Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

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How to Take a Free Vacation Every 7 Days – and Get More Done

Sabbath - BurnoutIn college, I tackled what was, for me, a really difficult music performance major. I’d gone into college with almost no musical experience, and I was hanging on my by fingertips in classes that assumed years of training. I was working like mad just to survive the workload in a competitive field of study where you were never really done. There was always more practicing to do.

About halfway through my freshman year, I was tired to the point of burning out. I knew something had to change. That’s when I came up with my Seinfeld and Cheesecake Rule. It was basically this: whenever Seinfeld was on TV, I’d stop and watch it. Whenever my favorite dessert cheesecake was available, I’d eat it. Strange, I know, but it was a way of putting intentional breaks into my overwhelming schedule. A method of telling myself when it was ok to stop. A reminder to enjoy life. To lift my head up for a moment from my work, look around, and regain some perspective.

Sabbath - CheesecakeThings got better. I found myself more rested and able to push through the hard times knowing I had those breaks to look forward to. As time went on, I worked to expand the exercise into taking a full day off every week. In Jewish and Christian traditions, it’s called taking a Sabbath day. In the Bible, it’s even one of the 10 Commandments (see below). Why did it make one of the Big 10? I think it’s because God knew our human tendency to go like the Energizer Bunny. To constantly try to achieve something, to be busy. To become human doings vs. human beings.

Sabbath - ProductivityOne of the big objections I had to this idea early on was the belief that I had too much to do. That I didn’t have time to take a full day off. I was afraid I’d fall behind in my work and not accomplish as much as I wanted to. But I’ve come to realize that, over the long haul, the opposite is true. When I take a full day off, I am renewed, rested, and motivated for the rest of the week. I’ve found that I actually accomplish more in 6 energized days than in 7 tired days. And it’s a lot more enjoyable way to live.

This concept is beautifully illustrated by a simple story I heard a pastor tell 30 years ago that still sticks with me:

A young woodcutter joined a logging crew. Eager to impress his older co-workers, he worked hard. At the end of his first day, he went up to the oldest logger and bragged, “I cut down five trees today.” The old logger replied, “That’s great, son, but the average around here is seven.” Determined to succeed, the young man went out earlier and stayed later the next day but only cut down four trees. The third day, he even worked through his breaks but only cut down three trees. In frustration, he went to the old logger and said, “I don’t understand it. I work harder and longer than anyone else but I can’t keep up.” The old logger smiled and said, “Son, that’s because we take the time to stop and sharpen our axes.”

Sabbath - RestTaking a day off a week isn’t being lazy. It’s not a wasted opportunity. It’s strategically taking the time to sharpen your ax. The concept of sabbath is recharging, renewing, and makes you more productive. It’s like taking a mini-vacation every 7 days. It gives you more joy in life and helps you keep perspective on what’s really important.

If this isn’t something you’ve done before, it will probably take some time to put into practice. Look at your schedule and pick the day of the week that you think will work best. Start crossing off commitments for that day. Work toward shifting some of the activities that you would normally do that day to the rest of your week. Better yet, take this as an opportunity to really look at everything you’re involved in and see what needs to go. Like decluttering your house makes your living space feel so much better, decluttering your schedule makes your life feel so much better.

So how about it? Do you want to take a guilt free mini-vacation every seven days and get even more accomplished? You can do this. It takes some planning and intentionality but it is SO worth the effort. Go for it! If you do, you’ll take another joyful and productive step toward Becoming Yourself.

Observe the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Work six days and do everything you need to do. But the seventh day is a Sabbath to God, your God. Don’t do any work—not you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your servant, nor your maid, nor your animals, not even the foreign guest visiting in your town. For in six days God made Heaven, Earth, and sea, and everything in them; he rested on the seventh day. Therefore God blessed the Sabbath day; he set it apart as a holy day.
The Bible, book of Exodus, chapter 20, verses 8-11, The Message version

What an Encounter with Goats Taught Me About Personal Development

It wasn’t what I expected to see in a major city like Sacramento. A few weeks ago, I was riding a Jump bike to meet my son for lunch. I crossed the Tower Bridge, then pedaled down the bike path along the Sacramento River, enjoying the view of downtown directly across the water.

Goats along the Sacramento River

And then I saw the goats. Lots of goats. About two hundred goats. I stopped my bike and just stared at them in confusion. Why was there a large herd of goats literally on the edge of bustling modern city? As I watched, they wandering the sloping riverbank, contentedly munching on clumps of tall weeds. A few dogs ran about, keeping the goats in line. A man lounged nearby in a portable chair under a shade tree, his hat pulled low over his eyes. It looked like a scene from the agricultural heartlands in the 1950s, not downtown Sacramento in 2019. I was utterly confused.

Then an article I read awhile ago came back to me. It was about cities using goats for landscaping in hard to reach areas. Suddenly, it all made sense. The city had hired this man to have his goats eat the weeds growing along the steep, rocky riverbank. It was a simple, old school, environmentally friendly way to trim an area not easily reached by modern landscaping equipment.

