Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Tag: finding balance

Serve or Play? A Tension to Be Managed

December 21, 2024 / / 0 Comments

I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.

E. B. White, author of Charlotte’s Web

I’m an incredibly privileged person. 

I’m married to my best friend. I have two awesome adult kids and small group of close friends. I’m fairly healthy, especially for age fifty-five. I have my dream job of being an author and the freedom to travel the world while I work.

Those are wonderful gifts that I’m incredibly grateful for. That said, I’ve found the flip side of all that goodness is guilt. Why do I have this great life when so many are struggling? Should I give away all my money and work in a homeless shelter? What is my part in alleviating suffering in the world? 

It’s true that I’ve worked hard to get where I am. I’ve made sacrifices. Gave my best to establish a good marriage and raise my kids well. Struggled to develop my skills in multiple creative careers. Studied finance and investing. Practiced delayed gratification.

But I’ve also been wildly fortunate. I’ve been given talents and opportunities that I did nothing to earn. I’ve had my fair share of difficulties and pain, but I’ve also dodged countless misfortunes that have plagued others who didn’t deserve them.

So how should I balance my enjoyment of life with helping others?

The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.

Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking: A Seeker’s ABC

It’s sometimes tempting to throw myself into some noble cause just so I don’t feel guilty anymore. But I’ve tried that, and it didn’t work out well. I’ve given lots of money, worked with AIDs orphans in Zambia, served in multiple food pantries, donated many pints of blood, given food and clothing to people I’ve met on the street. Those are great and worthwhile things, and I’m glad I’ve done them. But none of them felt like me. 

My first career of twenty-six years was spent in various churches, helping people as best I could by leading music and teaching. For that season, it felt right, like I was where I was supposed to be. Since I transitioned to writing about seven years ago, I’ve had the same feeling of rightness, that I’m where I belong.

But I still struggle. Am I doing enough? While I do a few other small charitable endeavors, writing is my main focus. The Buechner quote above reminds me that doing what I love IS serving. That sharing my hard-won lessons in this blog does make the path a little easier for some. That helping kids discover a love of reading through my books really matters. That sharing the freedom my wife and I have found through letting go of possessions and living nomadically is a helpful perspective. 

…there are always problems to be solved and tensions to be managed. When you try to solve a tension, you create a problem.

Andy Stanley, author and speaker

I much prefer solving problems, but that Stanley quote reminds me that life is full of unavoidable tensions, especially if you’re a caring person with a personal development bent. The balance between serving others and enjoying life is one of those never-ending tensions.

So where do I land on this issue? We all have blessings. We all have obligations. We should all help others. We should all have fun. What’s the proper balance between serving and enjoying life? I have no idea. It seems to shift from season to season. In the end, I believe it’s something each of us needs to decide for ourselves.

Think of what you enjoy doing, what you love. Reflect on your passions, hobbies, areas of interest. Dive into those things. Savor the enjoyment they bring you. Look for ways those gifts and experiences can help others. If you do, you’ll manage the tension between serving and enjoying life, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

The Importance of Balance—Be Against the Bad, But For the Good

July 13, 2024 / / 2 Comments

It was a moment of serendipity. 

After writing last week’s post on the dual nature of freedom (freedom from + freedom for), I read the Daily Meditation from the Center for Action and Contemplation. It shared an expert from author Sarah Bessey on the importance of being “against” what is bad, but also “for” what is good. I’m sharing it here as a follow up and expansion on last week’s theme. I hope it helps you take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Imagining and contending for what you hope for in this world is one of the hardest and kindest paths I’ve discovered out here. In the midst of all this, don’t forget to imagine something better. Don’t forget to dream of what could be possible. And don’t forget to live into those hopes with faithfulness. Move in that direction, especially when all you know is “not this.”  

If it helps, sometimes I’ve thought of this as the rhythm of turning away and then turning toward, almost like a beautiful dance…. We turn away from those things we’re against and toward the hopeful future we imagine. In a purposeful movement, we turn away from the practices or beliefs or habits that consume us, threaten us, reduce us, and distract us. And then we turn toward what brings flourishing, goodness, and truth to us. Turn away, yes, and turn toward…. What we turn toward should reorient us to the world in a posture of love, joy, and service.  

