Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Tag: best self (Page 10 of 17)

How to Blow Away the Blues: Let It Out and Let It Go

May 2, 2020 / / 2 Comments

I’m generally a positive person. Glass half full, look on the bright side, count your blessings, and all that. This morning, not so much. As I sat on our apartment’s balcony for my daily time of meditation, reading, and prayer, I felt… off. Flat. Discouraged. I started to do what I normally do – shake it off, focus on the positive, push past it.

But then I stopped. I realized that response was simply not being honest with God or myself. So I tried a different approach. I vented. Poured out my feelings to God. How I felt guilty having such a good and relatively easy life compared to so many who are suffering right now. That I’m discouraged by how slowly my writing career is progressing. How frustrated I am with my recent nagging knee pain that’s preventing me from exercising which in turn leaves me feeling sluggish and unmotivated. That I’m bored being inside and tired of only seeing people through a computer screen. How I’m sick of wiping down everything that comes in the door and have continual low-grade anxiety of catching this truly horrible virus.

After about ten minutes, a surprising thing happened. I felt better. Lighter. More calm. Like I’d purged myself of something nasty. It reminded me that as wonderful as a positive perspective normally is, sometimes I just need to acknowledge that I’m struggling. Get it out. Be real with myself and those I trust. Coming clean with all that junk to God and my wife Lisa not only helped me get past my malaise, it strengthened our relationships.

That said, here’s a really important second part:

ONCE I LET IT OUT, I HAD TO LET IT GO

Marinating in self pity is not an attractive trait. Nor is it helpful to anyone, least of all myself or the people who are stuck living with me (Hi, Lisa). I had to leave the wallowing to the pigs. Purge my stuff, take a deep breath, and move on. Focus on the good. Practice gratitude. Do something positive to get me headed in a helpful direction. My “do something positive” was writing this post in hopes that it might help somebody else.

How are you doing? Really. Look in the mirror. Ask that question honestly. Be real with yourself. Then find someone safe and be real with them. Vulnerability is hard. It feels like walking down the street naked. But it’s also really good for us and our relationships. And your willingness to “go there” may give someone else the courage to do the same.

So the next time those negative emotions start to bubble up, find a healthy place to let them out, then let them go. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Creating Sacred Space at Home

April 11, 2020 / / 0 Comments

“Sheltering in place” has become our new normal. Most of us are already feeling the strain of too much isolation from friends, family, and coworkers. But for many of us, we’re confined to close quarters with other people, which could lead to the opposite problem – not enough isolation. As much as we love our spouse, kids, significant other, roommate, etc., it’s only natural to need an occasional break from one another.

That’s when we need to create a “sacred space.” It’s simply a private place where you can be alone for a little while. Alone with your thoughts, an engaging novel, or your favorite hobby. It could be a balcony, a porch, a garage, an attic, a guest room, even a closet.

When we moved into our new apartment a few months ago, my wife (author Lisa McMann) had the genius idea of turning a large coat closet into a mini-library, complete with a comfy chair, lamps, and hanging art. The 4’x8’ space that would have been stuffed with coats, shoes, and boxes we hardly ever touch is now a sacred space, an oasis of calm and privacy whenever either of us needs to slip away for awhile.

While a dedicated physical space is ideal, you can also utilize multi-use areas. If the others who share your space are congregated in the living room, curl up on your bed with the door closed. Soak in the bathtub for an hour. Slip away to the garage. It helps to communicate, kindly and respectfully, your desire for some alone time with the others and enlist their cooperation. Ask how you can do the same for them.

While more challenging, you can also create sacred space mentally. Grab some headphones, close your eyes, and listen to some calming music or an audiobook. Have soothing nature sounds or other ambient environments running in the background while you work on your laptop using ambient-mixer.com. Youtube is chock full of long-playing relaxation videos with or without music. I regularly utilize environment videos of an empty beach at sunset, a mountain lake, a quiet forest stream, or a crackling fireplace. You can even take virtual hikes of national parks, tour world famous museums, or use mediation apps like Calm or The Pause (see my post on those apps here), all with others in the same room.

So how will you create some sacred space today? Look creatively at your physical spaces. Start a conversation with those who share your home about helping each other thrive in close quarters. Use your headphones and technology to create sacred space in your mind. If you do, you’ll find sheltering in place more enjoyable, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

5 Ideas for Navigating Troubled Times

March 21, 2020 / / 0 Comments

It was a heartbreaking conversation. A few days ago, my wife and I helped our son and his fiancé make the gut wrenching decision to postpone their long-planned wedding. Their immanent April celebration is now a distant October event.

It’s a challenging time. The reach of COVID-19 is affecting us all, but not in the same ways. Some of us have been devastated by the disease through personal illness, the loss of a loved one, or financial instability caused by industry shutdowns. For others, the impact to this point has been relatively mild, like adapting to the new realities of social distancing and sheltering in place at home.

Rather than write a “one size fits all” post, I decided to share a variety of suggestions to hopefully help you navigate this season regardless of where you’re at on the impact spectrum. You may be drawn to some suggestions while others might feel completely irrelevant to you. In the future, the appeal of these ideas may completely reverse as your situation changes. Here’s a list of thoughts and resources for you to browse as you choose:

1. FIND YOUR BALANCE

It’s okay to be scared right now. That’s normal and natural given the breadth and impact of this global pandemic. That said, huddling in the fetal position unable to function or stuffing an entire closet full of toilet paper is an unhelpful overreaction. Conversely, laughing this situation off as an overhyped hoax and not taking proper precautions for the good of yourself and others is also a dangerous extreme. Somewhere in the middle is a healthy place to land.

2. FIND YOUR PEACE

I use several apps to help me with this. The Calm app provides guided and unguided meditation experiences of varying lengths with soothing music, imagery, and nature sounds. For those with a spiritual bent, there’s the Pause app produced by author John Eldredge based of his book Get Your Life Back. It leads you through one, three, five, or ten minute reflections to quiet your anxious mind and realign your perspective. A friend also recommended Rob Bell’s latest podcast where he and his wife Kristen share tools they use to navigate these troubled times. Choosing your focus also really helps (you can read my post on that here).

3. FIND YOUR MOTIVATION

While not the right time for everyone, this may be an opportunity for you to get to some long-delayed or newly discovered home projects. Scanning old photos, decluttering (see my post on that here), deep cleaning, whatever. I plan on hanging picture shelves.

4. FIND YOUR FUN

In addition to binging that show you’ve been meaning to watch, break out the board games or coloring books. Curl up with a steaming mug and a novel. Check out Google Earth or the Google Arts & Culture web site and take a virtual stroll through the world’s greatest museums, cities, and sites of interest. My wife and I have a puzzle sitting out to noodle with during breaks in our writing sessions. For 94 different ideas, check out this great list of in-home activities from Apartment Therapy.

5. FIND YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

With many of us stuck at home, this is a great time to connect with friends and family on FaceTime or a good old fashioned phone call. I recently chatted with my parents then spent an hour and a half on speaker phone with my sister over lunch. Physical isolation doesn’t have to mean relational isolation.

So which of these ideas connect with you right now? Pick one and try it today. Keep the others in your back pocket as it looks like this “new normal” is going to be around for awhile. Find your BALANCE. Find your PEACE. Find your MOTIVATION. Find your FUN. Find your RELATIONSHIPS. If you do, you’ll make it through these challenging times, and you’ll take another step toward BecomingYourself.

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