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Why am I here? Why do I even exist? Have you ever asked yourself that big question? Do you ever wrestle with a nagging sense of responsibility? The feeling that you should be spending your life well but not being sure what that actually means?
I was struggling with this question back in college and came up with an answer. Thirty years later, it’s still serving me well. Having a working response to “Why am I here?” grounds me, gives me relief from guilt, and provides an overall sense of direction and focus for my life. My specific answers may not be right for you, but I hope that reading them will help you come up with your own. So here’s my take. I exist to do 4 things:
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1. KNOW GOD – You may not believe in God. I get that. If so, feel free to skip to #2. My belief in God is based on a lot of very subjective personal experiences and some rational arguments that, while certainly not conclusive, are more compelling to me than the counter positions. I could be wrong on that score, but that’s where I’m at now. For me, this is my most important reason for existing because all my other reasons flow from it. I’ve found that pursuing a personal relationship with God fuels the other three things on my list while giving me comfort, hope, meaning and much more.
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2. KNOW MYSELF – If you’ve read any of my other Becoming Yourself blog posts, you probably know that self-knowledge is a pretty big deal to me. I need a really good handle on who I am in order to become who I want to be. A sometimes painful peeling of the layers of my own proverbial onion is necessary for personal development. Since this is key to a rich, satisfying life, it comes in at #2 on my list. Here’s a few of my favorite quotes on this topic:
“All spiritual growth is no more than a matter of becoming who we already are.” Richard Rohr
“The early Buddhist view is that much or most of the misery of human life resulted from the false view of self.” Parfit
“To that which Thou hast made me, I aspire.” George MacDonald
3. HELP OTHERS – Most of us would probably agree with this one, but have you ever wondered why? First off, I believe that if some objective standard of Right and Wrong exists, helping other people falls on the “Right” side of things. Second, the Golden Rule I learned as a kid still applies (“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Jesus in Luke 6:31) I definitely need and want people to help me, so it makes sense to reciprocate. Third, it makes me feel good. Giving some of my time, talents, effort, and money to lighten someone else’s load gives me good vibes in return.
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I’m reminded of another reason for helping others – it has a positive ripple effect. My wife Lisa and I were returning from our walk one morning when we passed a disheveled elderly man yelling something at people in the park. Unfortunately, homelessness is a common problem for many in Sacramento, so he was being ignored. As I listened, I realized he wasn’t being belligerent but asking for help. I said good morning and asked him what he needed. He explained he’d just been released from the hospital and was trying to get back to his house, about a ten minute drive away. We don’t have a car in Sacramento so we called him a Lyft and explained the situation to the driver. Once we were sure she was comfortable taking the man home for us, we got him buckled into her car, paid for the ride and gave the driver a good tip.
As the Lyft was pulling away, a man walking his dog asked us if everything was all right. After we told him what had happened, he thanked us for what we’d done. He said if we all took the time to do small things like that to help each other, then we wouldn’t need as many government social programs. I was reminded that when I help people, I motivate others to do the same.
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4. ENJOY LIFE – I think that enjoying life is not just fun and relaxing but one of my key reasons for being. It makes me much more pleasant to be around and fills my emotional tank, which helps me live out the other three reasons listed above. Spending time doing things I enjoy reminds me that I’m a human being not a human doing. I could be wrong, but I think I’m more than a cosmic accident of time + matter + energy + chance. I believe I was made for joy and a relationship with God (“I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy would be complete.” Jesus in John 15:11). Lisa and I had our kids not so they could produce work but so that we could enjoy them and they could enjoy life. I think God did the same in creating me.
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So how about you? Why are you here? Why do you think you exist? What reasons would make your list? Take a few minutes today to think it through. Keep your answer short. Make it simple. Easy to remember. Enjoy the freedom and focus that having an answer brings. Use it as a framework to build your life around. Let it guide your future plans and daily decisions. If you do, you’ll take another giant step toward Becoming Yourself.
I hate floor tile. I’m more of a wood floor and carpet person. What I hate even more is cleaning tile. It had been on my to do list for a long time. I finally broke down and started the task by telling myself all I had to clean was the master bathroom floor and then I could quit.
As I listened to “How to Achieve Your Most Ambitious Goals“ by Stephen Duneier, I was surprised to realize that I was actually using the technique the speaker was encouraging. I was breaking up a big task or goal into small, manageable pieces and then just taking the first step. It’s along the lines of the old adage “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” But this talk adds the tips of identifying your bites and utilizing otherwise wasted time in your day to take them.
By the way, after I finished cleaning the master bathroom floor, I knocked out the entryway and downstairs bath floors as well! While floor cleaning is hardly an audacious goal, learning to apply this technique on smaller tasks gives me confidence in using it for bigger ones. Listen to this short TED Talk on a manageable way to achieve your audacious goals and take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
