Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Tag: best self (Page 12 of 17)

How to Connect With God: My Daily Practice

January 25, 2020 / / 0 Comments

In last week’s post How to Find Direction in Life’s Fog, I wrote that, during confusing times in my life, God was my best source of “fog burning sun.” In response, a regular reader asked if I would share some of my process for how I connect with God.

Honestly, I was hesitant. While I often write about how my spiritual perspective helps me become a better version of myself, I know that some of you come from different faiths or no faith at all. I respect that, and don’t want to come across as “preachy” or forceful of my worldview. My goal is simply to share things I’ve learned on my personal development journey that may help you walk your own path, whatever path that may be.

Then I remembered something – many of the best things I’ve learned from others did not come from their insights on a particular topic, but from their sharing the ways they practice personal development in their own lives. Even if they come from a very different perspective, I almost always glean a helpful idea or tool.

So with that in mind, I decided to share a brief overview of how I approach the “how to connect with God” question. If this isn’t for you, feel free to stop reading now and check out the another post on the site or wait for next week’s installment. Still interested? Read on.

How to Connect With God

To give some context for my practices, here are some of my fundamental beliefs:

  • A loving, powerful, intelligent, eternal Higher Power exists and is the creative force behind the universe (I use the term God, but this power goes by many names).
  • God wants to be known but will not force Herself/Himself on us (God is beyond gender binaries).
  • A life-giving, intimate, conversational relationship with God is possible.

Why I believe those particular things is not the purpose of this post. That said, here is my daily process of connecting with God:

MORNING

I start the day with a five-minute stretching routine while I steep a cup of hot Tetley brand English black tea in my Harry Potter tumbler. I sit in a comfortable chair in the library corner of our apartment and begin a practice with three loosely structured parts:

Listening

For 10-15 minutes, I center myself in silence. Sometimes I close my eyes, sometimes I leave them open, depending on what feels right or how sleepy I am. Some days I let my thoughts wander. Other times, I use various meditation techniques like centering prayer, or focusing on my breathing, a word (God, love, peace, etc.) or an image (a lonely beach, a mountain meadow, a fireplace, etc.). The particular technique isn’t important. The goal here is to quiet my mind and heart to a listening posture where I’m receptive to anything God might bring to my mind.

Talking

After listening, I begin talking with God. I start with thanking God for who She/He is to me and for things I’m grateful for. Then I think about people and situations I care about and ask God to provide them with the help they need. Finally, I consider my own needs and desires and express those to God, asking for strength and guidance to live well. This usually takes about 30 minutes.

how to connect with God
My chair in our corner library

Learning

After talking with God, I read some type of spiritual writing for 10-15 minutes. I’ve read and studied the Bible for many years, but lately have been drawn to other writings such as The Diary of an Old Soul by George MacDonald (spiritual poetry about pursuing God), Walking With God by John Eldredge (was incredibly helpful for me in establishing conversational intimacy with God), and the daily emails from Richard Rohr (a Franciscan priest, author, and teacher who founded the Center for Action and Contemplation in New Mexico). After reading, I listen to a spiritually focused podcast while I run the stairwell in our apartment building for about 20 minutes. Current favorites are Another Name for Everything by Richard Rohr and The RobCast by Rob Bell.

That is the cornerstone of my connection with God routine. It usually takes about 75-90 minutes. As a writer with a flexible schedule and a 50 year old empty nester, I can take that extended time in the mornings. I’ve done some version of a Listening / Talking / Learning routine regularly for 40 years, starting with 2 minutes for each section and building gradually. This included seasons where I was in school, working day jobs with set schedules, and raising young kids. It’s definitely harder during some stretches than others, but with tenacity and a little creativity, it can be done. I believe we make time for the things we truly consider important.

AFTERNOON

Throughout the day, I try to maintain an “unstructured awareness” of God’s presence through intermittent thoughts and spontaneous, silent conversation with God while I write, run errands, do chores, watch TV, whatever. A wonderful little book that taught me this concept is The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence.

EVENING

Before bed, I stand on our balcony and talk through the day with God. Did I use it well? Accomplish what I set out to do? Learn or experience anything new? Even on hard days, I try to thank God for good things like health, relationships, a home, food, God’s presence, and meaningful work. Combined with my morning routine, these practices bookend my connection with God, providing both a positive start and a peaceful close to each day.

So there’s my personal take on how to connect with God. Take anything that may be of value to you and toss the rest. If you have questions or would like clarification or expansion on anything, please leave a comment below or email me through the “Contact” tab above. If you’re willing to leave a comment sharing how you connect with God, I’d love to read it.

Whatever road you choose, I wish you all the best on your journey toward Becoming Yourself.

finding direction through fog

How to Find Direction in Life’s Fog

January 18, 2020 / / 0 Comments

Recently I woke up to this view from my apartment’s balcony:

Two hours later, it looked like this:

What caused the dramatic change? The sun. It rose above a cloud bank and burned away the fog.

