Tag: best self (Page 11 of 17)

How to Declutter and Downsize Your Home (and Your Life)

March 7, 2020 / Matt McMann / 2 Comments

I was surprised. In my last post (you can read that here), I shared some creative methods I used to create a “salary” for myself while trying to become a published author. I mentioned that was part of the dream life that my wife Lisa and I have worked on making for ourselves over the last few years, along with transitioning from living in a big house in suburban Phoenix AZ with two cars and lots of stuff to an apartment in midtown Sacramento CA with no cars and not much stuff.

What surprised me was the amount of questions I received on how we managed the decluttering and downsizing. With that in mind, here’s how we did it:

1. WE GOT ITCHY

I’ve always been a sentimental pack rat who loved stuff – a huge collection of books, lots of art, upright arcade games, ping-pong table, tons of furniture, swimming pool, fire pit, basketball court, two cars, you get the idea. Most of it wasn’t high-end, but there was a lot of it. When we became empty nesters and began to travel more, I realized how much I didn’t miss or NEED all that stuff while we were away. I started to resent how much time, money, and energy it took to maintain it all. Lisa was on the same page. We were ready for a change.

2. WE GOT INSPIRED

We watched a Netflix documentary about the minimalist movement called Minimalism, whose adherents talk about the freedom and relief they found by embracing a “less is more” approach to material possessions. I looked at photos of tiny houses and imagined what it would be like to live in a smaller space. I read interviews with decluttering queen Marie Kondo highlighting how letting go of things we don’t need brings us joy. An older friend I respect told me, “At some point, we stop owning our stuff and our stuff starts owning us.” The motivation was building.

3. WE GOT ORGANIZED

I wandered our 4,100 square foot house with a legal pad, trying to see each room with fresh eyes. I opened every closet, looked in cupboards and under beds, and made a list of all the spaces that needed decluttering, from the overflowing garage to the junk drawer in the kitchen. It was shocking and overwhelming to realize we had SO much stuff that hadn’t been touched in years. I broke the bigger jobs, like the garage, into smaller, more manageable tasks like “clear the metal shelving unit.”

4. WE GOT STARTED

I chipped away at the list, starting with the smallest, least intimidating area (a coat closet) and sorting everything into piles – trash, donate, sell, keep. I used Marie Kondo’s most famous decluttering rule for the non-essentials – if it brings you joy, keep it; if it doesn’t, let it go. Looking at the clean and organized closet gave me not just a sense of accomplishment – I felt strangely lighter, more free. That motivated me to tackle the next area. For sentimental things that I struggled to part with (I’m looking at you graphic t-shirts and kids school projects), I took photos of them, allowing me to hang on to the memories while letting go of the physical objects. Over about a year, I worked my way through the house, slowly purging us of unneeded stuff.

5. WE GOT BOLD

After discovering the lightness and freedom of a decluttered house, Lisa and I wanted that feeling in every area of our lives. We brainstormed about the kind of life we really wanted (more on that story here). That included eliminating home maintenance and living in a walkable area near our son. After multiple trips to visit him in Sacramento CA, we chose an apartment with a high walkability score. We selected only our favorite and most essential items from our books, art, mementos, clothes, and papers and moved them to the apartment via one SUV load, eleven mailed boxes, and checked airplane luggage. We hired an estate sale company who sold everything else we owned including both vehicles in one day – the house was full in the morning and empty by sundown. With the proceeds from the sale, we bought basic furnishings for our new apartment and pocketed the profit.

That’s how we did it. It took time, intentionality, and effort, but the results have been amazing! We LOVE our lives working as writers from our cozy, easy-to-clean apartment, free from home maintenance and vehicle hassle in our new walkable city. All the work to get here has been so worth it.

So how about you? Are you feeling the ITCH to declutter your home? Your life? If so, just take that next step. Get INSPIRED. Get ORGANIZED. Get STARTED. Get BOLD. If you do, you’ll find new freedom and joy as you take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Creative Change: How to Carve Out the Life You Want

February 29, 2020 / Matt McMann / 4 Comments

When the last of our kids finished college a few years ago, my wife Lisa and I brainstormed about the kind of life we wanted in this new season. We desired to live in a walkable area near one of our kids, eliminate home maintenance, have flexibility to travel, and help me transition to a writing career. To that end, I phased out of my twenty-six year music career, we sold most of our possessions and both vehicles, and moved from a house in Phoenix AZ to an apartment in walkable midtown Sacramento CA. Making those significant changes took time, intentionality, and effort, but the benefits of our radically different lives have been so worth it.

I love the flexibility and creativity of writing, but it has two significant drawbacks – it’s tough to break into and hard to make money. I’ve written three novels so far and am working with my literary agent to edit and submit them to publishing houses. There’s not much I can do about the slow pace of the publishing world – it often feels glacial. But I’m not complaining. I’m the luckiest aspiring author in the world because my amazing wife, New York Times bestselling author of twenty-four books Lisa McMann, is not only my writing coach, she’s also paying the bills while I’m in this career transition.

To help make this life change possible, I’ve gotten creative on how to create a “salary” for myself during this initial period where my work is going out but no money is coming in. It’s not actual paychecks, but I’ve found ways to put time and effort into money saving activities that have had the same impact on our budget as if I had a part-time job:

I MOVED US TO A NEW APARTMENT

We loved our beautiful apartment in a great location, but the rent was high. I asked our maintenance person what other units were available in our building. To our surprise, one was perfect for our needs and significantly cheaper. I contacted management and jumped through all the hoops to change apartments mid-lease, then went through the hassle of moving. Now we’re settled in our new place and saving a significant amount in rent every month.

