Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Tag: empathy

A Humbling Reminder to Be Kind

June 29, 2024 / / 0 Comments

The man was surly.

We’d eaten at the restaurant several times. The food was good and the location convenient, but the server was memorable for his sour mood. He’d waited on us before, and each time he radiated the same “I don’t want to be here” vibe. 

This time, my wife discovered a toothpick in her taquito. Fortunately, it didn’t hurt her, and it had obviously been used during preparation before somehow getting rolled up inside. She decided not to say anything. 

We finished our meal and went to the register to pay. As our server rang us up, his gruff demeanor fell away. “I saw the toothpick on your plate. I’m so sorry that happened. I don’t know how it got there, but it was clean, just used in prep.” 

My wife assured him accidents happen and that it was okay. He replied, “Thank you for being a nice person. Most people aren’t. When something goes wrong, they get mad and write bad reviews and hurt our business even more.”

I asked him if he was the owner, and he nodded glumly. I told him I couldn’t imagine how tough it was to run a restaurant. His reply was startlingly honest: “I want to jump off a building. We never recovered from Covid. The rent is too high. We’re just barely getting by.”

We expressed our sympathy, gave him a nice tip, and said our goodbyes. As we drove away, my wife and I discussed how our perspective of the man had changed now that we knew what he was going through. I was reminded of a quote:

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

plato

When you come across a difficult person, try to withhold judgement. Remember that you don’t know what struggles they’re facing. The young, checked-out cashier might have just gotten rejected for the scholarship that was her only hope for college. The guy who cut you off in traffic may be a single dad racing home from his third job, trying to see his kids before they fall asleep. The older woman distractedly blocking the grocery aisle with her cart may have just buried her husband of fifty-three years. Give the grace you’d hope to receive when you’re not at your best. If you do, you’ll help create a kinder world, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself. 

3 Life Lessons from “Love on the Spectrum”

September 10, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Sometimes it really is love at first sight.

That was the case for me with the Netflix show Love on the Spectrum. In this heartwarming and insightful documentary series, people on the autism spectrum share their journeys to find love. Here are three life lessons from this utterly engaging show:

1. PERSONAL STORIES CAN BUILD EMPATHY AND UNDERSTANDING

While I learned much about autism in general, it was through the lens of personal, intimate stories of a wide variety of people. I rooted for kind-hearted Mark, cheered for earnest Michael, and hoped for sweet Chloe. They put names, faces, personalities, and very real emotions to a neurological divergence that I’d previously only known in generalities. My understanding and empathy for people on the spectrum grew significantly. I was reminded that sharing my own story has power to inform others, and that learning real-life stories of people from a different race, religion, political party, or economic class can help me build understanding and empathy with them as well.

2. VULNERABLE HONESTY IS SO REFRESHING

One of the consistent characteristics of people on the show was their complete lack of pretense. In both interviews and with their dates, these wonderful people shared openly about their desires, fears, needs, hurts, struggles, and hopes. Their level of honesty and vulnerability was utterly refreshing, and made me wonder if our propensity to hide our feelings is really protecting us as much as we believe. Their candor challenged to be more open about my real feelings with those around me, in a respectful and appropriate way.

3. WE’RE ALL THE SAME

As I watched the people on the show, what first stood out were their differences to those of us not on the spectrum—behavior, personality, interests, appearance, manners of speech. As time went on, those differences faded to the background, eclipsed by the important things we all have in common—a desire for happiness, fulfillment, companionship, to know and be known, to love and be loved. While often difficult to see, the things that unite us really do outweigh the things that divide us. I’m trying to remember that truth when I encounter people who see the world differently than I do.

This week, look for opportunities to build understanding and empathy by trading personal stories with people unlike you. In a respectful and appropriate way, be more honest about your true feelings. When interacting with someone who is different in some way, remember to look beneath the surface at what truly unites you. If you do, you’ll help build a better, more empathetic world, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Never Miss a Post – Subscribe Here!

© 2024 Becoming Yourself

Theme by Anders Noren — Up ↑