Developing a Better You

Tag: becoming an author

Want to Achieve Your Dreams? Just Keep Showing Up

The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.

thomas edison

Since childhood, I’ve dreamed of becoming a published author.

Growing up, I read voraciously and enjoyed creative writing. I thought how amazing it would be if someday other people enjoyed my stories the way I loved those penned by the authors I idolized. But in high school, I decided to pursue music. Three years ago, I left a twenty-six year career as a profession musician to chase my long-delayed writing dream.

Things started off surprisingly well. Having my wife Lisa McMann, a highly successful NY Times bestselling author, as my writing coach gave me a huge leg up. The first book I wrote, which I thought would be a throw-away practice novel, landed me a great literary agent. After he helped me improve the manuscript, the first editor he pitched it to liked it. After I did a revised draft for her, she took it to her team to build support. I was amazed. This was going to happen!

And then it didn’t. Her team had mixed feelings about my book, and she passed on it. While disappointed, I was still optimistic. If it got that close on the first try, surely my book would quickly sell to someone else, right? Wrong. All the editors in the next round said no. Then all the editors in in the round after that. A year later, I had a list of rejections as long as my arm.

Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.

harriet beecher stowe

Following my wife’s advice, I had continued writing during that submission period and had finished my second novel. My agent thought my writing had improved, so he stopped pitching my first book and began sending out my second. Again, nothing but a steady stream of rejections came my way. I struggled to maintain any hope as I regularly read the announcements of book deals for other authors. How would my writing ever stand out? How could I ever break through? The odds seemed insurmountable.

Never give up on something that you can’t go a day without thinking about.

Winston Churchill

My published author friends were incredibly encouraging. Kevin Sands shared that his first three books did nothing before his hugely popular Blackthorn Key series. He told me, “Perseverance, more than anything, is what wins the day.” Anna-Marie McLemore told me that their first seven books didn’t sell. But they kept going, kept pursuing their dream. Time magazine recently named their book Blanca and Roja among the top 100 fantasy novels of all time and When the Moon Was Ours as one of the the world’s most influential young adult novels.

You just can’t beat the person who won’t give up.

babe ruth

So I kept going. Kept watching author craft videos. Kept learning. Kept writing. Kept editing. I wrote a third novel, then a fourth, which was my agent’s favorite. He paused sending out my second book and submitted my fourth to an editor.

A few weeks later, it happened. I got the call. I had an offer. Now I have my first book deal with Penguin Random House Publishers (that’s all I able to share publicly at this point; I’ll post more details when I can). I’m going to be a published author!

It always seems impossible until it’s done.

nelson mandela

So what’s your dream? Is it a career change, mastering a new skill, or going on an adventure in an exotic destination? Have you been told it’s impossible? That you’re not good enough, smart enough, or talented enough? Is it a passing fancy or a deep, long-lasting desire? How brightly does your passion burn? Map a course. Take the first step. Build a habit. When you fall, get up. Start again. Focus on your goal. Your dream may be just around the corner. The outcome is not guaranteed, but what in life is? Fortune favors those who keep showing up. At worst, you’ll live a life in pursuit of your dream. At best, it will come true. Either way, you’ll take giant leaps toward Becoming Yourself.

How to Manage Change: a Story 26 Years in the Making

It’s been a long time coming. A few hours ago, after twenty-six years as a professional musician and worship leader, I walked off the stage for the last time. Today completed a two year transition from a career in music to full-time writing as a blogger and novelist. While I’ve already written about some of the things I’ve learned as I’ve managed this change (Jan 2019, Feb 2019, May 2019), the last few days have taught me new lessons.

Going in, I knew this weekend would be emotionally challenging for me. Even though this career change was something I wanted and initiated, I had anticipated a roller coaster of emotions. An organized planner by nature, I had been tempted to look ahead and try to structure or manage my emotions, as in, “I should feel happy when I’m singing” or “I should feel sad when talking to this person for the last time.”

Fortunately, through my times of meditation and prayer leading up to my final weekend, I saw the futility of that approach. I shifted my internal posture to one of openness, exemplified by a mental image of my hands held loosely in front of me, palms up. It was a way of reminding myself to just experience my feelings organically whenever and however they came, or as my accountability partner advised me, “Just feel the feels.”

