We’re all different. We have different appearances, backgrounds, personalities, experiences, perspectives, tastes, and beliefs. Sometimes those dissimilarities lead to delight and other times to tension, but either way, we cannot deny they exist.
But on a deeper level, I believe we’re all the same. Everyone. Regardless of age, nationality, gender, orientation, socio-economic class, religion, you name it. We’re united in this regard – we all desire the same four things: wonder, truth, love, and security. Philosopher Ravi Zacharias organized them this way:
WONDER
This tends to be a focus of our childhood. We seek discovery. We embrace new experiences. We desire to be fascinated by life.
TRUTH
This is often a focus of our youth. We want answers to big questions. Where did I come from? Why am I here? Where am I going? What is the purpose of my life? What is real?
LOVE
While true of every stage, this is often a focus of our middle age. We long to belong. To be accepted. To be valued. To be adored and cherished just as we are.
SECURITY
This is usually a focus of our later years. We yearn for peace. An assurance that we’ll be cared for. A confidence that everything is going to be okay.
If it’s true that these four elements comprise the deepest desires of our hearts, how can we fulfill them? What sources can we turn too? Depending on who you ask, you’ll find both variety and similarities in the answers to those questions. Some will find wonder in travel, adventure, and romance. Truth can be sought in books, study, and deep conversations. Love can be found in family, friends, and a life partner. Security can be obtained in money, wise planning, and a stable job.
All of those are good things. They are all things I’ve pursued in my own attempts to satisfy my deepest desires. But to be honest, they’ve never felt like quite enough. As compelling as they can be at times, each has left me wanting something more, like an itch I can’t scratch. None of them gave me the ultimate satisfaction and contentment I was looking for. Perhaps you can relate.
In the end, my search for true fulfillment of these four deepest desires has been met in God. I know that for some of you, God is a non-starter, and I respect that position. My motivation here is just to share my personal experience in case it’s helpful to some. In my lifelong pursuit of God, I’ve found God to be an unending well of WONDER, a reliable dispenser of TRUTH, a spring of unconditional LOVE, and source of bedrock SECURITY (for the story of how I connect with God and ideas on how you can do the same, read my post here).
Ravi Zacharias summarized these thoughts at the end of a lecture that served as the catalyst for this post. While he is speaking from a Christian perspective, I think the idea is applicable to most religious affiliations and names for God:
“God, who is the perpetual novelty (WONDER), who gave us his Son who is the way, the truth, and the life (TRUTH), who loved you and gave Himself for you on the cross (LOVE), and says, ‘Because I live, you shall live also’ (SECURITY), that’s when meaning comes in – when these four components deal with the questions of origin, meaning, morality, and destiny and bring that coherence into your life.”
Ravi Zacharias (The Top 5 Questions lecture, University of Iowa 2001)
So how about you? How satisfied is your desire for WONDER? What progress have you made in your search for TRUTH? Are you on your way to fulfilling LOVE? Do you have a deep sense of SECURITY? Regardless if your journey leads you to God or some other source, this is a quest worthy of your time and effort. Search for fulfillment of each of these deep desires. If you do, you’ll lead a rich life and take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
In honor of the kid inside all of us who longs to come out at Christmas, I decided to repost a story I originally shared in October of 2017. May it inspire your inner 10 year old this holiday!
I asked my wife, Lisa, to come out, and with the aid of binoculars, we watched it dim and brighten, swirl and pulse in a seemingly random pattern. For fifteen minutes, we observed it, trying to come up with every possible rational explanation. It wasn’t the reflected light of a headlight or a swimming pool. It wasn’t landscape lighting from a backyard. It wasn’t a white cloth fluttering in the breeze reflecting moonlight. Our best guess was that it was a light-up dog toy that a hiker tossed to their pet up on the hill. Maybe it went over the edge and got lodged on the slope. Eventually we went to bed, still wondering.
In that moment, wearing pajamas, standing in the dark, my head still fuzzy from sleep, I asked myself a question – should I go investigate? An internal tug-of-war began between my current 48-year-old self and my former 10-year-old self. 48’s argument went something like this:
Happiness is an elusive goal. I usually find it when I’m chasing other things. I’m not saying that a key to happiness is to do EVERYTHING that would make my 10-year-old self proud (Oreo pizza a la mode for dinner anyone?). But for me, this challenge is a good one. I too easily default to the “shoulds” in my life. The grown-up responsibilities. The expected. The practical. When I was 10, I wanted to chase ghosts. I wanted to write a book. A spooky, mystery-adventure book. In honor of my childhood self, I just chased a ghost. I’ve also started that book. I’m on chapter 22 and having a ball. I’ll let you know when I’m done.
I was sitting on a bench at Denison College in Ohio when it happened. I had just finished my run and was waiting to walk my daughter to her play rehearsal when a loud, cheery voice called out, “Good morning! How are you?” Startled, I looked up and saw a groundskeeper in an orange vest, trash stick in hand. He was staring right at me with a big smile on his face. From the articulation of his words and some of his facial features, I realized that he was a person with an intellectual disability. I stumbled out what I hope was an appropriate response and he moved on.
As I sat on the bench and reflected on that encounter, I started asking myself some hard questions: Why aren’t I more like that? More unabashedly friendly? Why am I not that happy? If he’s the one with a disability, why is his outlook on life so positive?
In that moment, I was reminded of how big an impact the attitude I choose has on my happiness. The way I decide to look at life, regardless of my circumstances, will largely determine my enjoyment of it. I’ve seen it clearly in others – some people with health, wealth, friends, and family who are stressed and bitter while others dealing with illness, poverty, and loss shine with joy and hope.
I’m not advocating denying our pain and struggles. Some of us face incredible hardships or are in a season of spirit-crushing trials. Neither “put on a happy face” or “don’t worry, be happy” is a magic elixir for contentment. But, no matter what our circumstances, we do have the ability to chose our attitude. The power to see our difficulties as insurmountable joy-killers or real opportunities for personal growth is ours to wield.
We all have challenges in life that threaten our experience of joy, things that will either make us bitter or make us better. The attitude we choose to take toward these challenges will greatly determine if we feel stressed and defeated or peaceful and hopeful. Choose well today. Be grateful. Notice beauty. Show kindness. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.