Developing a Better You

Tag: Henri Nouwen (Page 1 of 7)

Find Healing by Embracing Your Wounds

SPECIAL NOTE: I’m on book tour in October and may be in your area. I’d love to meet you! If interested, see details at the bottom of this post.

Being human means being wounded. 

The world is beautiful and deadly. Life is wonderful and painful. Simply existing eventually leads to hurt. 

The question is this—how will we choose to deal with our wounds? Richard Rohr rightly said that those who do not transform their pain transmit their pain. Hurt people hurt people. It’s up to us to acknowledge our wounds, grieve well, and use the experience to deepen our becoming.

But how can we do that? Each of us must find our own path. Therapy can help. Talking vulnerably with trusted friends can help. Prayer can help. Serving others can help.

Ultimately, we must allow ourselves to feel our pain. We can’t stuff it, avoid it, sanitize it, or numb it. We must face it. Experience it. Go through it. 

Author and teacher Henri Nouwen put it this way:

You have been wounded in many ways. The more you open yourself to being healed, the more you will discover how deep your wounds are…. The great challenge is living your wounds through instead of thinking them through. It is better to cry than to worry, better to feel your wounds deeply than to understand them, better to let them enter into your silence than to talk about them. The choice you face constantly is whether you are taking your hurts to your head or to your heart. In your head you can analyze them, find their causes and consequences, and coin words to speak and write about them. But no final healing is likely to come from that source. You need to let your wounds go down to your heart. Then you can live through them and discover that they will not destroy you. Your heart is greater than your wounds.

As you encounter your wounds, take a breath. Face them. Name them. Talk them through with your trusted circle and your Higher Power. Allow yourself to feel them deeply. Then take their lessons and let them go. If you do, you’ll find growth and healing, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

SPECIAL NOTE: I’ll be on book tour with my author wife Lisa McMann from Oct 11-26, 2024 with events in Arizona, Pennsylvania, Michigan, Colorado, and Texas. I’d love to meet you. For details, see the graphic below or visit my website HERE.

As featured in the Daily Meditation from The Henri Nouwen Society. Text excerpts taken from “You are the Beloved” by Henri J.M. Nouwen © 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust. Published by Convergent Books.

A Simple Way to Help a Loved One in Pain

I’m a fixer.

In response to a frustration, hurt, or problem in a loved one’s life, my first instinct is to fix it. To solve it. To make it go away.

But for some of the deepest struggles in life, there is no fix. No solve. No solution. There is only acceptance. Endurance. Embracing. Sharing. Supporting. This is where real love and true friendship are shown. 

When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not-knowing, not-curing, not-healing, and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is the friend who cares.

henri nouwen

When a friend is struggling, it gives me hope knowing I don’t have to have sage advice or just the right words of comfort. What matters most is my willingness to walk the dark road beside them.

So when a loved one is in pain, simply show up. Be there. Embrace the silence. Admit that you don’t know what you don’t know. If you do, you’ll provide a deep comfort, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published July 8, 2023.

From the June 23, 2023 daily mediation from The Henri Nouwen Society

Text excerpts taken from “You are the Beloved” by Henri J.M. Nouwen © 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust. Published by Convergent Books.

Find Healing by Sharing Your Weaknesses

I recently published a post about being more transparent with my weaknesses. When I came across the following excerpt from the writings of Henri Nouwen, I decided to share it as a follow up on this theme of vulnerability in hopes that it helps you take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Over the last few years I have been increasingly aware that true healing mostly takes place through the sharing of weakness. Mostly we are so afraid of our weaknesses that we hide them at all cost and thus make them unavailable to others but also often to ourselves. And, in this way, we end up living double lives even against our own desires: one life in which we present ourselves to the world, to ourselves, and to God as a person who is in control and another life in which we feel insecure, doubtful, confused, and anxious and totally out of control. The split between these two lives causes us a lot of suffering. I have become increasingly aware of the importance of overcoming the great chasm between these two lives and am becoming more and more aware that facing, with others, the reality of our existence can be the beginning of a truly free life.

It is amazing in my own life that true friendship and community became possible to the degree that I was able to share my weaknesses with others. Often I became aware of the fact that in the sharing of my weaknesses with others, the real depths of my human brokenness and weakness and sinfulness started to reveal themselves to me, not as a source of despair but as a source of hope. As long as I try to convince myself or others of my independence, a lot of my energy is invested in building up my own false self. But once I am able to truly confess my most profound dependence on others and on God, I can come in touch with my true self and real community can develop.

As shared in the July 27, 2024 Daily Meditation by the Henri Nouwen Society. Text excerpts taken from “You are the Beloved” by Henri J.M. Nouwen © 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust. Published by Convergent Books.

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