Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Tag: best self (Page 2 of 17)

The Unexpected Challenge After Achieving a Dream

June 4, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Every eye in the room was on me.

I was sitting beside New York Times bestsellers. Authors who had been in the industry for decades. Writers with dozens of books to their names. And people were listening to me talk about being an author.

I’ve shared in recent posts about achieving my dream of becoming a published author. My debut books don’t hit the shelves until May of 2023, yet I’d still been invited to participate in author panels at this year’s big comic con event Phoenix Fan Fusion. For the first time, fans of books and aspiring authors were looking to me for entertainment, info on the publishing industry, and writing advice. It was a surreal and wonderful experience.

It was also unexpectedly challenging. As I sat on stage with my name in big bold letters on the table in front of me, alongside far more seasoned and successful authors, I was smacked with a huge case of impostor syndrome. The feeling that I was an impersonator. That I didn’t belong. That I would open my mouth and everyone would realize that inviting me had been a terrible mistake.

I had a choice to make—back down or stand up. Submit to my insecurities or step into the spotlight. I took a deep breath, remembered the hard road that brought me here, and settled in. I’m a long way from being where some of my fellow authors are, but I’m also a long way from where I was when I sat in the audience, dreaming of someday being on stage.

The weekend at the convention was a gift in so many ways. I met wonderful authors I now call friends. I gained so much experience participating in panels. And I was able to give advice and encouragement to aspiring authors like so many generous published authors have done for me over the years.

That experience ended with an unexpected high note. After the convention, I tweeted two of my literary heroes, Neil Gaiman (Coraline) and R. L. Stine (Goosebumps), thanking them for their wonderful writing courses on the streaming service MasterClass. I shared how their coaching helped me land a four book deal for my spooky middle grade monster mystery series Monsterious with Penguin Random House. To my shock and delight, they both personally replied with congratulations.

The journey of personal development is never complete. Success is not reaching a destination so much as advancing along your Dream Road. When you hit a milestone, celebrate it. Savor your well-earned moment in the sun. But don’t be surprised if another challenge awaits. Own your accomplishment. Step into your space. Believe in yourself. Have humility. Show gratitude. Acknowledge the help of others. Don’t deflect praise or shy away from your place. Enjoy it. Use your newfound position to help others along their own path. If you do, you’ll find a rich and satisfying life, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

The Lesson of the Shared Table

May 14, 2022 / / 0 Comments

“Hey, would you like to eat with us?”

I was sitting with a friend in an Ethiopian restaurant. The tall, rough-looking man who had spoken was standing at the next table and looking past us toward the entrance. A moment later, another man approached, shook the tall man’s hand, then introduced himself to the tall man and his friend. The newcomer thanked them for the invitation, then the three of them sat and began chatting. They placed their order and soon a single large platter was delivered to their table. In true Ethiopian style, they shared their food from a common serving plate.

Later in the meal, the man who had come alone left for the restroom. While he was gone, the tall man say to his companion, “Thanks for being okay with me inviting that guy to join us.” His friend replied, “Yeah man, I could do this all day.”

I was fascinated. Invite a stranger to sit with you in a restaurant? Share a common plate with them? The idea had never occurred to me. I found myself envying the courage of the man who made the offer and the one who accepted it.

In my last post, I wrote that living with a “let them come” attitude is difficult for me, as my somewhat timid nature makes diving into new experiences intimidating. What I saw in that restaurant was a beautiful example of the type of “seize the moment” living I’m trying to learn.

My wife and I unintentionally had a similar experience years ago in Italy. We wandered into a restaurant with a small seating area. The hostess promptly led us to a table with four chairs, two of which were already occupied. We hesitated, thinking there was a mistake, but the hostess just smiled and gestured toward the two empty seats. After an awkward moment, the seated couple quickly invited us to join them.

We exchanged greetings and learned they were also Americans on vacation. We swapped travel stories and were soon laughing together. What started off as an uncomfortable surprise turned into one of the most pleasant and memorable evenings of our trip.

As I think back on those experiences, I wonder why I still hesitate to be so bold. So free. To let those moments come. Living with this level of intentionally comes with risks to be sure, but it’s also a path to growth and unexpected joy. That’s the lesson of the shared table.

So how about you? Are you willing to step outside your comfort zone? To try something new? Keep your eyes open. Seize moments, big and small. Say yes. If you do, you’ll feel a revitalizing wind blow through your life, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Chasing a Dream of Your Head vs. a Dream of Your Heart

April 30, 2022 / / 0 Comments

I stared at my computer screen in despair. 

I was reading yet another rights report in a prominent book publishing industry newsletter. Every week, the latest book deals were listed, along with a photo of the author’s smiling face and details of their deal. I felt sick as I thought about my prospects. So many people want to be published. There are so many books. I’ll never break through. I’ll never see my face listed there.

The low point passed, and I refocused. I kept working at my writing craft and learning about the industry.

Months later, I caught a break. I got the chance to pitch my first book to a literary agent. He agreed to read it, then eventually signed me as a client. He sent it to an editor at one of the “big five” publishing houses in New York. She liked my book and asked if I would do some preliminary edits. I did, and she took it to her team. I was floored. I was thrilled. This was actually going to happen!

And then it didn’t. The team wasn’t enthused, so she passed on my book. My agent sent it to a host of other editors, then still more. Over the course of a year, they all said no. Then he sent my second book to another swath of editors, only to receive another long list of rejections. All the while, I kept writing, kept learning, kept growing. I wrote a third book that was never submitted, then a fourth book which my agent sent as an exclusive submission to another “big five” editor.

And then I got the call. The one I’d dreamed about since I was a kid. The editor made an offer. I had a book deal. I was going to be a published author. After another twelve months of negotiations, contracts, edit letters, and revisions, I recently opened the industry newsletter I’ve been reading for years and saw this:

It was a surreal moment. A dream-come-true moment.

Writing is a dream of my heart. I love it. The creative expression. Giving voice to the stories, feelings, and thoughts inside me. Sharing them with others. Giving them away in formats like this blog. That’s why, despite the overwhelming odds, I kept going through years of struggle. I had decided that even if my dream of a becoming a traditionally published author never came true, the journey would still be worth it.

What dream are you pursuing? What obstacles, struggles, and frustrations have you encountered along the way? Does working toward that dream make you come alive or continually drag you down? Are you seeing progress and improvement or stagnation and mediocrity? Is this a dream to set aside or one to doggedly pursue? Is it a dream of your head or your heart?

A dream of your head is something you could do, while a dream of your heart is something you must do. How can you tell the difference? Ask yourself this question—if at the end of your life your dream never came true, would you still be glad you’d tried? Would the joy of the journey and what it taught you be enough? If yes, that’s a dream of your heart.

If you feel you’d regret the blood, sweat and tears, that only achieving your goal would make the effort worth it, or if the journey is primarily a grind, you may be pursuing a dream of your head. It might be a worthwhile goal, something you’d like, but it’s not a dream of your heart. It’s not something you’d do for free for the rest of your life. It’s not what you were made for. It’s not what you were put on this earth to do.

Quiet your mind. Ask yourself the hard question—am I pursuing a dream of my head or my heart? Be brutally honest. If you believe you’re on the right path, keep going. Don’t let anything stop you. If you realize you’re chasing a dream of your head, pause. Is that dream worth your time, energy and effort? Is it worthy of your one and only life? Find the dream of your heart. Pursue it with everything you have. If you do, you’ll have a richer, more satisfying life, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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