Developing a Better You

Tag: goals (Page 1 of 2)

The Long Road of Personal Development

It was like finding buried treasure. 

Reorganizing a spare room recently led to the unearthing of old photos and memorabilia from key moments in our family’s life. My daughter Kennedy’s scribbled declaration that she wanted to be an actor at age seven. My son Kilian’s drawing of the Pokemon Charizard. The promo poster from my wife Lisa’s first book signing. The spooky story I wrote in 7th grade. 

It reminded me how far each of us had come. Kennedy had a successful four-year run as Nancy Drew on the CW network and just finished filming the pilot episode for The Good Lawyer, a proposed spin off of ABC’s The Good Doctor. Kilian is a professional illustrator and graphic designer with his own company. Lisa is a New York Times bestselling author of 29 books and counting. My own spooky middle grade debut series Monsterious hits the shelves May 9, 2023. 

Highlighting the successes we are enjoying in our careers can be deceiving. It can give the impression that we had our childhood dreams, and then we achieved them. What’s missing is the journey down long, winding roads filled with potholes, barricades, washed-out bridges, and steep inclines. Failure, exhaustion, crushing defeats, confusion, hard work, and self doubt were, and still are, familiar companions to each of us. 

True personal development is a similar journey. We have a dream, an image of who we want to become, physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. We start down the path like so many before us, and quickly learn that real change does not come cheap. Focus, sweat, grit, and perseverance are the price. That’s why so many turn back, choosing the easier though ultimately unfulfilling road of abandoned dreams.

But a worthy goal is worth the struggle. All the effort, disappointment, fear, and frustration shrink to insignificance when we reach the mountaintop and bask in the sun of our realized dream.

My wife Lisa’s latest series
My son Kilian’s design firm

What are your personal development goals? Who would you love to become? Paint a compelling picture of what you want to achieve. Map out clear, practical steps. Invite a trusted companion to encourage you and hold you accountable. Take the first step. When you fall, get up and start again. If you do, you’ll know the fulfillment of real change and the joy of a life worth living as you take another giant leap toward Becoming Yourself.

Eat Your Elephant: A Bite-Sized Way to Achieve Audacious Goals

Achieving Goals: Cleaning TileI hate floor tile. I’m more of a wood floor and carpet person. What I hate even more is cleaning tile. It had been on my to do list for a long time. I finally broke down and started the task by telling myself all I had to clean was the master bathroom floor and then I could quit.

To make the time more productive and enjoyable, I set up my laptop on the bathroom counter and searched YouTube for “best TED Talks”. For those unfamiliar with TED Talks, they are short teachings (about 15 minutes) on a wide variety of interesting subjects by experts in their field. I picked one at random and started scrubbing.

Achieving Goals: Goal SettingAs I listened to “How to Achieve Your Most Ambitious Goals“ by Stephen Duneier, I was surprised to realize that I was actually using the technique the speaker was encouraging. I was breaking up a big task or goal into small, manageable pieces and then just taking the first step. It’s along the lines of the old adage “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” But this talk adds the tips of identifying your bites and utilizing otherwise wasted time in your day to take them.

Rather than reading my attempt at further explanation, give yourself a gift and take 18 minutes to be entertained, enlightened and inspired by listening to this highly motivating talk yourself.

Achieving Goals: ElephantBy the way, after I finished cleaning the master bathroom floor, I knocked out the entryway and downstairs bath floors as well! While floor cleaning is hardly an audacious goal, learning to apply this technique on smaller tasks gives me confidence in using it for bigger ones. Listen to this short TED Talk on a manageable way to achieve your audacious goals and take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

(Originally posted February 17, 2018)

A Simple 2 Minute Exercise for a Great New Year

It started with this Instagram post by my wife Lisa:

I loved her simple, compact list of positive things that happened in our family over the past year. It got me thinking about how a short reflection on the previous year could positively shape my personal development focus for the year to come.

Here is a simple “finish the sentences” exercise that can help you have a better, more focused new year. Spend just one minute completing each of these thoughts:

1. Looking back over last year, I’m so glad that I…

2. Looking back over last year, I wish I had…

For example, I finished these sentences like this:

1. Looking back over last year, I’m so glad that I…

a. finished my first novel

b. moved from a house in Arizona to an apartment in California

c. changed careers from a musician to a writer

d. sold most of my possessions and went (relatively) minimalist

2.  Looking back over last year, I wish I had…

a.  called my parents more often

b.  volunteered combating homelessness more often

c.  journaled

d.  written more blog posts

How would you complete those sentences? Maybe your “glad” list would include things like “took that new job,” “quit smoking,” or “started that hobby.” Maybe your “wish” list would have things like “spent more time with friends,” “forgave my brother,” or “read more books and watched less TV.” 

Whatever makes your lists, let the feelings of both satisfaction and regret this exercise generates motivate you to make better decisions in the coming year. Allow them to be lenses through which you evaluate new opportunities. Have them serve as guides that help you navigate the sea of choices you’ll face. Remember how good you feel about your accomplishments and your disappointment over your missteps. Commit to take actions that will lengthen next year’s “glad” list and shorten your “wish” list. If you do, you’ll take another big New Year’s step toward Becoming Yourself.


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