It felt like a metaphor for my life. Sometimes I find myself in seasons of struggle, confusion, or disappointment where I feel surrounded by fog, unable to see the way ahead or understand what’s happening to me. No matter how hard I strain or squint, I can’t see my way through. I need an outside source, a “sun”, to burn the fog away, to help me find clarity and direction.

In those seasons, the outside source I’ve found most helpful is God. I know that’s a non-starter for some of you, or that you may have a different name for your higher power. I respect that. I’m just stating that in my experience, God has been a better “fog burning” source than anything else I’ve tried. Better than parents or friends or therapists. Better than teachers or gurus or my own gut instinct. Better than self-help books or podcasts or blog posts. Those are all wonderful things but when taken as ends in themselves, each has their limitations.

Yet when God is the lens through which I see the world, and I turn to those other sources in the context of seeking God first, they are often the very ways in which I receive the direction and guidance I need. Somehow, apart from that perspective, those things aren’t as helpful to me. If that sounds mysterious or counterintuitive, I guess I’d say… it is. But I’ve learned to be okay with embracing the mystery.

What I’m really trying to say is this – putting in the effort to seek a relationship with God and learn to hear Her direction, in whatever form, has been the best solution I’ve found to finding my way through the fog of life.

So how about you? How do you find direction? What cuts through the fog in your life? What outside source acts as your “sun”? What skill or relationship or practice can you invest in now to help you better connect with that source? Make the effort. When the next fog bank rolls in, you’ll be glad you did. And you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

What I Learned from (Almost) Passing Out in a Hair Salon

December 21, 2019 / / 0 Comments

It was mostly my own stupidity plus a little bad luck.

Last week, I had scheduled plenty of time to go home after my 11:45 am blood donation to eat a meal before my 3:00 pm haircut. Both locations are just down the street from my Sacramento apartment and easily walkable. I’d donate blood, stop home to eat and rest, then head to my haircut. No problem.

Things didn’t work out that way. When I arrived to donate, the nurse asked if I would be willing to do a double donation, simultaneously giving both platelets and plasma. She said it would take about 90 minutes. As that would still give me plenty of time before my haircut, I agreed. But the blood donation center was implementing a new software system which slowed down the check in process. Then once I had been in the chair for about 15 minutes, my left arm stopped cooperating causing an issue with the blood draw. The nurse said she’d need to switch to my right arm and start the process over again.

By the time I was actually finished donating, it was 2:30 pm. With the required 15 minute recovery period in the waiting area, I no longer had time to get a meal before my 3:00 pm haircut. I knew it wasn’t ideal, but I loaded up on the available free snacks to get me through until I got home.

As the haircut began, I started feeling a little unwell. No big deal, I thought, I’ll just gut it out. Then I began to sweat. A lot. Hair clippings were sticking to my face. I became lightheaded and nauseous. It was at that moment I realized I was in trouble. The affects of the double donation and lack of food had hit me hard, but my options seemed limited. How do you stop in the middle of a haircut? I let the stylist know what was happening and asked her to go as fast as she could.

The staff at the salon was awesome. While my stylist kicked it into overdrive, other people brought me some water and mini candy canes from the front counter. I chewed them, desperately trying to get some sugar into my system. Then my vision started to go. I could only make out blurry patches of light through the blackness as I struggled to stay upright in the chair. They offered to call 911 as my stylist finished, but I said I just needed to lie down. Two staff members helped me out of the chair and over to a nearby bench. Still unable to see clearly, I used voice command on my phone to call my wife Lisa to come and help me walk the half a block home.

My stylist stayed with me while a different staff person brought some chocolate covered pretzels from the break room. It was like handing someone dying of thirst a glass of ice water. I inhaled the whole bag. Slowly my vision came back, and with an incredible sense of relief, I felt a semblance of normalcy return. My wife arrived a few minutes later, paid the bill (including a generous tip), and after I’d offered my sincerest expressions of gratitude to all, she helped me home.

As I think back on that experience, I find myself feeling extremely grateful. Not for the sickness, or the sense of being trapped, or the embarrassment, but for the incredible generosity and kindness of a group of strangers. So often today, we hear how divided we all are, how people are selfish or mean-spirited. But that wasn’t what I saw that day. These people rallied around me, cared for me, and in no way made me feel ashamed for inconveniencing them or for making the very poor decision to not reschedule my appointment. That encounter strengthened my belief in basic human goodness.

I also realized how much I like to think of myself as independent and self-sufficient, able to handle most things on my own. That experience humbled me and reminded me that there are times in life when I really need to rely on people. That I can’t make it on my own. That on this crazy journey we call life, I need help from others just like they need help from me.

So as you go through your day, remember that sometimes you’re going to need help. It might be the physical variety, like getting sick in a hair salon. It might be emotional support, like needing a hug or someone to talk to. It could be mental assistance, like getting advice on a difficult decision. Or it could be spiritual aid, like trying to find a deeper sense of meaning or identity. Whatever type of help you need, reach out for it. Embrace it. Be grateful for it. Allow others to experience the gift of being needed. Return the favor. And be encouraged by the basic goodness of others. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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