Developing a Better You

Tag: hope (Page 2 of 3)

How’s Your Hope? 2 Keys to Leveraging Hope for a Better Life

I originally published this post in August of 2019, but given everything that 2020 has thrown at us so far, I found it coming back to my mind. My deep wish is that it helps you find hope in these troubled times.

One of my favorite movies is The Shawshank Redemption. I love the last scene where Morgan Freeman’s character Red, newly released from decades in prison, is on a bus to where Tim Robbin’s character Andy is restoring a boat on a beach in Mexico. In his buttery voice, Morgan reflects on hope:

“I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.”

What is it about hope that has such a profound impact on us? There are a lot of emotional experiences we desire like love, joy, and peace. What makes hope so important?

Hope is a big topic so I’ll only attempt to describe one aspect of it. This post was inspired by author John Eldredge in one of his recent “Wild at Heart” daily emails. You can read that post here.

What I found intriguing was Eldredge’s idea that we all have three kinds of hopes:

1. CASUAL HOPES – these are our day to day, common hopes. I hope my favorite team makes the playoffs. I hope this restaurant has cheesecake. I hope I can see my friends Friday night. These hopes we readily acknowledge to ourselves and others.

2. PRECIOUS HOPES – these are more serious. The fulfillment, or lack of fulfillment, of these hopes have a dramatic impact on our lives and the lives of people we love. I hope I survive the layoffs at work. I hope my child starts making better choices. I hope it’s not cancer. These kinds of hopes we usually acknowledge to ourselves and the people close to us.

3. ULTIMATE HOPES – these hopes go to the deepest level of our thoughts about life and ourselves. I hope I really matter. I hope my life has lasting meaning. I hope there’s something good waiting for me when I die. These kinds of hopes most of us rarely acknowledge even to ourselves let alone share with other people. 

Here’s why understanding these three types of hope is important to our personal growth:

“When our hopes are in their proper places, attached to the right things, not only do we flourish better as human beings, but we are rescued from a thousand heartbreaks.” John Eldredge

What’s he saying here? Two critical things:

1. We need to keep our hopes in their PROPER PLACE – all of those hopes listed above are normal and healthy. But if we allow a casual hope, like our favorite team making the playoffs, to become a precious hope, we’re headed for trouble. If your team being edged out of the post-season puts you in a deep depression, that’s a clear sign that you’ve allowed a casual hope to slip out of its proper place. The same is true with a precious hope becoming an ultimate one. I have a precious hope that my adult children will continue to make good choices. That said, whether they do or don’t will not determine my self-worth or my sense of my life having meaning.

2. We need to anchor our ultimate hopes in SOMETHING WORTHY – we choose where we place our hopes. For our casual hopes, choosing which restaurant to go to is not a big deal. For our precious hopes, choosing which doctor to trust with analyzing our biopsy results is more significant. We want to have confidence in the worthiness our choice. Then there are ultimate hopes. I believe that where we choose to anchor our ultimate hopes is one of the most important decisions we will ever make. Choosing a worthy place to rest them is critical to becoming our True Selves, avoiding unnecessary pain, and enjoying the fullest experience of life.

So where will you choose to place your ultimate hopes for meaning, identity, self-worth, and a future? Obviously, you wouldn’t want to anchor these kinds of hopes to the volatility of the stock market or an ultimately unfulfilling bank account. Or even to your career which can change or end. What about in another person? What about in yourself? Where do you believe your strongest anchor lies? What is the bedrock that you can count on no matter what comes? That’s a question everyone needs to answer for themselves.

For me, the most worthy anchor for my ultimate hopes is my relationship with God. God fulfills my hopes for lasting meaning, for being deeply valued for who I am, and for a positive future beyond this life.

So when it comes to your hopes, keep them in their proper place. Don’t let a causal hope become a precious one, or a precious hope become ultimate. And make sure you anchor your ultimate hopes in something truly worthy of your trust. If you do, you’ll take another giant step toward Becoming Yourself. 

3 Gifts I Gave Myself on my 50th Birthday: Forgiveness, Gratitude, and Hope

My recent birthday brought to mind this post I originally published in June of 2019. Given all that’s gone on in the first half of 2020, the three gifts I gave myself last year seemed helpful to revisit. I hope they are encouraging to you on your journey toward Becoming Yourself.

I turned fifty years old last week. My wife Lisa and I took a scenic train ride through the Napa Valley countryside and enjoyed a gourmet meal to mark the occasion. I’d always thought this particular birthday would be a momentous milestone, but honestly it didn’t feel like either a big celebration or a sad farewell to my younger days.