It can be a simple rhythm to begin with. Turning away from spaces in social media that have become toxic for you and turning toward inviting a lonely neighbor over for tea. Turning away from voices that bring shame and guilt to you or others and turning toward voices that preach freedom and wholeness and love. Or turning away from shrinking back and shutting up to keep the peace; turning toward owning your voice, your body, your experiences with boldness. Turning away from gossip and petty nitpicking; turning toward language of blessing….  

Begin with Against, and keep going until you find your For. It’s an act of defiant faith. It will give you something to lean into. It will give you a path to follow.  

Sarah Bessey, Field Notes for the Wilderness: Practices for an Evolving Faith (New York: Convergent Books, 2024), 171, 173–174. As shared in the July 6, 2024 Daily Meditation from the Center for Action and Contemplation (cac.org)

5 Ideas for Navigating Troubled Times

March 21, 2020 / / 0 Comments

It was a heartbreaking conversation. A few days ago, my wife and I helped our son and his fiancé make the gut wrenching decision to postpone their long-planned wedding. Their immanent April celebration is now a distant October event.

It’s a challenging time. The reach of COVID-19 is affecting us all, but not in the same ways. Some of us have been devastated by the disease through personal illness, the loss of a loved one, or financial instability caused by industry shutdowns. For others, the impact to this point has been relatively mild, like adapting to the new realities of social distancing and sheltering in place at home.

Rather than write a “one size fits all” post, I decided to share a variety of suggestions to hopefully help you navigate this season regardless of where you’re at on the impact spectrum. You may be drawn to some suggestions while others might feel completely irrelevant to you. In the future, the appeal of these ideas may completely reverse as your situation changes. Here’s a list of thoughts and resources for you to browse as you choose:

1. FIND YOUR BALANCE

It’s okay to be scared right now. That’s normal and natural given the breadth and impact of this global pandemic. That said, huddling in the fetal position unable to function or stuffing an entire closet full of toilet paper is an unhelpful overreaction. Conversely, laughing this situation off as an overhyped hoax and not taking proper precautions for the good of yourself and others is also a dangerous extreme. Somewhere in the middle is a healthy place to land.

2. FIND YOUR PEACE

I use several apps to help me with this. The Calm app provides guided and unguided meditation experiences of varying lengths with soothing music, imagery, and nature sounds. For those with a spiritual bent, there’s the Pause app produced by author John Eldredge based of his book Get Your Life Back. It leads you through one, three, five, or ten minute reflections to quiet your anxious mind and realign your perspective. A friend also recommended Rob Bell’s latest podcast where he and his wife Kristen share tools they use to navigate these troubled times. Choosing your focus also really helps (you can read my post on that here).

3. FIND YOUR MOTIVATION

While not the right time for everyone, this may be an opportunity for you to get to some long-delayed or newly discovered home projects. Scanning old photos, decluttering (see my post on that here), deep cleaning, whatever. I plan on hanging picture shelves.

4. FIND YOUR FUN

In addition to binging that show you’ve been meaning to watch, break out the board games or coloring books. Curl up with a steaming mug and a novel. Check out Google Earth or the Google Arts & Culture web site and take a virtual stroll through the world’s greatest museums, cities, and sites of interest. My wife and I have a puzzle sitting out to noodle with during breaks in our writing sessions. For 94 different ideas, check out this great list of in-home activities from Apartment Therapy.

5. FIND YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

With many of us stuck at home, this is a great time to connect with friends and family on FaceTime or a good old fashioned phone call. I recently chatted with my parents then spent an hour and a half on speaker phone with my sister over lunch. Physical isolation doesn’t have to mean relational isolation.

So which of these ideas connect with you right now? Pick one and try it today. Keep the others in your back pocket as it looks like this “new normal” is going to be around for awhile. Find your BALANCE. Find your PEACE. Find your MOTIVATION. Find your FUN. Find your RELATIONSHIPS. If you do, you’ll make it through these challenging times, and you’ll take another step toward BecomingYourself.

Never Miss a Post – Subscribe Here!

© 2024 Becoming Yourself

Theme by Anders Noren — Up ↑