When I got off the plane in Phoenix where I was playing my last weekend, I had a surprise voicemail – my friends and long-time band mates had arranged to all be on with me for my final time. I was genuinely touched and knew it would make the experience so much sweeter.

I played in four services, two on Saturday afternoon and two Sunday morning. The time on stage during the Saturday services was enjoyable, but after each one, the tears welled up. At the end of the night, I felt like I needed some time alone to process the emotions I felt building up inside of me, so I drove my rental car across the street to an empty parking lot. Sitting alone in the dark, I willed myself to cry, to let those emotions out. Nothing happened. I had some good moments of reflection but no tears. It wasn’t time. I drove back to where I was staying at a friend’s house and crashed on the bed, exhausted. I talked things through with my wife Lisa over FaceTime, then fell asleep at 9:15 pm.

The next morning, I arrived for the final two services feeling great. I was upbeat and joked with my friends. The first service went well, and when it was time for the second, I stepped out on stage for the last time feeling good, relaxed. For the first half of the set, I was just enjoying the moment. Then I turned and looked over at my bandmates, friends I’d served, played, and done life with for ten, thirteen, and fifteen years. Our keyboardist caught my eye and gave me a knowing smile. That was the moment it really sank in – after doing this hundreds of times over the years, we would never be on stage together again.

Then the emotions started to come. I managed to hold myself together enough to finish the set. I made it through the curtains backstage and promptly lost it. My incredible friend and accountability partner Ty plays guitar in the band, and I collapsed in his arms as we wept together. I did the same with other members of the band, dear friends all. The release that I knew I needed had finally arrived. I resisted the urge to stuff my emotions down and just let them come. It was a painful, magical, bittersweet, beautiful moment that I’ll always cherish.

A short time later, I drove away with a light heart and an overwhelming feeling of relief. I felt at peace. Joyful. Free. No regrets. With what I believe was God’s help, I was able to navigate an emotionally charged weekend of significant change. As I write this, I feel a deep sense of satisfaction and “rightness.” Whatever further processing may be ahead, I know I did everything I could to fully experience this change in the moment.

Change comes to all of us, welcome or no. As you face significant transitions in your life, here are a few things to keep in mind:

1. All change can generate both positive and challenging emotions. Even desired change usually involves a measure of grief, saying goodbye to one part of your life in order to make room for something better.

2. Everyone processes change differently. While it is important to navigate change in an authentic and meaningful way, don’t feel like your process has to look like anyone else’s.

3. “Feel the feels.” Rather than focus on how you think the change should make you feel, allow yourself to experience your emotions however and whenever they come. Don’t try to stuff, delay, deny, or avoid your feelings – embrace them. As you experience the change, take time to regularly ask yourself, “How am I feeling right now?” There’s no right or wrong way to feel as you process change, only healthy or unhealthy ways of expressing those feelings. Find positive, constructive outlets for releasing your emotions – crying, shouting into a pillow, journaling, meditating, praying, dancing, celebrating, laughing, talking with trusted friend, whatever works for you. Trust your instincts.

Change is inevitable. Change is difficult. Change is liberating. Change is exciting. Learn to process change well. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Find Your Calling: Matt McMann, photo credit Jamie Hines
Photo credit Jamie Hines

Reach Your Big Dreams with Support Dreams

“What’s your dream?… This is Hollywood, land of dreams. Some come true, some don’t, but keep on dreaming.”

Man on the street at the end of the movie “pretty woman”

Kids are great at dreaming. They haven’t learned yet that there’s a limited demand for princesses (props on beating the odds Meghan Markle) or nonathletic NBA players. Nor have they faced the mockery that people who are disappointed with how their own lives turned out often heap on dreamers in a vain effort to not feel so bad about themselves. So in their blissful ignorance, kids are wonderfully honest and optimistic about their dreams.

But somewhere along the line, most of us stop dreaming. Life smacks us in the face a few times, and we give up. Decide it’s not worth risking our hearts anymore. If we don’t stop, we often allow other people to tell us what our dreams should be or define what achieving them looks like.

Here’s my encouragement for you today – pick one dream you want to accomplish. It can be big or small, old or new. Maybe it’s one you gave up on a long time ago. Whatever it is, choose something that makes your heart beat fast. A dream you have a real passion for. One that would get you out of bed in the morning. Forget what anyone else thinks, and pick your own true heart’s desire. Let’s call this your Big Dream.

