Developing a Better You

Tag: Henri Nouwen (Page 1 of 8)

The Frustratingly Beautiful Practice of Silence

I have monkey mind. 

In my practice of silence, rather than the calm stillness I seek, thoughts often leap about randomly in my head like monkeys in a tree. It’s frustrating

But I’ve learned that if I stick with it, my ping-ponging thoughts begin to settle, like still water on a pond after the ripples subside. I’m usually able to find the peace, clarity, insight, and connectedness to my truest self that I’m looking for. 

Author and teacher Henri Nouwen described this struggle-and-benefit duality of silence. While the closing section on connection with God may not fit your worldview, I believe there is still much to be gained from his insight and from the practice of silence:

At first silence might only frighten us. In silence we start hearing voices of darkness: our jealousy and anger, our resentment and desire for revenge, our lust and greed, and our pain over losses, abuses, and rejections. These voices are often noisy and boisterous. They may even deafen us. Our most spontaneous reaction is to run away from them and return to our entertainment.

But if we have the discipline to stay put and not let these dark voices intimidate us, they will gradually lose their strength and recede into the background, creating space for the softer, gentler voices of the light.

These voices speak of peace, kindness, gentleness, goodness, joy, hope, forgiveness, and most of all, love. They might at first seem small and insignificant, and we may have a hard time trusting them. However, they are very persistent and they will be stronger if we keep listening. They come from a very deep place and from very far. They have been speaking to us since before we were born, and they reveal to us that there is no darkness in the One who sent us into the world, only light. They are part of God’s voice calling us from all eternity: “My beloved child, my favorite one, my joy.”

henri nouwen, “you are the beloved”

Have you experimented with silence? Perhaps you’ve struggled as I have. Try again. Start with one minute. Gradually lengthen your time. Go slowly. Try techniques like a focus image (candle, mountain meadow, fireplace, etc), concentrating on your breathing, or repeating a helpful word or phrase aloud or silently (peace, quiet, God, love, I am seeking myself, etc.). Stick with it until your wandering thoughts begin to still. If you do, you’ll experience greater peace and clarity, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself. 

This post originally published Dec 9, 2023. Text excerpts taken from “You are the Beloved” by Henri J.M. Nouwen, © 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust. Published by Convergent Books. As shared in the Nov 24, 2023 Daily Meditation from The Henri Nouwen Society. 

A Freeing Perspective on Serving Others

Sometimes powerful things are said simply.

The following excerpt from the writings of Henri Nouwen is a great example. It stands out to me because it addresses my struggle to balance serving others with enjoying life, a topic I wrote about here.

Nouwen’s perspective gave me peace and clarity regarding that struggle. He approaches it with a spiritual bent, but the concept applies regardless of your place on the belief spectrum. I hope you find it helpful as you take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

The more I think about the human suffering in our world and my desire to offer a healing response, the more I realize how crucial it is not to allow myself to become paralyzed by feelings of impotence and guilt. More important than ever is to be very faithful to my vocation to do well the few things I am called to do and hold on to the joy and peace they bring me. I must resist the temptation to let the forces of darkness pull me into despair and make me one more of their many victims. I have to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus and on those who followed him and trust that I will know how to live out my mission to be a sign of hope in this world.

– Henri Nouwen, You Are the Beloved

For the Dec 21, 2024 Daily Meditation from the Henri Nouwen Society. Text excerpts taken from “You are the Beloved” by Henri J.M. Nouwen © 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust.

Find Healing by Embracing Your Wounds

SPECIAL NOTE: I’m on book tour in October and may be in your area. I’d love to meet you! If interested, see details at the bottom of this post.

Being human means being wounded. 

The world is beautiful and deadly. Life is wonderful and painful. Simply existing eventually leads to hurt. 

The question is this—how will we choose to deal with our wounds? Richard Rohr rightly said that those who do not transform their pain transmit their pain. Hurt people hurt people. It’s up to us to acknowledge our wounds, grieve well, and use the experience to deepen our becoming.

But how can we do that? Each of us must find our own path. Therapy can help. Talking vulnerably with trusted friends can help. Prayer can help. Serving others can help.

Ultimately, we must allow ourselves to feel our pain. We can’t stuff it, avoid it, sanitize it, or numb it. We must face it. Experience it. Go through it. 

Author and teacher Henri Nouwen put it this way:

You have been wounded in many ways. The more you open yourself to being healed, the more you will discover how deep your wounds are…. The great challenge is living your wounds through instead of thinking them through. It is better to cry than to worry, better to feel your wounds deeply than to understand them, better to let them enter into your silence than to talk about them. The choice you face constantly is whether you are taking your hurts to your head or to your heart. In your head you can analyze them, find their causes and consequences, and coin words to speak and write about them. But no final healing is likely to come from that source. You need to let your wounds go down to your heart. Then you can live through them and discover that they will not destroy you. Your heart is greater than your wounds.

As you encounter your wounds, take a breath. Face them. Name them. Talk them through with your trusted circle and your Higher Power. Allow yourself to feel them deeply. Then take their lessons and let them go. If you do, you’ll find growth and healing, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

SPECIAL NOTE: I’ll be on book tour with my author wife Lisa McMann from Oct 11-26, 2024 with events in Arizona, Pennsylvania, Michigan, Colorado, and Texas. I’d love to meet you. For details, see the graphic below or visit my website HERE.

As featured in the Daily Meditation from The Henri Nouwen Society. Text excerpts taken from “You are the Beloved” by Henri J.M. Nouwen © 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust. Published by Convergent Books.

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