As I rode away, I realized how often I overlook simple solutions as I try to deal with the “weeds” in my life. The weeds of fear, anxiety, relational problems, exhaustion, stress, identity issues, career uncertainties – they all crop up at one point or another and need to be dealt with. I so easily gravitate toward the latest book, program, or fad that claims to address my problems. But sometimes, all that’s needed is a return to the simple habits I’ve learned but gotten away from. Getting enough sleep. Eating well. Moderate exercise. Maintaining work / life balance. Spending time with friends. Practicing gratitude. Being productive. Having a regular time of meditation / prayer / spiritual reflection. Helping others. Resting. Enjoying a hobby.

I’m not saying that all of the problems we face in our lives can be fixed with these kinds of simple practices. There are some issues that require deeper, more complex techniques to address effectively. But I think we often make the solutions to the “weed problems” in our lives out to be more complicated than necessary. We overthink them when sometimes all that’s needed is a back-to-basics approach. A focus on the fundamentals.

So as you look at pulling the weeds in your life, take a step back. Make sure the simple things are in place first. Go through a mental checklist of basic physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual practices that most of us learned when we were kids. As author Robert Fulghum reminded us, “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.” You may find that using these old-school goats will take care of a lot of your weeds, and you’ll be on your way to Becoming Yourself.

A Model for Personal Growth: Finding (and Being) a Mentor

Have you ever met someone who’s life you wanted to imitate? For me, his name is Clare. I got to know him because our sons have been best friends since kindergarten. He’s about ten years older than me, and the more we spent time together, the more I was intrigued by him. By his perspective. By his attitude. By his approach to life. By the way he talked about deep things in a casual, approachable way. There was just something about about the freedom, spontaneity, and balance he seemed to have that struck a chord with me.

I started being more intentional during our interactions. I asked open ended questions about life, then listened closely to what he had to say, trying to absorb as much as I could. We talked about raising kids, marriage, careers, faith, money management, death, retirement, serving others, traveling, you name it. He often challenged my thinking without ever pressuring me to change. Clare just offered his perspective and was content to let me do with it what I would.

Some of his beliefs and habits I adopted right away, but there were others I wasn’t ready for. They were too far outside of my mental box. I wasn’t equipped yet to understand or embrace them. As the years have passed and I’ve been exposed to more experiences, ideas, and relationships, I’ve come to embrace more and more of his way of thinking in many areas.

My friendship with Clare gave me a model of what my life could be like. Of what I could be like. He’s been a resource, a sounding board, and a source of wisdom for me over the years. Almost without my realizing it, Clare became a mentor to me.

A younger friend recently reached out to me asking if I’d be a mentor to him. I was honestly very surprised and humbled. After taking some time to think and pray about it, I decided it was something I wanted to do. I shared with him that I certainly don’t have all the answers, but, like Clare did with me, I was willing to give what I have. I told him that my thoughts, feelings, and beliefs on various topics have changed since I was his age twenty years ago. I explained that we might disagree on things and that’s okay. I let him know I was grateful for the opportunity to pass on what I’ve learned and was looking forward to what he will teach me in return.

So how about you? Could you use a “general life” mentor? Is there someone whose life, attitude, and perspective seems different, intriguing, and appealing? If you’re already spending time with that person, be intentional about the questions you ask. Draw them out. Soak up what they have to offer. If they’re not in your regular relational circle, reach out. Make the ask. Be clear about what you’re looking for. If they agree, makes sure you understand and respect their boundaries. Set clear parameters and expectations for the mentorship. For example, my friend and I agreed that, since we live in different states, we would FaceTime over our lunch hour once a week. We gave each other permission to share what we discussed with our spouses unless one of us specifically asked to keep something between us. That kind of clarity saves confusion and hurt feelings.

On the other side of the coin, are you living a life that would prepare you for being a mentor? Are you becoming a person that people notice because, in a good way, you stand out from the crowd? Does your life have something to say? I’m not talking about being arrogant or advertising yourself as a mentor, though professional life coaches definitely have their place. I’m saying that if you’ve worked steadily at personal development over a long period of time, it’s natural that you’d have something to offer other people who are attempting to walk the same path. If you are living in an open and real way in day-to-day relationships with people who are in different seasons of life, you may be asked to be a mentor. You can’t control that of course, but you can control the person you’re becoming. In addition, you could volunteer at one of a wide variety of organizations looking for people to serve as mentors of different types (check volunteermatch.org for opportunities near you).

My mentor Clare

I believe one reason to work hard at personal development is to attain a better quality of life for yourself. I think a second is to help provide a better quality of life for others. That’s why I said yes to mentoring my friend. That’s why I write this blog. As Clare was generous in sharing his life with me, I want to do the same for others however I can.

So ask yourself these questions:

  1. Is there someone who could be a mentor in your life?
  2. Are you working steadily at becoming a person others would look to for mentoring? Are there ways you could mentor someone now?

Be honest with your answers. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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