Developing a Better You

Tag: finding freedom

Find Real Freedom with “Freedom FROM” + “Freedom FOR”

There are two sides to freedom.

In the US, we recently celebrated the 4th of July, marking the anniversary of freedom from British rule. The early colonists desired freedom FROM a monarchy which called the shots from afar, so they could have freedom FOR a democracy that allowed them to chart their own path. They realized that if they wanted the latter, they needed to break from the former. Their “for” gave clarity and motivation to their “from.”

I recently wrote about my wife and I pursuing our dream of a nomadic life (you can read that post here). I was shocked by the high level of interest. Many of the comments spoke wistfully of the sense of freedom our nomadic goal represented. I want to share about our new season in a hopefully helpful way, which led me to the idea of the dualistic “from” and “for” nature of freedom.

Lisa and I are pursing the nomadic lifestyle because we desire FREEDOM FROM:

1. set schedules

2. mortgages

3. debt

4. maintenance

5. possessions

to allow FREEDOM FOR:

1. travel

2. research & writing

3. seeing scattered family & friends

4. simplicity

5. flexibility & spontaneity

As we’ve learned from hard experience, getting freedom FROM those things takes intentionality, effort, and perseverance. We needed the clarity of our freedom FOR list to give us the necessary motivation to keep hacking our way toward our dream. 

Here’s an example—a few days ago, we woke at 3:30 am to discover our air conditioner had gone out, despite having it serviced a few months ago. With current highs in Phoenix reaching 114 degrees F and lows in the mid 80s, this was a problem. Not to mention that we are literally days away from closing on the property to begin nomadic living. The irony was not lost on us.

When we learned our AC tech was out of town for the holiday weekend, we took it as a sign and decided to move out early. Starting at 8:00 am, we did all the last-minute washing, packing, and cleaning in the growing heat, then loaded our little red 2007 Pontiac G6 with everything we were taking into our nomadic life, minus the boxes of financial docs, photos, favorite books, and memorabilia we’ve stowed in our daughter’s guest room closet and the two suitcases temporarily stashed at a friend’s house until the roomier SUV we purchased arrives.

Tired and sweaty, we drove to a hotel that afternoon, leaving behind all our furnishings which were thankfully purchased by our condo buyer, eliminating the hassle of selling and donating our remaining possessions. The broken AC, lingering condo closing, and our currently-for-sale rental house keep us from feeling the transition fully, but even with those loose ends, we’re officially living nomadically. When the dust settles, everything we own in the world will be in our daughter’s closet and our compact SUV. It’s an exhausting but thrilling time. Our freedom FROM list is almost completed, and our freedom FOR journey awaits.

When you think about your life, what do want freedom FROM? A bad relationship? An unfulfilling job? Crushing debt? What do you want freedom FOR? Volunteering? Hobbies? Deeper friendships? Reflect on these questions seriously. Discuss them with your inner circle. Get specific with your answers. Write them down. Then let your FOR list motivate you to tackle your FROM list. If you do, you’ll find the freedom you crave, and you’ll take a giant leap toward Becoming Yourself.

A Life-Changing Truth: “I Am the Problem and the Solution”

About fifteen years ago, I was a parent chaperone for an elementary school field trip to a nature center in Phoenix Arizona. The park ranger said the desert climate we lived in was not naturally equipped to support the current population, and that our presence was having a negative effect on the environment. Then he had us all repeat something that I remember to this day:

“I am part of the problem. I am part of the solution.”

His point was crystal clear. My presence here—my driving a car, my using water, my taking up space—was contributing to the strain on the desert. I needed to acknowledge that I was part of the problem while embracing the fact that I was not a helpless bystander. My choices and actions could be part of the solution.

I’ve come to realize that lesson not only applies to living in the desert but to all of life. Racism—I am part of the problem, and I am part of the solution. Economic disparity—I am part of the problem, and I am part of the solution. Climate change, social disunity, gender bias, name your societal issue—I am a part of both the problem and the solution. Saying that my words and silence, my action and inaction, my attitudes and behaviors have no impact on those issues would show a disregard for how interconnected we all are. Just as my presence in the desert impacts the climate, my presence in society impacts our common struggles, for good or for ill.

This idea also applies to my personal world. My fears. My insecurities. My anxieties. My failings. My shortcomings. Many factors play into the issues I face, but my choices substantially contribute to them. I am part of the problem, and I am part of the solution. While I can’t control much of what happens to me, I can control how I respond to it. I can choose not to play the victim, the martyr or the saint.

That said, a mature perspective also acknowledges that I’m only a part of the problems and solutions that both I and society face. I alone didn’t get myself or society into our respective messes. I had help.

On the personal side, trauma, home environment, bad luck, my inborn matrix of personality, intelligence and gifting all played a role in my current problems. I can’t get out of them alone. I need help—people to speak into my life with compassionate, objective wisdom, giving me the support, tools and encouragement I require to heal and grow. And people need me to do the same for them.

When I look at our joint struggles, I find I’m in good company. Many others have contributed to our collective problems, and we can only effectively address them together. I need people I can stand beside to tackle society’s ills, adding my small voice to a growing chorus that becomes a deafening roar, leading to real progress and systematic change.

The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.

Frederick Buechner

So how about you? How will you respond? Admit that you are part of the problem. Own the role you’ve played in your personal and our collective struggles. Admit that you are part of the solution. Find and embrace your role in healing yourself and our world. If you’re a person of faith, consider adopting one of my recurring prayers: “God, help me know who I am and what is mine to do.” Ask for and accept help from others, and give your help in return. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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