That said, hitting the fifty year mark did offer a poignant opportunity for introspection, and since I have a contemplative bent, I did some reflecting. I looked back over where I’ve been in my life. I looked around at where I am. I looked ahead to where I’m going. After all that looking, I decided to give myself three gifts for my fiftieth birthday:

GIFT #1: FORGIVENESS

I gave myself the gift of looking at my past with forgiveness. Forgiveness for my mistakes. For my failures. For the opportunities I’ve squandered. All that looking back brought plenty of those less pleasant memories to mind. I could surrender to shame and regret, but what good would that really do? It wouldn’t help me or anyone else. So, while remembering the lessons those stumbles have taught me, I’m choosing to admit that I’m imperfect and letting myself enjoy the gift of grace, both from God and myself.

GIFT #2: GRATITUDE

I gave myself the gift of looking at my present with gratitude. Gratitude for what I’ve been given. For what I’ve accomplished. For who I’ve become. Like all of us, I’ve had, and continue to have, my problems and struggles, but overall my life is amazing. I have a great family and friends. I’m healthy. I get to do work that I enjoy. I have an exciting and healing relationship with God. I live in a place I love. And while I still have a long way to go, I’ve made good progress on my personal development goals. I have so much to be grateful for. I’m giving myself the gift of gratitude because it makes my problems feel smaller and my life sweeter.

GIFT #3: HOPE

I gave myself the gift of looking at my future with hope. I have no idea what the rest of my life will bring. I may be dead tomorrow. Tragedy could strike in any number of ways in the coming months and years, and I’m sure I will face more hard times. That said, I believe there are exciting adventures ahead. Unexpected joys. Worthwhile endeavors to be attempted and completed. Relationships to be savored and experiences shared. I’m expectant, buoyed by my belief that whatever comes, God has my back and will carry me through (for more on finding hope, see my post here).

So how about you? You don’t need to wait for a special milestone to give yourself these gifts. Do it today. Take just ten minutes to reflect on your life. Start by looking honestly at your past mistakes, failures, and regrets. Then give yourself the gift of FORGIVENESS. Spend the next few minutes looking at the good things about your present, and give yourself the gift of GRATITUDE. Spend some moments looking at your future. Think of the possibilities, experiences, accomplishments, and relationships that await, and give yourself the gift of HOPE. Finish off your time in silence, clearing your thoughts and listening for anything that God, the universe, or your own mind might have to say. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Fight the Coronavirus Blues with a Personal Symbol of Hope

I’ve never been a fan of winter. Even as a kid, I hated being cold. Sure, I’d play outside for awhile, making snow people and having snowball fights with my sisters. But after an hour or so, I’d retreat indoors by the fire with a good book or video game, dreaming of warm days filled with shooting baskets, playing catch with my dad, and tromping through the woods.

That’s why I loved robins. As the long, gray months of Michigan winters wound to a close, I would peer expectantly out the windows, eager to catch a glimpse of the first robin of spring. The bird became a symbol of hope for me, a sign that winter was indeed almost over, and the long-anticipated renewal was almost here.

With homemade masks on against the coronavirus, my wife Lisa and I were walking in a nearby park recently when I saw a flash of red. Hopping from place to place, looking for seeds beneath an oak tree, was a robin. The sight brought me back to my childhood, and along with it came a familiar longing.

Like all of us, I feel trapped in a long coronavirus winter, stuck inside when I’d rather be out playing. And unlike winter, the current pandemic induced season we’re in has no reliable end-date. All we know is that it’s going to be a long slog. That’s a depressing thought.

But the robin reminded me of an important truth. This winter will pass. Spring will come. It always does. Research will be completed. Containment measures will be improved. A vaccine will eventually be found. The world we return to will probably look differently than we remember when we finally emerge, blinking in the sun. This experience will change us, as 9/11 did, and we’ll adapt to a new normal. But it’s going to be okay. We’re going to get there. Together.

So what’s your symbol of hope? What image or word or experience or possession or animal or person reminds you of a promised renewal? Perhaps yours relates to the hopeful message of the recent Easter season. It could be the aroma of fresh baked bread. Maybe it’s the sunrise, or a cherished book or song.

Whatever it is, find a way to focus on that symbol during this challenging time. Place it on a sticky note on your mirror. Use it as your phone’s home screen or computer background. Add it to your playlist. Set it on your nightstand. Bake it tonight. If you do, you’ll feel the winds of hope begin to stir, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Me and my wife Lisa
« Older posts Newer posts »

© 2024 Becoming Yourself

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