Developing a Better You

Tag: COVID-19

Those Helpless and Isolated Feelings You’re Having? Here’s an Antidote

I’ve been feeling helpless and isolated lately. Helpless to do anything to make a real difference in the face of this overwhelming coronavirus struggle. Isolated not only from family and friends, but from everyone. Even chatting with a stranger sounds novel and inviting. I’m guessing many of you can relate.

In this season, I’ve been asking God to help me know what is mine to do. My wife and I donated to a charity providing help to those impacted by the pandemic, and while that’s incredibly important, it felt somewhat detached and impersonal.

Our balcony

As I sat on the balcony of our apartment for my morning meditation and prayer a few days ago, I noticed a grey mini-van parked across the street. A  man lay asleep in the drivers seat, and every square inch of the vehicle was packed with possessions. It didn’t take Sherlock Holmes to deduce he was living in his van.

I felt a variety of emotions – sadness for this man’s situation, frustration at the devastating impact of the virus, guilt over being comfortably nestled in my cozy apartment. Should I do something? What could I do? I wrestled with those questions for awhile, then tried to ignore them. I came back inside but found myself frequently returning to the window. Eventually, he drove away.

Where the van was parked

When I stepped out on the balcony the next morning, I noticed he was back. Apparently, this was his new spot to park overnight and sleep. As I settled in to pray, once again asking God to show me what is mine to do, I felt like God looked at me with one eyebrow raised saying, “Really? Am I being unclear here?”

Abandoning my normal routine, I went inside and baked some bread (don’t be impressed – it was the “remove the plastic and heat in the oven” kind). I filled a bag with the bread, some protein bars, a bag of Nutter Butters, and an envelope with $20 on which I wrote “Hope this helps.” Donning my face mask, I crossed the street and set the bag on the van’s hood while the man slept.

COVID-19 rages mercilessly on, impacting millions around the globe. My meager efforts that morning did nothing for them. I only helped one person. But afterwards, I felt a little less helpless, and somehow, even though I never even spoke to the man, I felt a little less isolated too. Though we remained separated, I felt a sense of connection to him.

This experience reminded me of a story. A boy walking on the beach found thousands of starfish stranded by the retreating tide and slowly dying in the sun. He began picking them up one at a time and throwing them back in the ocean. A man came along and said, “What’s the point? There are thousands of them. What can you possibly do? No one cares.” The boy simply picked up one more starfish and tossed it in the water, saying, “This one cares.”

You can’t solve the global pandemic. You can’t restore the economy, give everyone their jobs back, or feed the world. No one can do everything, but everyone can do something. Find what is yours to do. Not only will it make a difference in someone’s life, you just may feel little less helpless and isolated too. And you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

How to Blow Away the Blues: Let It Out and Let It Go

I’m generally a positive person. Glass half full, look on the bright side, count your blessings, and all that. This morning, not so much. As I sat on our apartment’s balcony for my daily time of meditation, reading, and prayer, I felt… off. Flat. Discouraged. I started to do what I normally do – shake it off, focus on the positive, push past it.

But then I stopped. I realized that response was simply not being honest with God or myself. So I tried a different approach. I vented. Poured out my feelings to God. How I felt guilty having such a good and relatively easy life compared to so many who are suffering right now. That I’m discouraged by how slowly my writing career is progressing. How frustrated I am with my recent nagging knee pain that’s preventing me from exercising which in turn leaves me feeling sluggish and unmotivated. That I’m bored being inside and tired of only seeing people through a computer screen. How I’m sick of wiping down everything that comes in the door and have continual low-grade anxiety of catching this truly horrible virus.

After about ten minutes, a surprising thing happened. I felt better. Lighter. More calm. Like I’d purged myself of something nasty. It reminded me that as wonderful as a positive perspective normally is, sometimes I just need to acknowledge that I’m struggling. Get it out. Be real with myself and those I trust. Coming clean with all that junk to God and my wife Lisa not only helped me get past my malaise, it strengthened our relationships.

That said, here’s a really important second part:

ONCE I LET IT OUT, I HAD TO LET IT GO

Marinating in self pity is not an attractive trait. Nor is it helpful to anyone, least of all myself or the people who are stuck living with me (Hi, Lisa). I had to leave the wallowing to the pigs. Purge my stuff, take a deep breath, and move on. Focus on the good. Practice gratitude. Do something positive to get me headed in a helpful direction. My “do something positive” was writing this post in hopes that it might help somebody else.

How are you doing? Really. Look in the mirror. Ask that question honestly. Be real with yourself. Then find someone safe and be real with them. Vulnerability is hard. It feels like walking down the street naked. But it’s also really good for us and our relationships. And your willingness to “go there” may give someone else the courage to do the same.

So the next time those negative emotions start to bubble up, find a healthy place to let them out, then let them go. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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