Developing a Better You

Tag: Keith McMann

A 5 Minute Action You Can Take Right Now to Improve the World

As we rush headlong into the final stage of a long election cycle here in the United States, I’ve been lamenting how our heated political debates often obscure the underlying values and concepts that form the heart of the matter. I was reminded of a document I discovered and wrote about in July of 2019 that helped clarify my thinking on this issue. I share that post again today in hopes that you find it helpful in this season.

My dad nailed me with one question.

As we often do when we get together, my father and I were engaged in a lively discussion. He’s a retired high school teacher and college professor with a PhD in philosophy. I inherited my dad’s love for deep discussion and debate. I was arguing the merits of a particular approach to addressing a social justice issue and, as he’s done many times before, he caused me to rethink my position with a profound but simple question:

“What’s your goal?”

That memory came back to me today as I debated whether or not to write this post. I came across something in my morning reading that I feel is really important, but sharing it here would be different than the kinds of things I normal write about at Becoming Yourself. I decided to use my dad’s clarifying “What’s your goal?” question to help me decide.

What is my goal in writing this blog? Generically, it’s to help people reach their personal development goals. More specifically, my goal is to help others become a better emotional, mental, and spiritual version of themselves.

But why? Why is it good or important to become a better version of yourself? What are the benefits that makes the hard work of personal development worthwhile? I believe we work on ourselves for two reasons:

  1. So that we can have a better quality of life
  2. So that we can more effectively help others have a better quality of life

Today’s post squarely aligns with that second reason – helping others. What I’m about to challenge you to do may not directly improve your life, though I would argue that we are all in this together, and when we help others, we help ourselves in the long run. What I’m encouraging you to do right now is this:

Read and, if you agree with it, sign the Barmen Today Declaration.

What is the Barmen Today Declaration? The link above gives more detail, but in short, it’s a statement that provides a simple way for you to stand with people who are suffering and marginalized. A simple way for you to make your voice heard in a call for unity and healing. A simple way for you to say every human matters and has inherent dignity and value regardless of class, gender, orientation, race, or religion. A simple way for you to say you stand for love vs. hate, compassion vs. apathy, and hope vs. fear.

This is not a statement in favor of any particular political party or religion. This is a statement about the kind of world you want to live in and are willing to fight for.

I know that most of you will be tempted, like I was, to blow this off. You’re busy with a lot of demands on your time. I get it. My challenge to you is simply this: Click the link. Give 5 minutes to read the declaration and, like I did, sign it. If you do, then when you hear the latest reports of division and suffering in your news feeds today, you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that you gave just a little bit of your time to stand for a better world. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Extraneous Questions and the Meaning of Life

My classmate was trying to be clever. He thought he could stump my dad, one of the smartest people you’ll ever meet. It didn’t work. That said, I’m grateful he tried because what my father said in response shapes my life to this day.

We were in my high school calculus class and my father was the teacher. Yep, I had my dad for calculus. Physics and Algebra II as well. It made things a bit challenging socially at times but I wouldn’t have it any other way. He was and is the best teacher I’ve ever known.

My dad teaching chess to my son Kilian

One of the things you need to know about my dad is that he isn’t a great teacher just because he’s smart (after his Masters degree in math he went on to get a PhD in philosophy just for fun). He’s a great teacher because his main concern is helping his students learn how to think. The subject matter is immaterial. Math, science, wood shop, basket weaving, it doesn’t matter. To him all subjects are just spare parts to be used to build a well developed Thinking Machine, a structured brain equipped to help his students process whatever complex issues life throws their way. Would that there were more like him.

One evidence of this approach that I observed during my high school years was Extraneous Questions Day. Every other Monday, instead of unpacking the next daunting calculus equation, he would attempt to answer questions from the class. About anything. Whatever was on our adolescent minds. Topics ranged from sex and dating to college and career paths to basketball and auto mechanics. We loved it. And not just because it was a reprieve from a math induced coma. He treated us like adults and valued our contributions to the discussions.  We felt respected which made us respect him in return.

My father and me at the Grand Canyon

It was on one such Extraneous Questions Day that I witnessed my classmate’s unsuccessful attempt to best my father. The class had grown silent for a moment as we digested whatever nugget of wisdom my dad had just offered us. That’s when my friend lifted his head and threw out the next question – “What is the meaning of life?”

He laughed as he said it, not really taking it seriously. We could all tell by his delivery that he didn’t really expect an answer. But my dad didn’t laugh. He looked thoughtful for a few seconds. Then he asked us to think back to the absolute best day of our lives, the one that stood out above all the rest. What made it great? A moment later he encouraged us to remember the most terrible day of our lives. Why was it so painful?

After giving us a minute of quiet pondering, he said something like this: “I’m guessing that for most of us, both our best days and our worst days had a lot to do with other people, people who are significant to us. Maybe that gives us a clue to the question ‘What is the meaning of life?’. I believe the answer is relationships. For me, the meaning of life can be found in our relationships with ourselves, with others, and with God.”

We were silent. It was a drop the mic moment. As young as we were, my friends and I all somehow knew that we were just handed something weighty, something important, even if we weren’t able to fully grasp why.

Over the last 30 years I’ve often thought about that day. I’ve come to see the truth in those profoundly simple words. While I’m still unpacking their depths, I’m pretty sure my dad was right. I’ve come to believe, like my father before me, that the meaning of life is found in relationships. Our relationships with ourselves, with others, and, for me as a person of faith, with God.

This age old question is bigger than any one post, than any one story. We’re just scratching the surface here. If you decide to keep reading these musings, we’ll dig deeper together in the days ahead. I hope you’ll find it helpful on your journey toward Becoming Yourself.

The greatest teacher I know – my dad, Keith McMann

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