Developing a Better You

Tag: moving stress

“Receive Mode”: An Easy, 10-Minute Practice for Guidance and Stress Relief

It’s been almost exactly a year since we moved from our house in Phoenix, AZ to our apartment in Sacramento, CA. As I recently reflected back on that move, I was reminded of an important personal development tool that helped get me through that stressful season. I’m reposting what I wrote about the practice during that time in hopes that this will be helpful to you. Read on – stress relief and guidance are only 10 minutes away!

We’re moving to California, and I was feeling the stress. After months of going back and forth between our house in Arizona and an apartment in Sacramento where our son lives, we’ve decided to take the plunge. We’re trading a big home in the suburban desert for a smaller place in a tree-lined, walkable city.

It’s a big change for us, but we’re excited. Along with that excitement, however, comes stress. Moving to a new state after fourteen years in one place is a logistical challenge. Completing the planning, organizing, packing, cleaning, decluttering, and neglected home maintenance projects, all while keeping work and the normal responsibilities of life going, has been a struggle. A few days ago, I was succumbing to the pressure. My mind was whirling with all the things that needed to get done, and I was feeling moody, anxious, and overwhelmed. 

Then I remembered something I read in a book my accountability partner gave me, Thou Shall Prosper by Rabbi Daniel Lapin. The author talked about the value of regularly going into “receive mode,” where you stop striving or doing or planning or moving for ten minutes and put yourself in a position to hear something. Receive something. Gain some guidance. Some clarity. Some perspective. From God, from the world around you, or from the recesses of your own cluttered mind.

My honest thought in the moment was, “I don’t have time for that!” The irony was not lost on me. It is precisely for moments like this that the practice was developed. I realized I couldn’t afford NOT to do this. So I set a timer on my phone for ten minutes and lay down on the bed. I made myself breathe deeply and just let my mind wander. Gradually my swirling thoughts slowed, and I felt myself start to relax. I gently opened my mind to receive whatever God or my own brain chose to bring up. 

When the timer went off after ten minutes, an amazing thing had happened. I was calm. I wasn’t moody or anxious anymore. My perspective had been reset. My to-do list no longer seemed so overwhelming and had diminished to an appropriate level of importance. And most surprisingly, a clear plan for a more efficient way to accomplish the tasks ahead of me popped into my mind without effort.

This counterintuitive “receive mode” practice isn’t new. You may have heard the axiom “Don’t just do something, stand there” applied to long-term investing. Or the verse from the Bible that says, “Be still, and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10). Or your parents telling you, “Just sit still for a few minutes, and you’ll think of something to do,” when you complained of being bored as a kid. However you look at it, the effectiveness of this simple technique has stood the test of time.

So how about you? Are you feeling stressed or overwhelmed? Too much to do and too little time? Take a moment to pause. Go to your favorite chair. Lie on the bed. Sit under a tree. Embrace the silence. Breathe deeply. Let your thoughts wander. Listen to what God or the universe or your subconscious has to say. You may be surprised by what you hear. Invest just ten minutes of time to recenter, refocus, and refresh your mind by putting yourself in “receive mode.” If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

(originally posted September 2, 2018)

How to Motivate Yourself to Tackle Change: Focus on the Other Side

Here are two statements I think most of us would agree with:

  1. Personal growth requires change.
  2. Change is hard.

That’s often the biggest hurdle, isn’t it? Almost everyone wants to be a better person (however you chose to define “better”), but a far smaller percentage of people actually become better versions of themselves. There are many reasons for that, but the difficulty of change is a big one.

So how do we motivate ourselves to tackle change? How do we get over the hump and get on with the “business of becoming”? There are a lot of answers to that question, but here’s one that’s helped me:

Focus on the other side.

What do I mean? Simply this – break through the change barrier to a personal growth goal by focusing on how good you’ll feel when you reach it.

Let’s break that down into 4 simple steps:

  1. Define your goal
  2. Make a plan
  3. Do the work
  4. Enjoy the results!

I’m living in a #4 season right now. I’m enjoying the results of big changes that I’ve tackled over the past couple of years in order to achieve two major personal growth goals: having a new life-style and starting a new career.

Here’s example #1: After my wife Lisa and I became empty nesters a few years ago, we decided that we were tired of living in a too big, maintenance-heavy house in the suburbs of Phoenix, Arizona. We had stayed multiple times in AirBnBs in midtown Sacramento, California while visiting our son and loved the mature trees, climate, and walkability of the city. So we decided to make a big change – sell both cars and most of our possessions, rent out our AZ house, and move to an apartment in Sacramento. 

As anyone who has moved out of state knows, it’s a lot of work. It takes planning and persistent effort over a long period of time before you feel settled in your new place. But we started with a clear goal in mind, made a plan, and plugged away at it. It’s taken about five months of consistent effort, but we did it. Our possessions are all sold, our house is rented, we have new medical insurance in place, our address is changed in about a hundred places, and we’re settled in our new apartment. And we love it! We walk everywhere, spend more time with our son, and have much more maintenance-free discretionary time. It’s so good on the other side of change!

View from the balcony of our new apartment

Here’s example #2: Ever since I was a kid, I dreamed of being a writer. For a variety of reasons, I chose a different path and enjoyed a wonderful and meaningful twenty-five year career in music, mostly as a music pastor in various churches. Over the last few years, I started feeling tired. I still believed in what I was doing, but my passion was waning. At the same time, I felt a renewed itch to write. With our kids out on their own and my wife Lisa McMann being a successful writer herself, I had the opportunity to make a big career change.

Over a two year span, I worked at gradually winding down my music career as I ramped up my writing. In addition to this blog, I am busy writing fantasy adventure novels for children. I’ve been picked up by an amazing literary agent who is currently shopping my first book to publishers. I’m a long way from being established in this field, but I feel energized again, and I’m loving my new life as a writer. It was scary to leave an established, successful career that I was comfortable in, but once again, it’s so good on the other side of change!

So how about you? What changes do you need to make in order to have the life you really want? To become who you really want to be? Is it taking control of your health or finishing your degree? Maybe it’s an addiction you need to break or a relationship that you know needs attention. It could be as simple as getting more organized or decluttering your home. Be the change large or small, short term or long term, mental or physical, emotional or spiritual, break through the change barrier by walking through the personal growth steps. Define your goal. Make a plan. Do the work. And each step of the way, focus on how good you’ll feel on the other side of change! If you do, you’ll take a huge step toward Becoming Yourself.

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