Developing a Better You

Tag: embrace

How to Be Happy (Part 2): Embrace It All

In the spirit of the holidays, this is part 2 of a story I originally posted in November of 2017 that reminds us that our inner child still has lessons to teach…

So I solved the mystery of the ghost light. You can read part 1 of my true life ghost story here. On day six of the adventure, I rose before dawn to find the light once again glimmering on the hillside. My back was on the mend and I was up early enough to give ghost hunting another go. My wife, Lisa, took her post on our deck while I grabbed my flashlight and headed out to unravel the mystery once and for all.

I made my way to the summit and quickly scrambled down a now almost familiar route. As I stood among the brambles, I clicked off my flashlight and looked around. Nothing. I called Lisa. She could still see the elusive light so I worked my way across the slope following her directions. Finally she said excitedly, “You’re right on top of it!” I looked around, bewildered. Our ghost was still winning its game of hide and seek.

Then I saw it. Fifteen feet farther down the slope, I could just make out a glow coming from beneath a bush. The upward angle of Lisa’s vantage point gave her the illusion that I had reached our ghost when I was really above it. I made my way toward the mysterious light as quickly as I dared, my wounded ankle reminding me of the price of haste.

Finally, I was staring down at the ghost light. And I was still utterly confused. A strip of greenish light about six feet long and four inches wide was glowing on the ground before me. It looked as if someone had tagged the mountain with glowing spray paint. I scoured the nearby ground trying to find its source but came up empty. I wondered if perhaps it actually was glowing paint so I bent down to touch it. When I saw the shadow of my hand, I knew it wasn’t paint. I stepped to the lower end of the luminous stripe and it disappeared, lost in my shadow. It was coming from somewhere behind me. Completely mystified, I turned around and looked down the slope, both on the mountain and in the backyards of my neighbors, in an attempt to find the origin of this weird light. Nothing.

My first view without zoom

Wracking my brain for other possibilities, I paused for a moment to take in the view of the lights from other neighborhoods far in the distance. And then I froze. Rubbed my eyes and looked again. It couldn’t be. About a half mile away, in a completely different neighborhood, someone had erected a giant green spotlight in their yard. And not just any spotlight. A nuclear powered spotlight. Even at that distance, I literally couldn’t stare directly at it because it was so blinding. I held my hand up toward it and my skin was bathed in a greenish glow. I had found our ghost.

With partial zoom

But what about the way we saw the light dim and brighten, swirl and dance? Had we imagined it? Then it hit me. Trees. Either in their yard or somewhere in between, tree branches waving in the breeze had moved across this giant laser beam and given the illusion of a ghostly light dancing on our mountain.

I stood there in stunned silence, a thousand thoughts going through my head. Why in the world would a person put a giant green mega-watt spotlight in their yard? To be honest, I felt let down that the explanation wasn’t a little more exotic. After all that wondering and speculating and stumbling through rugged terrain in the dark, it was a spotlight. A strange but very terrestrial spotlight. But I also felt a great sense of accomplishment. I had done it! I had solved the mystery of The Ghost Light of Whisper Mountain.

With full zoom

So what does this story have to do with learning how to be happy? I think one of many keys to being happy is this – choose to embrace it all. Every step you take. Every stage you go through. Every season you’re in. Try to find the joy in wherever you find yourself on your journey. In this case, I loved that week of mystery, wondering what the light could be, talking with Lisa about it, racing up the mountain in the dark with friends. The wonder-and-investigate stage was fun. And though its conclusion was less than supernatural, I loved solving the puzzle. I enjoyed the feeling of pride that came from putting in the work and unmasking the ghost. Rather than focusing on the disappointment of discovering my distant neighbor’s odd choice of landscape lighting, I’m reveling in a case well solved and looking forward to the next mystery that life brings my way.

I think this idea needs a little more unpacking but I’ll save that for my next post. For now, in your search for happiness, choose to embrace it all. Try to find the good, the beauty, the joy hidden in every situation. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

How to Be Happy (Part 3): Applying “Choose to Embrace It All”

In my last post, I told the conclusion of my recent real life ghost story. Along with it, I shared something that adventure taught me about finding happiness – choose to embrace it all. In this post, I’ll unpack that idea further.

Throughout my ghost hunting experience, choosing to embrace it all meant focusing on the good and joyful aspects of each step. That doesn’t mean I denied the exertion and the injuries of the search or my disappointment at the commonplace explanation of the light’s source. It means I chose to focus on the child-like wonder during the search phase and the feeling of accomplishment in the unmasking phase.

It makes me think of the parenting approach my wife, Lisa, and I tried to take with our kids. Every season of child raising had its challenges but they each had their joys too. We did our imperfect best to embrace it all, in every season, finding the good and the wonder at each stage. Diapers and sleepless nights were hard but holding a sleeping infant was amazing. The teen years brought worries and challenges galore but it was awesome to have real conversations with our kids and watch them grow into thoughtful young adults.

My feet in Santorini, Greece

When they left the house for good (they are 24 and 21 now), we let ourselves be sad for about week and then took a trip to Greece with friends to celebrate becoming empty nesters. In those parenting years, choosing to embrace it all led to happiness not by denying the reality of the difficulties but by finding and focusing on the good and joyful aspects of each step.

Think of the seasons. Each has things you could complain about. The muddy sludge and allergies of spring. The heat and humidity of summer. The impending doom that hangs over autumn. The cold and darkness of winter. But each has amazing things as well. The new life and promise of spring. The sunshine and recreation of summer. The crispness and beauty of autumn. The stillness and snow covered wonder of winter. Which will you choose to focus on?

Some clarification on this point. Obviously, not everything in your life is equally enjoyable or offers the same degree of potential happiness. Right now some of you are going through terrible trials and struggles. In no way do I mean to minimize your pain. What I’m saying is that even the hardest things we face provide an opportunity for something good. During college I learned some horrible news that I knew would affect me deeply for many years. While I was devastated and grieving, I found a spark of hope underneath it all, a quiet excitement that came from knowing that going through this journey could make me a better, stronger person if I let it. That experience was one of the lowest and most difficult seasons of my life but I am so grateful for the things I learned and who I became through it. I did my best to embrace it all.

What does applying this idea look like in your life? Here’s a couple examples:

1. If you struggle to find happiness at work, an obvious though often challenging first step is to consider moving toward a more fulfilling career. In the meantime, try to celebrate that you get to be productive, help provide for yourself and your family, be a positive influence on your co-workers, and hopefully do something meaningful.

2. If you’re having a hard time finding happiness in your relationships, first make sure they are healthy and have proper boundaries. Then choose to embrace the time you have with family and friends, roommates and co-workers. Look for and focus on the good in every person you know. Try to savor the relationships in your life, even when it’s difficult, knowing that they will likely change or end more quickly than you think.

We all want to be happy. Life is filled with obstacles to fulfilling that desire and we need to find a variety of ways to overcome them. Choosing to embrace it all is just one approach that’s been helpful for me. Look for the good, the beautiful, and the joyful in every season. Choose to embrace it all. If you do, you’ll take another happy step toward Becoming Yourself.
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Spiritual Sidebar (for those of you with a spiritual bent): My belief in and relationship with God definitely helps me “choose to embrace it all.” Here’s a verse from the Bible that relates to this idea:

I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.
          Philippians 4:12-13 (New Living Translation)

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