I recently came across this post I originally published April 16, 2022. As January is a time for reflection and goal setting for many of us, I’m sharing it again in hopes that it helps you take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
A goal without a plan is only a dream.
Brian Tracy
In my last post, I told the story of my author dream and the goals I set to help it become a reality.
How can you set effective goals for your dream? Here are some helpful tips I learned from the Book Marketing Simplified podcast on making S.M.A.R.T. goals. A S.M.A.R.T. goal is:
Specific Measurable Achievable Relevant Timely
Specific
Dreams are spacious and often vague. Goals are sharp and clear. Determine thoughtful, reasoned actions that will maximize your efforts and move you in the desired direction. The fact that my four writing goals were focused and sequential helped me stay on course and persevere.
Measurable
Establish definable metrics so you know if you’ve reached your goal or not. One of my measurable goals was “Complete the rough draft of a full-length book” vs. the indefinable “Do some writing.” I knew I had met this goal when I wrote “The End.”
Achievable
While having a big dream is wonderful, having unrealistic goals is not. Smaller, realistic goals will give you observable progress and keep you motivated. One of my achievable goals was “Get any book deal” vs. “Get a huge advance plus a movie deal.”
Relevant
Make sure each goal is in direct service to your dream. Other good ideas or passions might pop up during this process. Set aside those that lead you off the path. You can revisit them later. I considered music goals while pursing my writing goals, but saying no to them helped me focus.
Timely
If your goals have no end date, you’re far less likely to achieve them. Having a deadline provides motivation. Even if you don’t meet it, a timeline helps you reevaluate and make revisions for the future. For me, this was giving myself twelve months to meet my first income goal.
So which dream are you ready to pursue? What are three S.M.A.R.T. goals you can make right now to help you realize that dream? Make them Specific. Make them Measurable. Make them Achievable. Make them Relevant. Make them Timely. If you do, your dream will be another step closer to reality, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
It’s part of a series of dreams come true—I finished another book. I have an awesome editor. I have a book deal at a major publishing house. My agent recently gave me some great encouragement on how I’m doing at this early stage of my writing career. It all made me feel like a confident dreamer.
Yet there were times during the process of writing this book that I felt terrible. Lost on how to proceed. Feeling like a fraud. Imagining my editor would realize she made a terrible mistake and cancel my contract. Moments when I placed my head in my hands and metaphorically howled at the moon. They were all clear signs of an insecure screamer.
I recently attended a webinar on marketing by an author I admire. Then I saw that another popular and accomplished author I respect was in attendance. The negative thoughts rushed in—I could never be like them, never do what they’ve done. Yet as the session unfolded, I realized I’d already worked on much of what was being shared. It felt reassuring and gave me the sense that I can make it in this new career. I experienced insecurity and confidence in the same hour.
So am I a confident dreamer or an insecure screamer? Clearly, the answer is both. There are times when I’m cruising along belting “Don’t Stop Believing” and other times when my confidence is a pile of wreckage on the side of the road.
I don’t think I’m alone in this dichotomy. The reality is that if we’re pursuing a big enough dream, there will be times we feel insecure. If not, we’re probably playing it too safe, not daring wildly or reaching far enough. On the flip side, if we’re often mired in crippling insecurity, that’s a sign we need to work on our belief in our calling, abilities and self-worth.
So how do you find that balance between being a confident dreamer and an insecure screamer? The first step is to realize that, as author and speaker Andy Stanley puts it, this is not a problem to be solved but a tension to be managed.
How do you manage that tension? Regularly reach for your dreams in ways that scare you a bit. Make that call. Have that conversation. Submit that proposal. Go to that seminar. Enter that contest. Take that class. Raise your hand. Say yes.
Balance those insecurity-inducing steps with things that bolster your confidence. Routinely rest and play to restore your perspective. Believe in someone or something bigger than yourself. Spend time with encouraging, life-giving people. Step away from negative, draining relationships. Consume inspiring, motivating content through books, music, podcasts, movies and shows. Embrace your own uniqueness and worth.
Learn to be comfortable living with the tension between being a confident dreamer and an insecure screamer. If you do, you’ll move closer to your most audacious goals, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
“What’s your dream?… This is Hollywood, land of dreams. Some come true, some don’t, but keep on dreaming.”
Man on the street at the end of the movie “pretty woman”
Kids are great at dreaming. They haven’t learned yet that there’s a limited demand for princesses (props on beating the odds Meghan Markle) or nonathletic NBA players. Nor have they faced the mockery that people who are disappointed with how their own lives turned out often heap on dreamers in a vain effort to not feel so bad about themselves. So in their blissful ignorance, kids are wonderfully honest and optimistic about their dreams.
