Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Tag: best self (Page 7 of 17)

Tired of New Year’s Resolutions? Try a Focus Word

January 2, 2021 / / 2 Comments

On January 1st, 2020 I asked God if She had a word for me for the new year (the She is intentional – it reminds me that God is beyond gender).

I know that for some of my readers, the idea of asking God for anything, let alone expecting a response, is absurd. I understand and respect that position. But based on a lifetime of personal experience and some rational arguments that make sense to me, I believe in God. In addition, as strange as it sounds, I think a conversational intimacy with God is possible. Not in the same way as you and I would chat over coffee of course. No audible words or a voice booming from the sky. But a still, quiet sense of presence. A deep feeling, a relaxing of the gut. A word or phrase brought to my mind or heart that is somehow distinct from my own manufactured thoughts or the after effects of last night’s pizza.

But I digress. The point of this post is not to articulate the possibility or mechanics of a conversation with God. The point is, She answered:

Peace

That’s the word that came to my mind, strong and clear as a ringing bell. Whether it was from God or not, that word “peace” felt right as a focus word for the unknown year that stretched ahead of me. Little did I know at the time how much I would need it in 2020.

Immediately after that prayer, I sent myself the following email:

“I asked God if She had a word for me to focus on for the new year. I heard peace. I felt my whole body relax as I processed it. Peace vs striving. Peacefully focusing on one task at a time vs plowing quickly through a list. Pausing. Taking breaks. Helping, serving, blessing others, and accomplishing tasks out of the overflow of my life vs draining my tank, like a basin at the top of a fountain that fills to the brim then spills out onto everything around it.”

I kept that email in my inbox all year as a reminder. I was soon able to quote it verbatim, and I asked God to help me to live out of a sense of peace nearly everyday. Whenever the stress of coronavirus, social isolation, economic uncertainty, national divisions, deep disappointments, or complex decisions threatened to drown me, I clung to my focus word “peace” like a life preserver. It helped me regain perspective, find strength, and hold onto hope.

Now that 2020 is thankfully behind us, I’ll ask God if She has a new word for me for the new year. Perhaps I’ll hear nothing this time. Maybe I’ll hang on to “peace” a little while longer. I’m okay either way.

Do you have a focus word for the new year? Something you can cling to when the seas of life get rough? A word to give you courage and perspective, a signpost to direct you back to your chosen path? If you want to try praying for one, great. If you want to come up with your word on your own, fantastic. Make it simple. Make it clear. Put it where you’ll see it everyday. Work it into a daily mantra or meditation or prayer. If you do, your focus word will serve you well in the year ahead, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

How to Get Through a Hard Holiday Season

December 19, 2020 / / 0 Comments

Let’s admit it.

The holidays are not going to be normal this year. More accurately, they’re going to be worse. A lot worse. Coronavirus is robbing us of many of the things that make this season meaningful and joyful.

So how do we make the best of a bad situation? Let’s start with two things NOT to do:

1. IGNORE IT – Just put on a smile. Grin and bear it. Don’t worry be happy. Pretend everything’s great. No. It’s not great. Don’t lie to your heart. This whole situation is incredibly difficult. It’s hard and sad and lonely. Pretending it isn’t doesn’t make your pain go away; it just drives it underground where it does its damage in secret.

2. WALLOW IN IT – Everything is terrible. My life is awful. This is the worst tragedy ever. These hard times will never end. This approach is also not helpful. Things are bad, no doubt, but many people have gone through, and are going through, much worse. Choosing to marinate in negativity only serves to prolong your suffering and stunt your growth.

