Developing a Better You

Tag: helping others (Page 1 of 2)

Want a Better Life for Yourself and Others? Engage Socially

We’re fine on our own, thank you very much.

That’s been the perspective my wife Lisa and I normally take during our nomadic travels, especially on cruises. Cruise ships afford you the opportunity to be as isolated or as social as you choose. Both being introverts, Lisa and I tend to shy away from new relationships.

We’re challenging ourselves to change that. Part of the wonder of travel is not only the places you go but the people you meet. People from all over the world and from different walks of life. People we can learn from. People who make the travel experience, and our lives, a little richer. 

We’re currently cruising southeastern Alaska, soaking in some of the most stunning scenery we’ve ever seen. At lunch the other day, Lisa struck up a conversation with the couple at the next table (she’s doing better at initiating than I am). They were friendly and engaging, and we bantered comfortably.

Noticing their accent and feeling emboldened, I asked, “What part of Australia are you from?” The smiles froze on their faces. They said, “We’re from New Zealand.” I didn’t fully understand it, but I knew I’d made a social blunder. Later I overheard a man at another table ask them if they were from New Zealand. They enthusiastically said yes, adding how much they hate it when people assume they’re from Australia.

Sometimes you swing and you miss. 

But we persevered. At dinner the next night, Lisa again started a conversation with a new couple at the next table. They were lovely, and we found we had much in common. At the end of the dinner, we exchanged phone numbers and arranged to have dinner together the following night.

At the next dinner, I was struck by how many of the life experiences Lisa and I have had proved helpful to our new friends. One of them is a writer looking to break into the industry. As published authors, Lisa and I could share some insights. Their kids are younger than ours, and we talked about navigating the tricky transition to parenting adult children. They were interested in downsizing and traveling more, and we told them our journey to becoming nomads.

Lisa and I in Haines Alaska

By choosing to get out of our comfort zone and engage with new people, Lisa and I had a much more enjoyable experience. It also put us in a position to pass on some hard-won knowledge and make the road a little easier for someone else.

Are you, like us, normally reserved socially? Put yourself out there. Strike up a conversation. Engage with people. Be ready to learn. Share the life lessons you’ve gained. If you do, you’ll have a richer life while helping others, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Interested in my USA Today bestselling books? You can find more info here or wherever you buy books.

Goal Setting for the New Year? Do a Few Things Well

I hate New Year’s resolutions.

Given that I write a personal development blog, that may sound odd. In my experience, goals forced by a date on the calendar have not worked well. I set too many, in too many areas, and usually flame out by February.

If New Year’s resolutions work for you, fantastic. You have my respect. For me, they feel overwhelming, and my failure to meet them kills my motivation to pursue personal development. This is especially true when it comes to goals based on helping others. 

I think that’s why I responded so strongly to this quote from author and Harvard professor Henri Nouwen:

The more I think about the human suffering in our world and my desire to offer a healing response, the more I realize how crucial it is not to allow myself to become paralyzed by feelings of impotence and guilt. More important than ever is to be very faithful to my vocation to do well the few things I am called to do and hold on to the joy and peace they bring me.

henri nouwen

Here are three things I take from this:

1. Guilt is not a helpful motivator.

It may get me to do something “good” in the short term, but it won’t set me up for long-term positive impact. I’ve started and abandoned many serving efforts based on guilt.

2. Doing a few things well is better than doing many things poorly.

The list of worthy causes and suffering people is endless. It’s easy to get sucked into spreading small bits of my limited time, energy, talents, and money in many places, making little real difference. Being honest about my passions, gifts, and interests, then finding one or two areas of need to focus them on will have far greater impact. Writing this blog and giving to Heifer International are two of my focus areas in this season.

3. Enjoy the personal benefits of helping others.

While it’s hopeful not my primary reason for serving, feeling joyful and peaceful is a great perk. Those highs keep me motivated when serving gets tough. 