Got one? Next, think of a short list of Support Dreams. These are smaller dreams that would mark significant accomplishments on the way to your Big Dream. Then focus your efforts on accomplishing your first Support Dream. Work hard and celebrate like crazy when you’ve achieved it. Whether you ever reach the second one or not. Whether other people think it’s a big deal or not. You accomplished a dream! Even if it’s small, you did it. You made it happen. And if you have the courage and drive to keep going, you’re closer than ever to making your Big Dream a reality.

Here’s an example. Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to be a writer. I loved to read, and books had a major impact on me. I dreamed of being able to encourage, inspire, and entertain people with written words. My life took a different path, but I’ve recently returned to that dream I had as a child. I’ve chosen becoming a professional writer as my Big Dream.

I’m not going to lie – it’s daunting. It’s a dream that many have had and few have accomplished. But it’s mine. It’s real. It’s from my heart. So to help me on my way, I’ve come up with a short list of Support Dreams.

Support Dreams

Support Dream #1 – WRITE A BOOK. Not just think about it, talk about it, or fantasize about it, but actually sit down and crank out an entire book. Even if no-one ever reads it. Status– DONE! I finished the rough draft of my first novel in March 2018. My wife Lisa and I went out to my favorite restaurant to celebrate that night and got a surprise when we arrived. The top of the daily menu said, “Congratulations on your book, Matt!” I have it framed in our living room. Whatever happens from here, I accomplished a dream!

Support Dream #2 – GET AN AGENT. Full disclosure, I had a big leg up here. I had some great coaching and connections from my incredible wife Lisa McMann, a NY Times bestselling author. I learned about the industry, wrote a query letter, memorized an elevator pitch, met with an agent, and did some hard editing based on feedback. Status – DONE! I was signed by the amazing Michael Bourret at Dystel, Goderich, and Bourret. If nothing else ever happens on the way to my Big Dream, I accomplished this dream. That’s worth celebrating.

Support Dream #3 – GET A BOOK DEAL. This is a tough one, not only because the odds are against me, but because it’s largely out of my hands. This is mainly about my agent working his contacts with editors at publishing houses trying to get them to make an offer on my book. Status – IN PROCESS. My manuscript has gone out to eleven editors in the first round, and I’ve gotten five rejections so far. We’re waiting to hear back from the others.

Support Dream #4 – WRITE A BETTER BOOK. As work on support dream #3 cranks slowly along, I set myself to the task of taking what I’d learned from the first book and writing a second, better book. Status – DONE! I finished the rough draft this week. It still needs a lot of editing, but I’m proud of my work. Even if no-one else ever read this manuscript, I completed it. I accomplished another dream!

Support Dream #5 – EARN A LIVING WAGE AS A WRITER. Seeing as I don’t even have a first book deal yet, this is obviously a “way out there” support dream. That said, it’s an important step to include on my journey toward my Big Dream of becoming a professional writer. Status – NOT EVEN CLOSE.

I’m not saying this process is easy. I have days when I’m down, and it seems like my Big Dream will never happen. When I feel that way, I turn to my Support Dreams. I soak in the sense of accomplishment I have for the ones I’ve already achieved. Then I focus my efforts on my next Support Dream and let my Big Dream take care of itself. It really helps. Worst case scenario, I’ve written two books and landed a fantastic agent. I feel pretty great about that.

How about you?

So what’s your Big Dream? The one that you can’t get away from? The dream that takes your breath away when you allow yourself to imagine it coming true? What’s keeping you from chasing it now? Sometimes seasons of life make it harder or easier to go after a Big Dream, like how being an empty nester opened up the opportunity for me to pursue writing. But if you’re putting your Big Dream off, ask yourself this – is it really not possible now or are you rationalizing? Be honest with yourself. Is fear holding you back? Are you letting others define you dreams or your vision of success?

Pick a Big Dream. Make a short list of Support Dreams. Work hard at the first one. Watch your energy and passion grow. Even if the process leads you to a different destination than you imagined, remember that having the courage to take the journey is an accomplishment in itself. Celebrate each small success along the way. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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