I was listening to Brynn Elliott sing Might Not Like Me on the radio when I realized something – this catchy pop song highlights a combination of two apparently conflicting characteristics needed for personal growth. At first glance, they may appear to create an oxymoron – a phrase that seems inherently contradictory, like jumbo shrimp, deeply superficial, or definitely maybe. But a closer look shows that definition really doesn’t apply. So what false oxymoron does this song reveal that I believe is key to Becoming Yourself? Humble confidence. Take a look at the first verse and chorus:
You broke up with me and for the life of me
I couldn’t figure out what I did wrong
I’m so sorry, I’m usually the first one
To admit that I did wrong
Get over yourself, it’s no big deal
If I run a little faster than you on the playground
Get over yourself, what’s your problem
What’s your problem?
Well if you don’t like girls that are stronger than you
And if you don’t like girls that are faster than you
And if you don’t like girls that are smarter than you
Well then you might not like me
You might not like me
(Copyright Nathan Paul Chapman and Brynn Elliott)
Brynn is both humble enough to admit her mistakes AND confident enough to own her strengths. In the verse, she’s humbly apologetic for anything she did to contribute to the breakdown of the relationship. When she does confidently acknowledge a superior ability, like running, she humbly points out that it’s not important. In the chorus, she goes pretty much all confidence, which I think is great. It sounds like the guy deserves it for being petty and insecure.
Listening to this song got me thinking about how a combination of humility AND confidence is needed for personal growth. Without humility, we become arrogant and unaware of our weak spots. Without confidence, we lack the necessary belief in our own value and ability to achieve our self-improvement goals. But with the right balance, we can have both the humility we need to acknowledge and work on our growth edges while also having the confidence to enjoy and build on our strengths.
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Jesus was the perfect example of walking this tightrope. Whether or not you believe in his divinity, this man clearly lived a very humble life, embracing poverty (Matthew 8:20), rejecting power (John 6:15), and shunning popularity (Matthew 9:30). At the same time, he showed utter confidence in who he was (Matthew 26:59-64) and in his abilities (Luke 17:24). The Bible sums up Jesus’ humble confidence in Philippians 2:5-8: “You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had: though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.”
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Humble confidence really comes down to being comfortable in your own skin. Believing in your inherent self worth. That you are valuable. Flawed and in need of development, yes, but also good and worthy of the investment of time, energy, and attention. In short, you must believe you’re worthy of love. Love from yourself, love from others, and love from God (1 John 4:9-10).
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So which side of the humble confidence blend do you need to work on? If it’s humility, apologize for your mistakes. Admit your weaknesses. Ask others with strengths in those areas for advice. Commit yourself to practices that will help you grow. If it’s confidence, look honestly at your gifts and achievements. Surround yourself with encouraging people. Read books that remind you of your inherent self worth. Speak positively about yourself and your abilities. Wherever you fall on this spectrum, practice being humbly confident. If you do, you’ll take another great step toward Becoming Yourself.