My wife Lisa and I are recent empty nesters. We’re in our late 40s and live near Phoenix, AZ. Our son Kilian graduated college last year and is living on his own as a graphic designer in California. Our daughter Kennedy is a senior in college in Pittsburgh with plans to move to New York City after graduation to continue her acting career. For years Lisa and I have dreamed of pursuing our love of travel once the kids were on their own. Now that they are, and thanks to Lisa’s job as a successful novelist, we are fortunate enough to have the means and the flexibility to do it.

But, until recently, something was holding us back – my job. As a music pastor on staff at a church, something I’ve done for 25 years, I needed to be in town most of the time for meetings, rehearsals and weekend services. That made the kind of travel we wanted to do impossible. I also had a growing itch, what I would even say was a sense of calling from God, to pursue writing, something I’ve had a passion for since I was a kid but never chased after. My job, in that form, was preventing us from pursuing those dreams. I knew that but I couldn’t let it go.

Cue my wife Lisa. She has this annoying habit of knowing what’s best for me before I do. About six months ago, we were once again talking about how one day I would cut back at work to allow us to live out our dreams of traveling and both of us writing. Finally she just asked me the question I needed to hear: “What are you waiting for?”

I was pinned and I knew it. So I did what any mature, intellectually honest adult would do: I backpedalled. I rationalized. I made excuses. She patiently listened to me for an hour as I threw up my meager defenses and slogged through my conflicted feelings. Then I finally got clarity on my hesitation to do this thing we’ve both dreamed of for so long – I was afraid of letting go. I said I was afraid of the financial impact (reality – thanks to her career, we had the margin). I said I was afraid of not doing meaningful work (reality – I could still do music for the church at a reduced rate and start writing). I said I was afraid of losing the relationships I had with the people I work with (reality – I could still see those friends on the weekends and attend meetings when I chose to). But really it came down to me being afraid of letting go. Of letting go of something that had been meaningful, comfortable and a big part of my identity for so long.

After that conversation, and a little more processing and prayer, I went in and spoke to my boss. I explained where I was at and what I wanted to do – move from a staff role to an independent contractor, cut the number of weekends per year I was on stage in half and no longer attend meetings. He could not have been more understanding and supportive. He said he could make it work. I walked out of that meeting feeling like an elephant had stopped hitching a ride on my shoulders. I was unbelievably excited about the future and the question that kept blazing through my mind was “Why I did I wait so long to let go?”

So I’m on a new adventure. With the time I’ve saved since my job status change this past July, I’ve started this blog and am working on a novel. As I write this, Lisa and I are sitting in an Airbnb in California on a three week trip to visit our son, escape the Phoenix heat and write. I am LOVING my new life!

What things in your life do you need to let go of? That extra commitment that’s exhausting you? A job? A relationship? Something that served you well for a time but whose season has ended? What excuses are you making that keep you holding on tight? What fears do you need to pry from your subconscious and lay against reality? What roadblock are you clinging to that’s keeping you from your living your dreams? My challenge and encouragement to you is this – let it go. When you do, you’ll take another giant step toward Becoming Yourself.