While I’m away on book tour promoting my debut novels for a few weeks (you can read about them here), I decided to share some popular previously published content. The following post was originally published February 6, 2021.
I didn’t want to go.
My wife and I don’t own a car. We work from home and live in a highly walkable area. Recently we rented a car for the weekend to run some long distance errands. Wanting to take full advantage of it, I planned to drive to a favorite hiking destination that Sunday. But after a full day of running around on Saturday, sitting in my chair Sunday afternoon sounded a lot better than navigating rocky trails. It was also gloomy with a forecast of rain.
But knowing how life-giving hiking is for me, and how rare it was to have a car, I decided to press on. I made the drive and hit the trail, proud of myself and looking forward to the emotional lift that exercising in nature always brings me.
It didn’t come. Midway through the hike, I realized that I felt completely flat. No buzz. It was the emotional equivalent of walking a grocery aisle. Minus the food. Alone on the empty trail, I stopped and said aloud to God, “What am I doing here? I normally love this. Why am I not feeling anything? Why am I wasting my time?” What came to my mind and heart in response was this:
It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. Just keep going.
So I did. Something about simply embracing my feelings made me feel better. Though it wasn’t the emotional high I expected, the weight of disappointment and frustration were gone.
I paused to catch my breath after a long ascent and looked back. In the distance, I saw a solid sheet of rain steadily approaching. Instead of inspiring dread, it made me smile. For this hike, it seemed somehow fitting. I pressed on, seeing if I could out hike the rain.
The gusts increased, sending gray clouds sailing by overhead. I reached a rocky outcropping with a panoramic view of the foothills below me. I breathed in the scene, and as the rain began to fall, it felt like I was alone on a windswept moor in England.
Fortunately, the real downpour drifted to the backside of the mountain, and I was spared a drenching. I made it back to my rental car with a deep sense of accomplishment. When I arrived home, I was surprised by the realization that I felt more alive than I had in a long time.
We all know that things that are good for us often aren’t enjoyable in the moment, like doing pushups or eating raw broccoli or swallowing bitter medicine. We do them for the benefit that comes later. But sometimes things that normally give us pleasure fail to do so. Yet they can still bear good fruit. Often when I feel lost or confused or gloomy or beaten down or unmotivated, I make myself do something that I know is good. That I’ll be glad I did when the storm clouds pass. The sense of accomplishment I gain doesn’t always pull me out of my funk, but it usually helps.
So when a normally life-giving activity disappoints you, try pressing on. If it continues to taste like stale bread, then maybe your interests have changed, and it’s time to move on. But in the meantime, stick it out. Do the good you know to do. Remember that it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. Just keep going. If you do, you might feel yourself coming alive, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.