Developing a Better You

Tag: Brian McLaren (Page 2 of 2)

Want a Better Life (and a Better World)? Choose Your Framing Story Wisely

I was talking with a friend about last week’s horrific attack on the United States capitol. We shared how we both felt shocked and ashamed of the actions taken by fellow Americans, by fellow human beings. I don’t think we’re alone in asking, ‘How have we come to this? As a country? As a species?’

I believe part of the answer lies in what “framing story” we listen to, what we tell ourselves about the world, what we choose to believe. The framing story that President Trump is telling is that he is the arbiter of truth and that we should believe his version of reality – that the election was stolen from him – without evidence.

A significant number of my fellow Americans have chosen to adopt his framing story as their way of seeing the world. This can shape not only their beliefs but their actions. The power of a framing story is so great that it has lead some people, probably reasonable in other areas of their lives, to violently storm the U.S. capitol, causing death and destruction in what they believe is a righteous cause.

Lest you think I’m only throwing stones, I realize that my own house is made of glass. There have definitely been times in my life that I have let my own delusions and false perceptions and rationalizations distort my view of reality. It’s a pitfall I must continually fight to avoid.

All of us have a framing story for our lives and the world, one we apply consciously and subconsciously everyday. It shapes our thoughts, feelings, choices, and behaviors. And it has a huge impact not only on the direction and quality of our own lives but on all of humanity. As author and teacher Brian McLaren writes:

“If it [our framing story] tells us that the purpose of life is for individuals or nations to accumulate an abundance of possessions and to experience the maximum amount of pleasure during the maximum number of minutes of our short lives, then we will have little reason to manage our consumption. If our framing story tells us that we are in life-and-death competition with each other . . . then we will have little reason to seek reconciliation and collaboration and nonviolent resolutions to our conflicts. . . .

But if our framing story tells us that we are free and responsible creatures in a creation made by a good, wise, and loving God, and that our Creator wants us to pursue virtue, collaboration, peace, and mutual care for one another and all living creatures, and that our lives can have profound meaning if we align ourselves with God’s wisdom, character, and dreams for us . . . then our society will take a radically different direction, and our world will become a very different place.”

Brian D. McLaren, Everything Must Change: Jesus, Global Crises, and a Revolution of Hope (Thomas Nelson: 2007), 68, 67

Personally, I have chosen the latter story. That God exits. That God is good. That I can know and be known, love and be loved by God. Very imperfectly, I try to live out of that framing story everyday. It has served me well through many seasons for over forty years. That said, I completely understand and respect that my particular framing story is not the preferred choice for many.

So what is your framing story? What lens do you use to look at yourself and the world? Know that you have the power to choose. Choose wisely. Few things will have a greater influence on the quality and direction of your life. When in doubt between differing stories, examine them both closely. Consider them soberly. Weigh your experience. Pursue Truth. If that still leaves you uncertain, chose the more hopeful, the more generous, the more beautiful story. Live out of it as best you can. If you do, you’ll make the world a better place and take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

How to Find Happiness by Stretching Your Mind

The mind, once stretched by a new idea, can never return to its original dimensions.

Attributed to both Ralph Waldo Emerson and Oliver Wendell Holmes

“It was nice knowing you,” my chiropractor said, apologizing in advance for the sever pain he was about to inflict on me.

I was there seeking relief from chronic back pain following an injury. In his initial examination, my chiropractor told me that my hip flexor muscles were extremely tight and contributing to my back problem. He explained that he needed to loosen them before the adjustment and warned me that it wasn’t going to be pleasant. He was right. It hurt. A lot.

As I walked away with instructions on how to stretch my hip flexors, I was honestly surprised. I had been doing what I considered a pretty complete stretching routine every morning for years. It turned out I’d completely missed this area. It was a blind spot I never realized I had.