But somewhere along the line, most of us stop dreaming. Life smacks us in the face a few times, and we give up. Decide it’s not worth risking our hearts anymore. If we don’t stop, we often allow other people to tell us what our dreams should be or define what achieving them looks like.
Here’s my encouragement for you today – pick one dream you want to accomplish. It can be big or small, old or new. Maybe it’s one you gave up on a long time ago. Whatever it is, choose something that makes your heart beat fast. A dream you have a real passion for. One that would get you out of bed in the morning. Forget what anyone else thinks, and pick your own true heart’s desire. Let’s call this your Big Dream.
Got one? Next, think of a short list of Support Dreams. These are smaller dreams that would mark significant accomplishments on the way to your Big Dream. Then focus your efforts on accomplishing your first Support Dream. Work hard and celebrate like crazy when you’ve achieved it. Whether you ever reach the second one or not. Whether other people think it’s a big deal or not. You accomplished a dream! Even if it’s small, you did it. You made it happen. And if you have the courage and drive to keep going, you’re closer than ever to making your Big Dream a reality.
Here’s an example. Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to be a writer. I loved to read, and books had a major impact on me. I dreamed of being able to encourage, inspire, and entertain people with written words. My life took a different path, but I’ve recently returned to that dream I had as a child. I’ve chosen becoming a professional writer as my Big Dream.
I’m not going to lie – it’s daunting. It’s a dream that many have had and few have accomplished. But it’s mine. It’s real. It’s from my heart. So to help me on my way, I’ve come up with a short list of Support Dreams.
Support Dreams
Support Dream #1 – WRITE A BOOK. Not just think about it, talk about it, or fantasize about it, but actually sit down and crank out an entire book. Even if no-one ever reads it. Status– DONE! I finished the rough draft of my first novel in March 2018. My wife Lisa and I went out to my favorite restaurant to celebrate that night and got a surprise when we arrived. The top of the daily menu said, “Congratulations on your book, Matt!” I have it framed in our living room. Whatever happens from here, I accomplished a dream!
Support Dream #2 – GET AN AGENT. Full disclosure, I had a big leg up here. I had some great coaching and connections from my incredible wife Lisa McMann, a NY Times bestselling author. I learned about the industry, wrote a query letter, memorized an elevator pitch, met with an agent, and did some hard editing based on feedback. Status – DONE! I was signed by the amazing Michael Bourret at Dystel, Goderich, and Bourret. If nothing else ever happens on the way to my Big Dream, I accomplished this dream. That’s worth celebrating.
Support Dream #3 – GET A BOOK DEAL. This is a tough one, not only because the odds are against me, but because it’s largely out of my hands. This is mainly about my agent working his contacts with editors at publishing houses trying to get them to make an offer on my book. Status – IN PROCESS. My manuscript has gone out to eleven editors in the first round, and I’ve gotten five rejections so far. We’re waiting to hear back from the others.
Support Dream #4 – WRITE A BETTER BOOK. As work on support dream #3 cranks slowly along, I set myself to the task of taking what I’d learned from the first book and writing a second, better book. Status – DONE! I finished the rough draft this week. It still needs a lot of editing, but I’m proud of my work. Even if no-one else ever read this manuscript, I completed it. I accomplished another dream!
Support Dream #5 – EARN A LIVING WAGE AS A WRITER. Seeing as I don’t even have a first book deal yet, this is obviously a “way out there” support dream. That said, it’s an important step to include on my journey toward my Big Dream of becoming a professional writer. Status – NOT EVEN CLOSE.
I’m not saying this process is easy. I have days when I’m down, and it seems like my Big Dream will never happen. When I feel that way, I turn to my Support Dreams. I soak in the sense of accomplishment I have for the ones I’ve already achieved. Then I focus my efforts on my next Support Dream and let my Big Dream take care of itself. It really helps. Worst case scenario, I’ve written two books and landed a fantastic agent. I feel pretty great about that.
How about you?
So what’s your Big Dream? The one that you can’t get away from? The dream that takes your breath away when you allow yourself to imagine it coming true? What’s keeping you from chasing it now? Sometimes seasons of life make it harder or easier to go after a Big Dream, like how being an empty nester opened up the opportunity for me to pursue writing. But if you’re putting your Big Dream off, ask yourself this – is it really not possible now or are you rationalizing? Be honest with yourself. Is fear holding you back? Are you letting others define you dreams or your vision of success?
Pick a Big Dream. Make a short list of Support Dreams. Work hard at the first one. Watch your energy and passion grow. Even if the process leads you to a different destination than you imagined, remember that having the courage to take the journey is an accomplishment in itself. Celebrate each small success along the way. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
