Developing a Better You

Tag: best self (Page 1 of 17)

Find Peace with Let Them Come, Let Them Be, Let Them Go

Something about this quote caught my heart:

Let them come, let them be, let them go.

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It stirred a longing, a wistful feeling, a thinly veiled desire. It rang true. But what does it mean? 

One of the strengths of this quote is that it’s open to interpretation. Different people can find different meanings. For me, I realized it outlines a peaceful life, free from the fear of what may come, of what I’ll experience, and of what I might lose. I long for a life like that, to know that kind of relief and freedom on a daily basis. 

So how can I become a peaceful, mature, content person who lets things come, be and go? How can I live with open hands?

Photo by Lina Trochez on Unsplash

I need to embrace new ideas, new people, and new experiences. I must let them come, even when they challenge my comfort zone and my established thinking. And once they are there, I must let them be, appreciating and enjoying them for who and what they are without feeling the need to change them. I need to be open to what they have to teach. At the same time, I must be willing to let them go when they have run their course, served their purpose, finished their season (you can read my post on when to let go of a relationship here).

Most of us naturally struggle with some of these traits while gravitating toward others. As a routine-loving person with a slightly timid nature, I struggle to let them come. Diving into new experiences is scary for me. I’d also put let them go in the growth edge column. I tend to take too long to realize a once-cherished routine, activity or relationship has run its course. On the plus side, I’m usually comfortable with let them be

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Which of these three ways of living comes easiest to you? Which is your biggest struggle? What are you resisting allowing to come into your life? What’s already in your life that you feel the unnecessary need to “fix”? What are you struggling to let go of? Breath deep. Be honest. Open your metaphorical hands to people, ideas and experiences. Let them come. Let them be. Let them go. If you do, you’ll find greater peace and contentment, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published May 7, 2022.

How to Feel More Alive: Embrace Your Feelings and Push Through

While I’m away on book tour promoting my debut novels for a few weeks (you can read about them here), I decided to share some popular previously published content. The following post was originally published February 6, 2021.

I didn’t want to go.

My wife and I don’t own a car. We work from home and live in a highly walkable area. Recently we rented a car for the weekend to run some long distance errands. Wanting to take full advantage of it, I planned to drive to a favorite hiking destination that Sunday. But after a full day of running around on Saturday, sitting in my chair Sunday afternoon sounded a lot better than navigating rocky trails. It was also gloomy with a forecast of rain.

But knowing how life-giving hiking is for me, and how rare it was to have a car, I decided to press on. I made the drive and hit the trail, proud of myself and looking forward to the emotional lift that exercising in nature always brings me.

It didn’t come. Midway through the hike, I realized that I felt completely flat. No buzz. It was the emotional equivalent of walking a grocery aisle. Minus the food. Alone on the empty trail, I stopped and said aloud to God, “What am I doing here? I normally love this. Why am I not feeling anything? Why am I wasting my time?” What came to my mind and heart in response was this:

It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. Just keep going.

So I did. Something about simply embracing my feelings made me feel better. Though it wasn’t the emotional high I expected, the weight of disappointment and frustration were gone.

I paused to catch my breath after a long ascent and looked back. In the distance, I saw a solid sheet of rain steadily approaching. Instead of inspiring dread, it made me smile. For this hike, it seemed somehow fitting. I pressed on, seeing if I could out hike the rain.

The gusts increased, sending gray clouds sailing by overhead. I reached a rocky outcropping with a panoramic view of the foothills below me. I breathed in the scene, and as the rain began to fall, it felt like I was alone on a windswept moor in England. 

Fortunately, the real downpour drifted to the backside of the mountain, and I was spared a drenching. I made it back to my rental car with a deep sense of accomplishment. When I arrived home, I was surprised by the realization that I felt more alive than I had in a long time.

We all know that things that are good for us often aren’t enjoyable in the moment, like doing pushups or eating raw broccoli or swallowing bitter medicine. We do them for the benefit that comes later. But sometimes things that normally give us pleasure fail to do so. Yet they can still bear good fruit. Often when I feel lost or confused or gloomy or beaten down or unmotivated, I make myself do something that I know is good. That I’ll be glad I did when the storm clouds pass. The sense of accomplishment I gain doesn’t always pull me out of my funk, but it usually helps.

So when a normally life-giving activity disappoints you, try pressing on. If it continues to taste like stale bread, then maybe your interests have changed, and it’s time to move on. But in the meantime, stick it out. Do the good you know to do. Remember that it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. Just keep going. If you do, you might feel yourself coming alive, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Realize Your Dreams with S.M.A.R.T. Goals (Part 1)

I recently came across this post I originally published April 9, 2022. Given that January is time for reflection and goal setting for many of us, I thought I’d share it again in hopes that it helps you take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

I’ve dreamed of being an author since I was a kid.

The creative outlet. Having people enjoy my stories. Being my own boss. Having a flexible schedule. Making a difference in people’s lives.

For forty years that remained just a dream. Why? Because I never made any goals to bring that dream to life. A dream is only a destination. Goals are a roadmap to get you there.

When I was finally ready to take my author dream seriously, I made four goals:

1. Write a book.

This was something I’d never done before. Go from Chapter One until The End. Just finish, even if no one ever read it.

2. Get an agent.

Have a literary professional believe in me and my book enough to represent me.

3. Get a book deal.

Any book deal. From anybody. For any amount of money.

4. Make a living wage from writing for one year.

This was not so much about the money, but what it signifies—that a publisher and readers invested enough in my books to support me for a year.

Photo by Patrick Fore on Unsplash

I set those goals five years ago. I’m thrilled and a little stunned that I have achieved them all. Now I’m moving on to new goals, like having my debut series (the first two books publish May 9, 2023 and you can learn about them here) sell well enough that my publisher wants additional books, and being able to earn a living wage as an author for five consecutive years.

Making effective goals can feel overwhelming. I recently listened to a really helpful Book Marketing Simplified podcast on setting S.M.A.R.T. goals. In my next post, I’ll share some tips on how to apply that wisdom to your dream. Until then, decide what dream you’re ready to work on. If you do, you’ll be on your way to making it a reality, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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