Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Tag: finding peace (Page 1 of 2)

My Top 5 Insights After 300 Personal Development Posts

August 9, 2025 / / 0 Comments

You don’t know what you don’t know.

When I nervously wrote my first blog post back in 2017, I had no idea that I’d still be going eight years and three hundred posts later. That’s probably a good thing. The pressure would have stopped me in my tracks.

When I think back to all the life lessons I’ve learned and written about, a handful of recurring insights rise to the top. Here’s what I’d consider to be the top keys for a healthy, meaningful, and enjoyable life:

1. Identity is Indispensable

Answering the age-old question “Who am I?” sets the foundation for everything else. I’ve realized that basing my identity on anything temporal is shaky ground. If I use my career, my abilities, a relationship, or my season of life, what happens when I’m laid off or retire, my skills fade with age or lack of use, a relationship ends, or my kids move away? Who am I then? For me, I’ve found my deepest, unshakeable identity as someone who belongs to God. Whatever you choose for you identity’s foundation, make it something worthy of the wonderful person you are. 

2. Purpose is Paramount

Find a worthwhile pursuit that you enjoy to focus your energy on. It could be a career, helping others, a hobby, learning a new skill, travel, volunteering, etc. Life is far more meaningful and enjoyable when you have something that makes you want to get out of bed in the morning.

3. Individuality is Immeasurable

The older I get, the more I realize the importance of pursuing my own path in life. I am NOT a norm-breaking pioneer by nature, but choosing to be a professional musician, then a published author, and now someone who lives nomadically were each non-traditional paths. Not surprisingly, they’ve been among the most rewarding aspects of my life, and I wouldn’t change them for anything. Set aside your worries about what others may think and go with whatever path truly brings you life.

4. Hope is Highest

Hope is the fuel on which the engine of my life runs. Without it, everything grinds to a halt. As author John Eldredge says, there are three kinds of hopes—casual hopes (ex: “I hope we have cheesecake tonight”), precious hopes (ex: “I hope I survive the layoffs at work”), and ultimate hopes (ex: “I hope I really matter”). All are important for a rewarding and energized life, but ultimate hopes have that name for a reason. I’ve pinned my ultimate hopes to God. Whatever you choose for the fulfillment of your ultimate hopes, make it something reliable and sustainable that gives your life momentum. (I wrote more about this idea here).

5. Peace is Pinnacle

Seasons and circumstances will inevitably change; the trick is to learn to maintain inner peace through them all. Ironically, some of my greatest inner turmoil has been during times of outward tranquillity, while some of my deepest calm has been in times of chaos. Meditation, scheduled rest, exercise, time in nature, prayer, connection with loved ones, and routine all help me find my internal balance regardless of season. 

Which of these lessons resonate with you? Which ones come more naturally and which are a struggle? Claim your identity. Pursue your purpose. Embrace your individuality. Harbor your hope. Prioritize your peace. If you do, you’ll be a balm to a wounded world, and you’ll take a giant step toward Becoming Yourself. 

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The Invitation You Should Probably Decline

May 10, 2025 / / 0 Comments

An invitation is a mixed bag. 

On one hand, it feels good to be thought of. Noticed. Wanted. Included. On the other hand, accepting is a commitment of time, energy, and sometimes money. And there’s often a sense of obligation that comes with an invitation—I don’t want to accept, but I feel like I should.

Invitations come in many varieties—parties, ball games, dates, charitable events, groups, etc. Welcome or not, those kinds of invitations are usually clear and understandable.

What is often murkier is when you’re invited to an argument. That’s when someone is passionate about an issue, often upset, and wants you to be a part of it. At times, accepting that invitation is a good, necessary, and noble thing to do. Sometimes we should engage to stand up for someone being oppressed, for a principle we believe in, for a cause worth fighting for.

But that’s often not the case. Many times, someone has a self-serving agenda, an ax to grind, or misplaced anger, and they want to suck you into their misery. These invitations should almost always be declined. The odds of you emerging victorious, or even making a positive impact, are low. More than likely, you’ll end up wasting your time and emotional energy, then walking away feeling beat up and frustrated.

So when someone invites you to an argument, pause. Recognize it for what it is. Decide if it’s a cause worth fighting for. Does it resonate with who you are and align with what you believe is yours to do? If so, accept. If not, politely decline and walk away. If you do, you’ll enjoy a more peaceful life, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published Oct 15, 2022.

Find Peace with Let Them Come, Let Them Be, Let Them Go

April 5, 2025 / / 0 Comments

Something about this quote caught my heart:

Let them come, let them be, let them go.

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It stirred a longing, a wistful feeling, a thinly veiled desire. It rang true. But what does it mean? 

One of the strengths of this quote is that it’s open to interpretation. Different people can find different meanings. For me, I realized it outlines a peaceful life, free from the fear of what may come, of what I’ll experience, and of what I might lose. I long for a life like that, to know that kind of relief and freedom on a daily basis. 

So how can I become a peaceful, mature, content person who lets things come, be and go? How can I live with open hands?

Photo by Lina Trochez on Unsplash

I need to embrace new ideas, new people, and new experiences. I must let them come, even when they challenge my comfort zone and my established thinking. And once they are there, I must let them be, appreciating and enjoying them for who and what they are without feeling the need to change them. I need to be open to what they have to teach. At the same time, I must be willing to let them go when they have run their course, served their purpose, finished their season (you can read my post on when to let go of a relationship here).

Most of us naturally struggle with some of these traits while gravitating toward others. As a routine-loving person with a slightly timid nature, I struggle to let them come. Diving into new experiences is scary for me. I’d also put let them go in the growth edge column. I tend to take too long to realize a once-cherished routine, activity or relationship has run its course. On the plus side, I’m usually comfortable with let them be. 

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Which of these three ways of living comes easiest to you? Which is your biggest struggle? What are you resisting allowing to come into your life? What’s already in your life that you feel the unnecessary need to “fix”? What are you struggling to let go of? Breath deep. Be honest. Open your metaphorical hands to people, ideas and experiences. Let them come. Let them be. Let them go. If you do, you’ll find greater peace and contentment, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published May 7, 2022.

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