I worked that new stretch into my normal routine. At first it was really painful. Those muscles had been a particular length for a long time and were comfortable there, thank you very much. They let me know in no uncertain terms that they weren’t interested in becoming longer, looser, and more flexible. But with gentle, steady, consistent pressure, my hip flexors slowly began to yield. Now, six months later, that has become a relatively easy stretch for me and has been a part of a regimen that’s largely resolved my back pain.

As I did that stretch recently, I began thinking about how much my mind has been like my hip flexors. For many of my fifty years, it had a particular size, shape, and way of thinking about certain areas of life that it was comfortable with. It wasn’t really interested in stretching. But about ten years ago, I started to feel a nagging sense that this “unchallenged mind” approach I’d adopted wasn’t healthy. It was too restricting. Too narrow. I began to feel the need to stretch it, specifically in the political, spiritual, and social areas.

Let me be clear – I was not excited about this idea. I would have much preferred to stay in my comfort zone with the self-satisfied assurance that my way of thinking about all these issues was already correct. But as someone committed to personal growth and being the best version of myself, I knew I couldn’t ignore this any longer. I needed to stretch my mind.

So over the last ten years, I’ve opened myself to new ideas, perspectives, people, and experiences. I read different books. Watched different shows. Hung out with different people. Went to different places. I listened more than I talked. I processed, weighed, and considered new views. It’s been a long, sometimes painful process. But like my hip flexors, with gentle, steady, consistent pressure, my mind has gradually yielded. It’s become larger, deeper, and sharper. I’ve learned which of my political, spiritual, and social beliefs stood the test and rightly deserved to be held on to and which I needed to let go of in order to embrace new truths that I had discovered.

As a result of these efforts, my beliefs have changed significantly in all those areas over the last ten years. The specifics of which of my beliefs have altered is not the point of this particular post. I’ll write more on that in the days to come. My goal here is sharing this “mind stretching exercise” that I’ve adopted over the last decade that’s really improved my life. I find that I am happier, more at peace, less angry and judgmental, more compassionate and understanding, and quicker to recognize other blind spots that I still need to work on. The pain has been unbelievably worth the gain.

So how about you? I know this can sound like a daunting task, but a willingness to stretch your mind can lead to incredibly positive results. What areas of your mind could do with a good stretch? If you’re not sure, look for the topics or beliefs you get most defensive about or have never seriously questioned – those are usually places where you could benefit from considering another perspective. It may be religion, God, homosexuality, gender roles, gender identity, race, politics, immigration, economics, the poor, or something else. Be humble. Be open. Be respectful. Be sincere. Be brave. Look for smart people who think differently than you do and grant them an honest listen. Give your mind a gentle, steady, consistent stretch. If you do, you’ll take another giant step toward Becoming Yourself.

Resources that have been helpful to me in my “stretching”:

SPIRITUAL / SOCIAL AREAS:

1. Richard Rohr’s daily thoughts email (sign up at cac.org) – a look at spiritual and social issues from the broad and inclusive perspective of St. Francis of Assisi. Richard supplements his own thoughts with the writings of other spiritual leaders from various traditions including women and people of color. The most influential spiritual stretching I’ve had in the last few years.

  2. The Great Spiritual Migration by Brian McLaren – a powerful and thought provoking look at where Christianity has been, currently is, and where it is, or should be, heading.

3. Love Wins by Rob Bell – a though provoking look at love, God, the Bible, heaven, hell, and the ultimate fate of every human being.

4. The Liturgists Podcast, episode 20 – LGBTQ – a thoughtful, respectful conversation about homosexuality from a spiritual perspective by people with differing views.

POLITICAL / SOCIAL:

The Week magazine – weekly publication that briefly summarizes national and global news and politics from the left, right, and center. Available in print and digitally. Subscribe at theweek.com.

SPIRITUAL / SOCIAL / POLITICAL:

Words I Wish I Wrote by Robert Fulghum – a collection of quotes and sample writings on a wide variety of important life topics by writers and thinkers from various perspectives including women and people of color. One of my favorite books.

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