Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Page 71 of 97

Feeling Stressed? Here’s a Simple Way to Find Some Peace

May 9, 2020 / / 2 Comments

My recent bout with coronavirus blues reminded me of stressful week I had a few months ago before the pandemic induced lockdown. I had to deal with a complicated tax issue. We got an unexpected $1000 medical bill when a “should have been free” screening was rejected by our insurance. Our credit card number was stolen by someone having a lot of fun in Florida at our expense. We learned of some serious problems with our rental house. Then the wall air conditioning unit in our apartment suddenly gushed water – again.

I’m normally pretty zen about these kinds of problems. Everyone has issues to deal with, and none of those struggles were unique to us. But having them crammed together in one week drove me over my limit, leaving me cursing and frustrated with a dark cloud over my head.

The next day I served lunch at a homeless shelter. I didn’t want to go, but it’s something I’ve committed to working into my routine. As I walked to the shelter, a man ahead of me on the sidewalk suddenly turned and jumped toward me, yelling something I couldn’t understand. At first I felt startled and defensive, but as I walked away, I wondered what kind of struggles he must be facing to act that way.

A few minutes later, I said hello to a disheveled woman who looked lost and forlorn. She said in a quiet voice that she knows I probably don’t care but she’d had a really rough night and was hoping to buy a drink at the 7-11 next door. I normally donate to charitable organizations where it can have the most impact, but I gave her some money, unable to imagine what it’s like to be a woman living alone on the streets.

At the homeless shelter, I spent three hours serving food to hundreds of people who had nowhere else to turn. White, black, brown, seniors, children, women, men. Poverty is no respecter of race, age, or gender.

On my walk home, a young man standing on the sidewalk reached out to fist bump me and asked where I went to college. He said he’d studied at Harvard, Oxford, Brown, and Le Cordon Bleu. During our conversation, he explained that he lived at the house we were standing in front of which was, as best as I could make out, a home for mentally challenged adults.

As I stood on our balcony that evening, I realized how much my negative feelings had changed. None of my problems had gone away, but as I compared them to those of the people I’d encountered that day, they seemed so small. I whispered a prayer for those I’d met and thanked God for my wonderful life.

So when the inevitable struggles come your way, take some time to acknowledge your understandable pain and frustration. But when you’re tempted to linger there, open your eyes and heart to the suffering of others. If you do, you’ll find some peace, and take another step towards Becoming Yourself.

How to Blow Away the Blues: Let It Out and Let It Go

May 2, 2020 / / 2 Comments

I’m generally a positive person. Glass half full, look on the bright side, count your blessings, and all that. This morning, not so much. As I sat on our apartment’s balcony for my daily time of meditation, reading, and prayer, I felt… off. Flat. Discouraged. I started to do what I normally do – shake it off, focus on the positive, push past it.

But then I stopped. I realized that response was simply not being honest with God or myself. So I tried a different approach. I vented. Poured out my feelings to God. How I felt guilty having such a good and relatively easy life compared to so many who are suffering right now. That I’m discouraged by how slowly my writing career is progressing. How frustrated I am with my recent nagging knee pain that’s preventing me from exercising which in turn leaves me feeling sluggish and unmotivated. That I’m bored being inside and tired of only seeing people through a computer screen. How I’m sick of wiping down everything that comes in the door and have continual low-grade anxiety of catching this truly horrible virus.

After about ten minutes, a surprising thing happened. I felt better. Lighter. More calm. Like I’d purged myself of something nasty. It reminded me that as wonderful as a positive perspective normally is, sometimes I just need to acknowledge that I’m struggling. Get it out. Be real with myself and those I trust. Coming clean with all that junk to God and my wife Lisa not only helped me get past my malaise, it strengthened our relationships.

That said, here’s a really important second part:

ONCE I LET IT OUT, I HAD TO LET IT GO

Marinating in self pity is not an attractive trait. Nor is it helpful to anyone, least of all myself or the people who are stuck living with me (Hi, Lisa). I had to leave the wallowing to the pigs. Purge my stuff, take a deep breath, and move on. Focus on the good. Practice gratitude. Do something positive to get me headed in a helpful direction. My “do something positive” was writing this post in hopes that it might help somebody else.

How are you doing? Really. Look in the mirror. Ask that question honestly. Be real with yourself. Then find someone safe and be real with them. Vulnerability is hard. It feels like walking down the street naked. But it’s also really good for us and our relationships. And your willingness to “go there” may give someone else the courage to do the same.

So the next time those negative emotions start to bubble up, find a healthy place to let them out, then let them go. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Fight the Coronavirus Blues with a Personal Symbol of Hope

April 25, 2020 / / 0 Comments

I’ve never been a fan of winter. Even as a kid, I hated being cold. Sure, I’d play outside for awhile, making snow people and having snowball fights with my sisters. But after an hour or so, I’d retreat indoors by the fire with a good book or video game, dreaming of warm days filled with shooting baskets, playing catch with my dad, and tromping through the woods.

That’s why I loved robins. As the long, gray months of Michigan winters wound to a close, I would peer expectantly out the windows, eager to catch a glimpse of the first robin of spring. The bird became a symbol of hope for me, a sign that winter was indeed almost over, and the long-anticipated renewal was almost here.

With homemade masks on against the coronavirus, my wife Lisa and I were walking in a nearby park recently when I saw a flash of red. Hopping from place to place, looking for seeds beneath an oak tree, was a robin. The sight brought me back to my childhood, and along with it came a familiar longing.

Like all of us, I feel trapped in a long coronavirus winter, stuck inside when I’d rather be out playing. And unlike winter, the current pandemic induced season we’re in has no reliable end-date. All we know is that it’s going to be a long slog. That’s a depressing thought.

But the robin reminded me of an important truth. This winter will pass. Spring will come. It always does. Research will be completed. Containment measures will be improved. A vaccine will eventually be found. The world we return to will probably look differently than we remember when we finally emerge, blinking in the sun. This experience will change us, as 9/11 did, and we’ll adapt to a new normal. But it’s going to be okay. We’re going to get there. Together.

So what’s your symbol of hope? What image or word or experience or possession or animal or person reminds you of a promised renewal? Perhaps yours relates to the hopeful message of the recent Easter season. It could be the aroma of fresh baked bread. Maybe it’s the sunrise, or a cherished book or song.

Whatever it is, find a way to focus on that symbol during this challenging time. Place it on a sticky note on your mirror. Use it as your phone’s home screen or computer background. Add it to your playlist. Set it on your nightstand. Bake it tonight. If you do, you’ll feel the winds of hope begin to stir, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Me and my wife Lisa
« Older posts Newer posts »

Never Miss a Post – Subscribe Here!

© 2025 Becoming Yourself

Theme by Anders Noren — Up ↑