I CHANGED OUR HEALTH INSURANCE PLAN

I think health insurance companies count on the difficulty of change. They know that once they’ve got you, you’ll likely stay with what you have even as the rates go steadily up and the quality of care leaves a lot to be desired. I went through the complex and incredibly frustrating experience of switching companies. Even with the help of a broker, it was time consuming and sometimes maddening. But after a few months of headaches, we had the same coverage at a more user-friendly company that was way cheaper. Another solid reduction in our monthly expenses.

I DUMPED OUR TIME SHARE

Many years ago when I was young and naive, I got suckered into buying a time share. If what the company told us at the time had been the whole story, it would have made sense, but of course, it wasn’t. They neglected to mention that even after we paid it off, we would not have “free vacations for life.” You’re on the hook forever paying increasing annual maintenance fees and random assessments that you have no control over. We were shelling out over $1,100 a year for something we weren’t using anymore. After seeing the pathetic value of the resale market, I researched a way to just give our ownership back to the time share company in exchange for getting out of our lifetime contract. We’re now free of that painful annual bill.

I RENEGOTIATED OUR INTERNET SERVICE

Often when you sign up with an internet service provider, it’s for an appealing introductory rate. But when the honeymoon’s over, the cost goes up significantly. When ours made the big jump, I called our provider and asked what my options were. It was surprisingly simple to switch over to their latest promotional offer which was even cheaper than our introductory rate. This was another “one and done” lowering of our monthly expenses.

I know our situation is unique in some respects, but I share this story to give you an example of how Lisa and I have been able to carve out the life we really wanted by being willing to think outside the box, make significant changes, and work non-traditionally.

So how about you? What do you want your life to look like? What could you do now to help today’s dream become tomorrow’s reality? Brainstorm. Investigate. Research. Plan. Make a timeline. Start small. Ask for help and accountability. If you do, you’ll be on your way to the life you really want, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

More on this topic and some helpful resources:

RISK = The Price for the Life You Really Want

How to Manage Change: A Story 26 Years in the Making

The Crossroads of Should and Must: Find and Follow Your Passion by Elle Luna

Daily Rituals: How Artists Work by Mason Currey

How to Have Healthy Relationships (part 3): Yourself

February 22, 2020 / Matt McMann / 2 Comments

Let’s start with an exercise – open your phone camera and flip the image so you can see yourself. Got it? Now ask yourself these questions: How is my relationship with the person I’m looking at? How well do I get along with myself? How do I feel about me?

Dating friends recently asked me about the keys to a healthy, long-term relationship. Since then, I’ve been reflecting on what I’ve learned in twenty-seven years of marriage to my wife Lisa. Beyond that, what have I learned in forty-nine years of deep connections with family and friends? To help clarify my thinking, I’ve been doing a series of blog posts here at Becoming Yourself. The first key I talked about was intentionality (read that post here), and the second was about expectations (read that post here).

The phone exercise was an introduction to this week’s key:

To have healthy relationships with OTHERS, you need a healthy relationship with YOURSELF

We know this intuitively, right? Most of us have been in or observed enough relationships to know that without positive self-worth and a clear sense of identity from both people, relationships tend to go badly. Without these anchors, an unhealthy codependancy and “clingyness” sets in. When we aren’t comfortable in our own skin, we always want a friend or our partner around because we don’t like being alone or we expect a relationship to solve our problems. While someone else can help you, bring out the best in you, and make life more fulfilling, they can’t fix you. Only you, and I would add God, can do that.

Some of this is personality driven. I’m an introvert, and I love to be alone with my own thoughts. Extroverts naturally enjoy being around other people much of the time. But regardless of your personality type, I think there’s a core issue of relationship to self that we all need to face. If we’re not okay with the person in the mirror, we’re going to have a really hard time being in healthy, long-term relationships. Why? Because the best thing you can bring to a relationship is a healthy you.

So how do you have a healthy relationship with yourself? I could recommend positive self-talk, concentrating on what you’re good at and the nice things people say about you, helping others and doing good in the world, etc.. Those are all wonderful things that will help you feel better about yourself, but I don’t think they address the core issue. When it comes to a positive relationship with yourself, I believe the most important thing is this:

IDENTITY

Who do you really think you are? If in your heart you believe you’re bad, spoiled, broken, a mistake, unworthy, stupid, or unlovable, then no amount of pep talking in the mirror is going to change that. But if deep down, you believe you’re wonderful, worthwhile, beautiful, wanted, cherished, prized, and loved, that’s going to radically impact your sense of self.

So how do you have the later view instead of the former? My best advice is to anchor your identity in something bigger than yourself that won’t move or shift or fail. For me, that’s God. I believe I was created to be in relationship with Her/Him (God is beyond gender binaries). That God desires to know me. That I’m more than a cosmic accident of time + matter + energy + chance. I build my sense of identity on a foundation that says no matter what I do or what happens in this life, I’m God’s child and always will be. That makes me feel really good about who I am, which enables me to give myself fully to others.

I know that for some of you, the God thing is a non-starter. I get it. We’ve all had different experiences and have different views on God and spirituality. That said, I think we all have the same core questions and issues to face, and one of the biggest is “Who am I?” You don’t have to base your identity on God, but you do have to base it on something. Make sure whatever you choose is big enough, strong enough, and unshakable enough to survive the storms of life. Careers, money, abilities, goals, activities, and other people are all great, but they’re also impermanent. Who will you be when they’re gone? How you choose to answer the question of identity will have a major impact on your relationship with yourself and in turn, your ability to have healthy, long-term relationships with others (for more on finding your identity, see my post here).

So how are you getting along with that person in the mirror? What do you ultimately believe about yourself? What will you choose as the foundation of your identity? Answer those questions well, and you’ll hold another key to deep, lasting relationships. And you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published February 23, 2019.