What are you passionate about? What are you good at? What do you enjoy doing? What are some areas of need that intersect with those things? Pick one or two projects and focus your efforts there. You’ll make a greater impact while having more fun, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

As shared in the Dec 21, 2023 Daily Meditation by the Henri Nouwen Society. Text excerpts taken from “You are the Beloved” by Henri J.M. Nouwen © 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust. Published by Convergent Books

What I Learned from (Almost) Passing Out in a Hair Salon

It was mostly my own stupidity plus a little bad luck.

Last week, I had scheduled plenty of time to go home after my 11:45 am blood donation to eat a meal before my 3:00 pm haircut. Both locations are just down the street from my Sacramento apartment and easily walkable. I’d donate blood, stop home to eat and rest, then head to my haircut. No problem.

Things didn’t work out that way. When I arrived to donate, the nurse asked if I would be willing to do a double donation, simultaneously giving both platelets and plasma. She said it would take about 90 minutes. As that would still give me plenty of time before my haircut, I agreed. But the blood donation center was implementing a new software system which slowed down the check in process. Then once I had been in the chair for about 15 minutes, my left arm stopped cooperating causing an issue with the blood draw. The nurse said she’d need to switch to my right arm and start the process over again.

By the time I was actually finished donating, it was 2:30 pm. With the required 15 minute recovery period in the waiting area, I no longer had time to get a meal before my 3:00 pm haircut. I knew it wasn’t ideal, but I loaded up on the available free snacks to get me through until I got home.

As the haircut began, I started feeling a little unwell. No big deal, I thought, I’ll just gut it out. Then I began to sweat. A lot. Hair clippings were sticking to my face. I became lightheaded and nauseous. It was at that moment I realized I was in trouble. The affects of the double donation and lack of food had hit me hard, but my options seemed limited. How do you stop in the middle of a haircut? I let the stylist know what was happening and asked her to go as fast as she could.

The staff at the salon was awesome. While my stylist kicked it into overdrive, other people brought me some water and mini candy canes from the front counter. I chewed them, desperately trying to get some sugar into my system. Then my vision started to go. I could only make out blurry patches of light through the blackness as I struggled to stay upright in the chair. They offered to call 911 as my stylist finished, but I said I just needed to lie down. Two staff members helped me out of the chair and over to a nearby bench. Still unable to see clearly, I used voice command on my phone to call my wife Lisa to come and help me walk the half a block home.

My stylist stayed with me while a different staff person brought some chocolate covered pretzels from the break room. It was like handing someone dying of thirst a glass of ice water. I inhaled the whole bag. Slowly my vision came back, and with an incredible sense of relief, I felt a semblance of normalcy return. My wife arrived a few minutes later, paid the bill (including a generous tip), and after I’d offered my sincerest expressions of gratitude to all, she helped me home.

As I think back on that experience, I find myself feeling extremely grateful. Not for the sickness, or the sense of being trapped, or the embarrassment, but for the incredible generosity and kindness of a group of strangers. So often today, we hear how divided we all are, how people are selfish or mean-spirited. But that wasn’t what I saw that day. These people rallied around me, cared for me, and in no way made me feel ashamed for inconveniencing them or for making the very poor decision to not reschedule my appointment. That encounter strengthened my belief in basic human goodness.

I also realized how much I like to think of myself as independent and self-sufficient, able to handle most things on my own. That experience humbled me and reminded me that there are times in life when I really need to rely on people. That I can’t make it on my own. That on this crazy journey we call life, I need help from others just like they need help from me.

So as you go through your day, remember that sometimes you’re going to need help. It might be the physical variety, like getting sick in a hair salon. It might be emotional support, like needing a hug or someone to talk to. It could be mental assistance, like getting advice on a difficult decision. Or it could be spiritual aid, like trying to find a deeper sense of meaning or identity. Whatever type of help you need, reach out for it. Embrace it. Be grateful for it. Allow others to experience the gift of being needed. Return the favor. And be encouraged by the basic goodness of others. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

« Older posts

© 2026 Becoming Yourself

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