So ignoring and wallowing are out. What CAN we do? Here are three suggestions:

1. GRIEVE WELL – That grief you’re feeling? It’s real. In addition to whatever physical, mental, emotional, or financial knothole coronavirus has dragged you through, you may be one of the many to miss out on treasured family gatherings this year. You don’t get those back. Take fifteen minutes or an hour or a day or whatever you need to just let yourself be sad. Acknowledge your pain and disappointment. Feel your feelings. Grieve well. Then, let it go. Set your grief aside. Don’t get stuck in emotional quicksand. At some point, grieving ceases to be healthy and becomes counterproductive. Focus on the positive things in your life (you probably have a lot of them) and do something productive and enjoyable. Steer your way back toward the light.

2. HELP SOMEONE – You’re not alone in those awful feelings. A lot of other people are having them too. Deliver cookies to someone living alone. Give socks, blankets, and goodie bags to unsheltered neighbors. Donate money to your local food bank. Call your grandma. Doing something kind for someone else, even when you feel terrible, not only helps them. It will make you feel better too.

3. MAKE A PLAN – My wife and I were talking with some good friends about how hard it will be to not see our kids this Christmas. They shared how they’ve learned to make holidays alone more manageable by planning specific feel-good activities in advance. They stock up on their favorite comfort foods, map out a long walk, and create a watch list of favorite movies. My wife and I are going to borrow from their ideas this year, adding in opening presents with our kids on a group video chat. 

This holiday season is going to be tough. Avoid the extremes of denying that reality or wallowing in it. Grieve well. Help someone. Make a plan. If you do, you’ll get through this storm, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

A 5 Minute Action You Can Take Right Now to Improve the World

October 31, 2020 / / 4 Comments

As we rush headlong into the final stage of a long election cycle here in the United States, I’ve been lamenting how our heated political debates often obscure the underlying values and concepts that form the heart of the matter. I was reminded of a document I discovered and wrote about in July of 2019 that helped clarify my thinking on this issue. I share that post again today in hopes that you find it helpful in this season.

My dad nailed me with one question.

As we often do when we get together, my father and I were engaged in a lively discussion. He’s a retired high school teacher and college professor with a PhD in philosophy. I inherited my dad’s love for deep discussion and debate. I was arguing the merits of a particular approach to addressing a social justice issue and, as he’s done many times before, he caused me to rethink my position with a profound but simple question:

“What’s your goal?”

That memory came back to me today as I debated whether or not to write this post. I came across something in my morning reading that I feel is really important, but sharing it here would be different than the kinds of things I normal write about at Becoming Yourself. I decided to use my dad’s clarifying “What’s your goal?” question to help me decide.

What is my goal in writing this blog? Generically, it’s to help people reach their personal development goals. More specifically, my goal is to help others become a better emotional, mental, and spiritual version of themselves.

But why? Why is it good or important to become a better version of yourself? What are the benefits that makes the hard work of personal development worthwhile? I believe we work on ourselves for two reasons:

  1. So that we can have a better quality of life
  2. So that we can more effectively help others have a better quality of life

Today’s post squarely aligns with that second reason – helping others. What I’m about to challenge you to do may not directly improve your life, though I would argue that we are all in this together, and when we help others, we help ourselves in the long run. What I’m encouraging you to do right now is this:

Read and, if you agree with it, sign the Barmen Today Declaration.

What is the Barmen Today Declaration? The link above gives more detail, but in short, it’s a statement that provides a simple way for you to stand with people who are suffering and marginalized. A simple way for you to make your voice heard in a call for unity and healing. A simple way for you to say every human matters and has inherent dignity and value regardless of class, gender, orientation, race, or religion. A simple way for you to say you stand for love vs. hate, compassion vs. apathy, and hope vs. fear.

This is not a statement in favor of any particular political party or religion. This is a statement about the kind of world you want to live in and are willing to fight for.

I know that most of you will be tempted, like I was, to blow this off. You’re busy with a lot of demands on your time. I get it. My challenge to you is simply this: Click the link. Give 5 minutes to read the declaration and, like I did, sign it. If you do, then when you hear the latest reports of division and suffering in your news feeds today, you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that you gave just a little bit of your time to stand for a better world. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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