Developing a Better You

Tag: giving

Hard Lessons: Learning from Your Mistakes

This post was originally published in November of 2020.

I screwed up.

Recently I was giving a couple of suitcases to a group of houseless neighbors who shelter across the street from our condo (you can read that story here) when a man asked me if I had any socks. I told him I would find some for him. I ordered several ten packs online and a few nights later went down to give them to the man and anyone else who wanted some.

As with the suitcases, the socks were welcomed eagerly by the ten or so people gathered there. As I handed them out, I noticed one young man sitting away from the group. I approached and asked if he’d like some. He nodded and I handed him a pair. Realizing I had one pair left in the bag, I said, “Here’s another,” and tossed it to him.

Within seconds the additional pair was rocketing back at my head.

“I don’t want it,” he said tersely. Startled and embarrassed, I muttered an apology. Retrieving the projectile pair, I laid it by a sleeping couple and left.

As I walked away, I replayed the scene in my head. At first, my embarrassment gave way to mild indignation. The other people had been so grateful. How could that man be so rude after being given a gift?

Then it hit me. He was right to be upset. In tossing him that second pair, I never stopped to think how it would feel to be in his position of needing to accept socks from a stranger. I assumed what he wanted and needed instead of asking. I didn’t give him the respect he deserved.

As much as that exchange stung, the man did me a favor. I’m grateful. He taught me an important lesson, one that will hopefully help me to do better next time.  

Reaching out to help others is a wonderful thing. But as you do, remember to put yourself in the place of the person you’re trying to help. Act as you would want someone to act toward you if the situation was reversed. Give each person the dignity they deserve regardless of their circumstances. If you do, you’ll help to build a better world and take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

The Santa Affect: 3 Simple Ways to Give Where You Get

Give and Get: Santa PuppyGiving is supposed to be a selfless act. I get it. But if you’re like me, sometimes it helps to have a little extra motivation to give. Here are three simple ways to give where you get something in return.

1. TIME – when we give our time to help others it sweetens the time we spend on ourselves.

Give and Get: Time ClockWhen I volunteer my time at Furnishing Dignity, an awesome local organization that provides free furniture for people transitioning from homelessness, I honestly don’t always feel like fighting traffic to get to the warehouse by 7:30 am. And hauling heavy couches up to 2nd floor apartments isn’t at the top of my fun list either. But those sacrifices buy me a smile from a single mom whose apartment was empty 30 minutes ago that is now completely furnished. I arrive home reminded of how beautiful my house is and how fortunate I am. I enjoy and appreciate my life so much more when I give some of my time to help others.

A NEXT STEP: check out volunteermatch.org for volunteer opportunities in your area (you can sort by area of interest and commitment level)

2. TALENTS – when we share our talents with others we encourage them to share theirs with us.

Give and Get: Talent SkillsOne of my favorite jobs as my wife Lisa McMann’s assistant is sorting her fan mail. She’s an amazing NY Times bestselling author of 19 books and counting. Many of the letters she gets are from kids who thank her for sharing her talent for writing and tell her that she has inspired them to write their own stories. Her office wall is covered with drawings kids have made of her characters. An author’s life is not an easy one. I’ve had a front row seat for over a decade of her rejection letters, harsh critics, high-pressure deadlines and brutal tour schedules. But she loves it and has a gift. She fights through all the hard stuff to share her talent with others. And she gets a lot of love and joy in return. Your talents may not get you fan letters but if you can find a way to use them to help others, I bet you will be appreciated. And you just might find yourself on the receiving end of someones else’s gifts.

A NEXT STEP: think of one way you can use a talent you have to brighten someone’s day and knock it out this week.

3. TREASURE – when we give money to others in need, we appreciate the money we keep all the more.

Give and Get: Water BuffaloOne of my favorite Christmas traditions is giving everyone in our family money that they can donate to the charity of their choice. I keep a selection of those charity requests we get in the mail and spread them on the floor. It’s so fun to watch everyone choose where they’re going to give and share why it’s important to them. One year we combined our money and bought a poor family in Thailand their own water buffalo through Heifer International. I still remember the quote we received about the impact of a gift like that from a farmer who received one: “If I die, my family will mourn. If our water buffalo dies, my family will starve.” That will put your Christmas into perspective really quickly.

The church where I sing and play guitar did this in a big way recently when the lead pastor encouraged the attenders to put their love into action by sponsoring an impoverished child in Columbia. By the end of the weekend, the people of the church had sponsored every single child Compassion International had in their database for the entire country! Over 11,000 kids sponsored in a single weekend (it’s a really big church). Choose to give some of your treasure away and I’m guessing you and your family will be much more content no matter what gifts are under the tree this year.

A NEXT STEP: use charitynavigator.org to find a charity you can trust

So how about it? What’s one way you can give some of your time, talent, or treasure this week? Do it because there are people all around you who could really use what you have to give. And for that extra motivation, do it because you’ll get a lot in return. If you do, you’ll take another great step toward Becoming Yourself.

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