Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

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Actor Rainn Wilson’s ONE Big Question May Surprise You – and Change Your Life

December 7, 2019 / / 0 Comments

Sometimes an author’s words express your heart and experience better than you could yourself. That was true for me recently when I came across this excerpt from a book I’d read years ago called The Sacred Romance:

“The Sacred Romance calls to us every moment of our lives. It whispers to us on the wind, invites us through the laughter of good friends, reaches out to us through the touch of someone we love. We’ve heard it in our favorite music, sensed it at the birth of our first child, been drawn to it while watching the shimmer of a sunset on the ocean. It is even present in times of great personal suffering—the illness of a child, the loss of a marriage, the death of a friend. Something calls to us through experiences like these and rouses an inconsolable longing deep within our heart, wakening in us a yearning for intimacy, beauty, and adventure.

This longing is the most powerful part of any human personality. It fuels our search for meaning, for wholeness, for a sense of being truly alive. However we may describe this deep desire, it is the most important thing about us, our heart of hearts, the passion of our life. And the voice that calls to us in this place is none other than the voice of God.”

The Sacred Romance by John Eldredge and Brent Curtis

You may not believe in God. I get that position, and I respect it. Regardless of where you fall on the faith spectrum, I’m guessing that most of us can relate to the feelings and experiences described above.

Author Rob Bell

So that begs the question – is that “voice that calls to us” in those moments God or not? As actor Rainn Wilson (Dwight from the TV show “The Office”) said in a fascinating interview on author Rob Bell’s recent podcast, it is THE question – does God exist? Why is that so important? Because the answer affects every part of our lives. Everything else flows from it. Either we’re a random byproduct of matter and energy or we’re not. Either we’re alone in the universe or we’re not. Either there’s a guiding creative force or there’s not. Either there’s an overarching purpose to our existence or there’s not. Our answer to the God question impacts our relationships, how we spend our time, our money, our energy. It influences our work, our play, our search for meaning. It alters our hope for the future or lack of it. It speaks to our sense of identity, our self worth, and what happens when we die. Everything.

So how do we know? There are some rational, logical arguments for God’s existence that I find compelling, like the Moral Law Argument (God makes sense of the existence of objective moral law), the Teleological Argument (God makes sense of the existence of the universe), and the Fine Tuning Argument (God makes sense of the delicate balance of physical laws that allow life to exist) among others. That said, they aren’t proofs. No one can conclusively prove (or disprove) God’s existence.

To believe in God requires an acknowledgment that there are other ways of discovering truth than the logical reasoning of the mind. It’s how we believe in the existence of love. Though love can’t be proven rationally, we see compelling evidence of it and feel the truth of it in our bones. That’s what the above passage from The Sacred Romance is saying – there are feelings and experiences common to virtually all of us that point toward the existence of some type of Higher Power, one that, as crazy as it may sound to our rational mind at times, created us, loves us, and wants a relationship with us.

If that’s true, as I personally believe, then we will only become our highest, most fulfilled selves, only live our most satisfying and joyful lives, when we align ourselves with that reality. We become the best version of ourselves when we acknowledge and work on our spiritual side, as well as our mental, emotional, and physical aspects.

So how about you? Are you developing your spiritual side? Are you open to the existence of a Guiding Spirit, Life Force, Love, Allah, God, or whatever you may call it? Not from a fear of hell or some other punitive punishment, but from a desire to truly thrive, to become your best self, and to experience life to the fullest.

Reason and faith are two sides of the same coin – you need both to discover Truth. Choosing to utilize only your rational mind and reject faith as a means of understanding reality is like viewing a panoramic nature scene with one eye closed or running a race on one leg. You can do it, but you’re missing out on the full experience.

In those deep moments of wonder, awe, pain, mystery, and intimacy, are you in tune with what The Sacred Romance calls “the voice of God”? Will you respond to it? I sincerely believe your best life is found by answering “yes” to that question. Think it through. Weigh the decision for yourself. Experiment with developing your spiritual side. Meditate. Pray. Read spiritual writings. Try out a temple, mosque, or church. Talk with someone who has a spiritual life you respect. If you do, you’ll take another huge step toward Becoming Yourself.

What Being Lost in the Zambian Wilderness Taught Me About Achieving Goals

November 30, 2019 / / 0 Comments

I was lost in the middle of bush country in Zambia. I had traveled to the African nation with a church group to work with AIDS orphans. As a part of that effort, we were taking food, blankets, and other supplies to a remote village that had been devastated by the disease.

The day started calmly enough. I climbed into the back of the open bed truck with the rest of my group and perched on sacks of mealie meal as we pulled away from the guest house outside the capitol of Lusaka. Soon the paved road turned to a dirt road which led to a two track which became open wilderness.

We had traveled far across the rolling landscape, winding our way through huge clumps of brush when our driver stopped and got out of the truck. I glanced around expectantly, but there was literally nothing in sight. Our Zambian driver looked at us and proclaimed, “We lost. I go find us.” And with that, he ran off and disappeared.

After getting over the initial shock of that statement, we laughed and talked about how strange it was to be plucked from our suburban American comfort to find ourselves in the middle of the African bush. But as ten minutes turned to fifteen and our driver had not returned, the reality of our situation began to sink in. None of us had any idea where we were. The winding path we’d taken through the brush had left us all completely disoriented. There was no cell service. We became quiet and tense. I don’t think I was alone in silently questioning the wisdom of my decision to go on this journey.

