with no cars and not much stuff.

What surprised me was the amount of questions I received on how we managed the decluttering and downsizing. With that in mind, here’s how we did it:

1. WE GOT ITCHY

I’ve always been a sentimental pack rat who loved stuff – a huge collection of books, lots of art, upright arcade games, ping-pong table, tons of furniture, swimming pool, fire pit, basketball court, two cars, you get the idea. Most of it wasn’t high-end, but there was a lot of it. When we became empty nesters and began to travel more, I realized how much I didn’t miss or NEED all that stuff while we were away. I started to resent how much time, money, and energy it took to maintain it all. Lisa was on the same page. We were ready for a change.

2. WE GOT INSPIRED

We watched a Netflix documentary about the minimalist movement called Minimalism, whose adherents talk about the freedom and relief they found by embracing a “less is more” approach to material possessions. I looked at photos of tiny houses and imagined what it would be like to live in a smaller space. I read interviews with decluttering queen Marie Kondo highlighting how letting go of things we don’t need brings us joy. An older friend I respect told me, “At some point, we stop owning our stuff and our stuff starts owning us.” The motivation was building.

3. WE GOT ORGANIZED

I wandered our 4,100 square foot house with a legal pad, trying to see each room with fresh eyes. I opened every closet, looked in cupboards and under beds, and made a list of all the spaces that needed decluttering, from the overflowing garage to the junk drawer in the kitchen. It was shocking and overwhelming to realize we had SO much stuff that hadn’t been touched in years. I broke the bigger jobs, like the garage, into smaller, more manageable tasks like “clear the metal shelving unit.”

4. WE GOT STARTED

I chipped away at the list, starting with the smallest, least intimidating area (a coat closet) and sorting everything into piles – trash, donate, sell, keep. I used Marie Kondo’s most famous decluttering rule for the non-essentials – if it brings you joy, keep it; if it doesn’t, let it go. Looking at the clean and organized closet gave me not just a sense of accomplishment – I felt strangely lighter, more free. That motivated me to tackle the next area. For sentimental things that I struggled to part with (I’m looking at you graphic t-shirts and kids school projects), I took photos of them, allowing me to hang on to the memories while letting go of the physical objects. Over about a year, I worked my way through the house, slowly purging us of unneeded stuff.

5. WE GOT BOLD

After discovering the lightness and freedom of a decluttered house, Lisa and I wanted that feeling in every area of our lives. We brainstormed about the kind of life we really wanted (more on that story here). That included eliminating home maintenance and living in a walkable area near our son. After multiple trips to visit him in Sacramento CA, we chose an apartment with a high walkability score. We selected only our favorite and most essential items from our books, art, mementos, clothes, and papers and moved them to the apartment via one SUV load, eleven mailed boxes, and checked airplane luggage. We hired an estate sale company who sold everything else we owned including both vehicles in one day – the house was full in the morning and empty by sundown. With the proceeds from the sale, we bought basic furnishings for our new apartment and pocketed the profit.

That’s how we did it. It took time, intentionality, and effort, but the results have been amazing! We LOVE our lives working as writers from our cozy, easy-to-clean apartment, free from home maintenance and vehicle hassle in our new walkable city. All the work to get here has been so worth it.

So how about you? Are you feeling the ITCH to declutter your home? Your life? If so, just take that next step. Get INSPIRED. Get ORGANIZED. Get STARTED. Get BOLD. If you do, you’ll find new freedom and joy as you take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Creative Change: How to Carve Out the Life You Want

February 29, 2020 / / 4 Comments

When the last of our kids finished college a few years ago, my wife Lisa and I brainstormed about the kind of life we wanted in this new season. We desired to live in a walkable area near one of our kids, eliminate home maintenance, have flexibility to travel, and help me transition to a writing career. To that end, I phased out of my twenty-six year music career, we sold most of our possessions and both vehicles, and moved from a house in Phoenix AZ to an apartment in walkable midtown Sacramento CA. Making those significant changes took time, intentionality, and effort, but the benefits of our radically different lives have been so worth it.

I love the flexibility and creativity of writing, but it has two significant drawbacks – it’s tough to break into and hard to make money. I’ve written three novels so far and am working with my literary agent to edit and submit them to publishing houses. There’s not much I can do about the slow pace of the publishing world – it often feels glacial. But I’m not complaining. I’m the luckiest aspiring author in the world because my amazing wife, New York Times bestselling author of twenty-four books Lisa McMann, is not only my writing coach, she’s also paying the bills while I’m in this career transition.

To help make this life change possible, I’ve gotten creative on how to create a “salary” for myself during this initial period where my work is going out but no money is coming in. It’s not actual paychecks, but I’ve found ways to put time and effort into money saving activities that have had the same impact on our budget as if I had a part-time job:

I MOVED US TO A NEW APARTMENT

We loved our beautiful apartment in a great location, but the rent was high. I asked our maintenance person what other units were available in our building. To our surprise, one was perfect for our needs and significantly cheaper. I contacted management and jumped through all the hoops to change apartments mid-lease, then went through the hassle of moving. Now we’re settled in our new place and saving a significant amount in rent every month.

I CHANGED OUR HEALTH INSURANCE PLAN

I think health insurance companies count on the difficulty of change. They know that once they’ve got you, you’ll likely stay with what you have even as the rates go steadily up and the quality of care leaves a lot to be desired. I went through the complex and incredibly frustrating experience of switching companies. Even with the help of a broker, it was time consuming and sometimes maddening. But after a few months of headaches, we had the same coverage at a more user-friendly company that was way cheaper. Another solid reduction in our monthly expenses.

I DUMPED OUR TIME SHARE

Many years ago when I was young and naive, I got suckered into buying a time share. If what the company told us at the time had been the whole story, it would have made sense, but of course, it wasn’t. They neglected to mention that even after we paid it off, we would not have “free vacations for life.” You’re on the hook forever paying increasing annual maintenance fees and random assessments that you have no control over. We were shelling out over $1,100 a year for something we weren’t using anymore. After seeing the pathetic value of the resale market, I researched a way to just give our ownership back to the time share company in exchange for getting out of our lifetime contract. We’re now free of that painful annual bill.

I RENEGOTIATED OUR INTERNET SERVICE

Often when you sign up with an internet service provider, it’s for an appealing introductory rate. But when the honeymoon’s over, the cost goes up significantly. When ours made the big jump, I called our provider and asked what my options were. It was surprisingly simple to switch over to their latest promotional offer which was even cheaper than our introductory rate. This was another “one and done” lowering of our monthly expenses.

I know our situation is unique in some respects, but I share this story to give you an example of how Lisa and I have been able to carve out the life we really wanted by being willing to think outside the box, make significant changes, and work non-traditionally.

So how about you? What do you want your life to look like? What could you do now to help today’s dream become tomorrow’s reality? Brainstorm. Investigate. Research. Plan. Make a timeline. Start small. Ask for help and accountability. If you do, you’ll be on your way to the life you really want, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

More on this topic and some helpful resources:

RISK = The Price for the Life You Really Want

How to Manage Change: A Story 26 Years in the Making

The Crossroads of Should and Must: Find and Follow Your Passion by Elle Luna

Daily Rituals: How Artists Work by Mason Currey

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