Much to our collective relief, our driver appeared a short time later and declared that he had reoriented himself. We were once again off through the wilderness.

Soon I heard the unexpected sound of singing in the distance. It grew louder as we crested a hill and saw a small village laid out before us. Coming from the circle of mud and thatch huts was line of women, children, and old men, singing and waving their arms in greeting. The joy on their faces was palpable. I was stunned. No president has ever received a better welcome. Even as I write this, my eyes are filling with tears at that memory from sixteen years ago.

We pulled into a small open area among the huts and began passing out the supplies. Women took heavy bags of mealie meal, a course flour made from maize, and cried out with joy. Children laughed and yelled exuberantly as we tossed out soccer balls. Old men clutched the blankets we handed them and cried.

I will never forget that day. Something deep inside of me shifted, changed, grew. The world shrunk for me, and I recognized strangers on the other side of the globe as my sisters, grandparents, nieces and nephews. I had come to a place I’d never been geographically and found a place I’d never been within myself.

I share that story to ask you this – who do you want to become? What is your personal development goal? Where do you want to see yourself in five years? Ten? At the end of your life? Reaching those goals will require going places you’ve never been, and sometimes you’re going to get lost along the way. You’ll find yourself sitting in the back of a truck, in the middle of the wilderness, wondering where you are and if this journey was such a good idea.

Embrace it. Fight past the fear and the allure of your familiar comforts. Becoming someone worth being sometimes means hacking your way through unmarked territory, along a path less traveled. But it’s worth it. You’re worth it. Do it. You’ll find footprints of those who’ve gone before you, signposts to help guide you. Step out. Like Bilbo leaving his safe hobbit hole to follow a wizard and some unruly dwarves, take up the adventure. Your future self, and those you inspire along the way, will thank you for it. You’ll take another giant step toward Becoming Yourself.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

From “The Road Not Taken” by Robert Frost

How to Turn Your Angst into Action (part 2): Ask Life’s Most Persistent and Urgent Question

November 23, 2019 / / 2 Comments

The following post is part two of a two-part series by guest author Susan Stocker, one of the co-authors of the Barmen Today Declaration. Part one (you can read it here) told Susan’s personal story of how she became the catalyst for writing the Declaration, a pledge for a more compassionate and inclusive worldview. Today she concludes with some practical insights on how to live out this commitment in your daily life and take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

In the late 1950’s Martin Luther King, Junior said that life’s most persistent and urgent question is: “What are you doing for others?”

What if this is a trick question? We have all been concentrating on “doing” for others – donating, marching in the streets, working in soup kitchens and hospital gift shops. Maybe the word “doing” threw us off. “Doing” doesn’t seem to be “doing” a whole lot, working well, or changing much.

Seven of us from Father Richard Rohr’s Living School program collaborated on a document called Barmen Today: A Contemporary, Contemplative Declaration. More than twenty-seven thousand people have signed Barmen Today, including leaders in current theological/spiritual fields. People from all walks of life and demographic groups also felt compelled to commit to the principles espoused in the declaration. (Read and sign it here)

Soon the responsible seven of us starting wondering what to “do” with this small but not insignificant group of signers. Should we plan rallies, write letters to congressmen or newspapers, have small group meetings, show up at churches and spread the news? We were concentrating on “doing” something with the others who were as interested as we were in “doing” something for others.

Then, one recent morning, in Richard Rohr’s daily meditation (found at cac.org), Cynthia Bourgeault talked about The Kingdom of Heaven and quoted Jim Marion as saying that The Kingdom of Heaven is undoubtedly a metaphor for a state of consciousness. The Kingdom of Heaven is not a place you go to (after you die, up in the stars) but a place you come from (every moment of every day in your interactions with all others, including God or whatever you name the Source of all Life).

The Kingdom of Heaven–sometimes called Peace on Earth, Nirvana, Joy, Ecstasy, Equality, Justice, Mercy, Love – it goes by many names—is a way of seeing, a perceptual framework, which sees no separation between God and humans, between humans and other humans, between the lover and the beloved, between Beauty and the Beast, between those who agree with me and those with whom I disagree. I am not only my brother’s keeper; I am my brother. John Donne in a sermon in 1624 suggested we stop asking “for whom the bell tolls.” It tolls for me every time it tolls for thee.

Perhaps, then, the question of what to do with the 27,000 of us is to begin a small (but not insignificant) revolution in seeing. What if each of us concentrated on seeing with eyes that refused to discern separation, with hearts that refused to hold the hatred which is only possible when we feel separate, and with minds open to the possibility, the very real possibility, of The Kingdom of Heaven being here and now and available to all “with eyes to see and ears to hear,” as the Gnostic Gospel concludes every chapter.

Now, that would be a revolution, my friends. And we make it happen by “doing” nothing but “being” awake, alive, aware and open. Ready?

READ AND SIGN THE BARMEN TODAY DECLARATION HERE

Susan Stocker is a blogger, novelist, and Marriage and Family Therapist with Masters degrees in Communication and Counseling. She served as a mental health ambassador to China in 1998 and has volunteered with the Alzheimer’s Association, American Cancer Society, and many other organizations. Her published works include Only Her Naked Courage (2013), Heart 1.5 (2013), The Many Faces of Anxiety (2013), The Many Faces of PTSD (2010), and Heart (1981), as well as her blog The Many Faces of PTSD (manyfacesofptsd.wordpress.com). She is on a lifelong journey toward Becoming Herself. You can contact her at sraustocker@yahoo.com.

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