Developing a Better You

Tag: personal development (Page 1 of 81)

Finding Stability in Turbulent Times

It was an impressive sight.

The howling wind whipped the Pacific into a roiling mass of white-capped waves, sending our cruise ship lurching. Despite the warm temperature, I sat on our balcony wrapped in a coat to shield myself from the ocean spray and took in Nature’s powerful display.

The water’s ever-shifting surface seemed an apt analogy for the world today. Crashing financial markets. Natural disasters fueled by climate change. Political division. Social unrest. It feels like the world itself is moving beneath our feet.

It’s normal for humans to crave a certain level of security. Where do we look for stability, for solid ground, for a steady place to plant our feet? There are many options—our careers, our physical health, our social status, our relationships, our wealth, our hobbies. But if the current state of the world shows us anything, it’s that all of those things are changeable. Jobs are lost to downsizing or retirement. Finances decline. Societal tastes change. Loved ones leave us. Unexpected illnesses strike.

One of the unique aspects of faith is that it attempts to provide a more stable option for security in life, one that is not at the mercy of the winds of fate. Does that make the claims of faith true? Not at all. Is it possible to prove a Higher Power exists? No. While there are rational arguments for the existence of God (like the existence of the universe, the fine-tuning of the universe, the existence of moral law, along with their counter arguments), none of them are conclusive.

Yet I believe. I’m a person of faith based on a combination of intellectual arguments that I find compelling and a lifetime of subjective personal experiences. My personal beliefs have evolved far beyond my evangelical Christian upbringing to embrace the validity of other religions, people from every creed, orientation, and gender identity, and to reject the existence of hell. I believe we all were born of God’s love, live in God’s love, and will return to God’s love at death, belief not required.

Are there problems with my faith system? Absolutely. Are there short-comings with every other worldview? Yes. In a sea of imperfect choices, my faith is where I find my ultimate security, my stable foundation in an unstable world. Is everything I believe true? I don’t know. I could be wrong. But it gives me a level of hope, peace, love, meaning and security that I haven’t found anywhere else. That gives me comfort in stormy seas.

Where do you find your security? I’m in no way saying it needs to resemble mine. Consider your options. Find something that works for you. Choose well. Place your trust in something worthy of the incredible person you are. If you do, you’ll find stability in turbulent times, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Find Peace with Let Them Come, Let Them Be, Let Them Go

Something about this quote caught my heart:

Let them come, let them be, let them go.

culadasa

It stirred a longing, a wistful feeling, a thinly veiled desire. It rang true. But what does it mean? 

One of the strengths of this quote is that it’s open to interpretation. Different people can find different meanings. For me, I realized it outlines a peaceful life, free from the fear of what may come, of what I’ll experience, and of what I might lose. I long for a life like that, to know that kind of relief and freedom on a daily basis. 

So how can I become a peaceful, mature, content person who lets things come, be and go? How can I live with open hands?

Photo by Lina Trochez on Unsplash

I need to embrace new ideas, new people, and new experiences. I must let them come, even when they challenge my comfort zone and my established thinking. And once they are there, I must let them be, appreciating and enjoying them for who and what they are without feeling the need to change them. I need to be open to what they have to teach. At the same time, I must be willing to let them go when they have run their course, served their purpose, finished their season (you can read my post on when to let go of a relationship here).

Most of us naturally struggle with some of these traits while gravitating toward others. As a routine-loving person with a slightly timid nature, I struggle to let them come. Diving into new experiences is scary for me. I’d also put let them go in the growth edge column. I tend to take too long to realize a once-cherished routine, activity or relationship has run its course. On the plus side, I’m usually comfortable with let them be

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Which of these three ways of living comes easiest to you? Which is your biggest struggle? What are you resisting allowing to come into your life? What’s already in your life that you feel the unnecessary need to “fix”? What are you struggling to let go of? Breath deep. Be honest. Open your metaphorical hands to people, ideas and experiences. Let them come. Let them be. Let them go. If you do, you’ll find greater peace and contentment, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published May 7, 2022.

Finding a “Still Water” Mind

It’s been a turbulent month. 

An exhausting week of author school visits capped by a bookstore event. A long-delayed layover flight that got my wife and I to our destination at 4:00 am. Caring for my dad as he recovers from knee replacement surgery. Helping Lisa’s elderly mom. Getting smacked hard by norovirus. An unexpected death in the family with corresponding funeral events.

Now that the storms have receded and a vague sense of normalcy has returned, I sit down to write this week’s personal development post only to find I have nothing to say. My gut feels empty, and my mind cluttered. That spark of an idea, sharpness of insight, or poignant life-lesson is missing.

Me while writing this post

As I write this, I’m sitting in my old bedroom at my Dad’s house staring out at the back woods, waiting for inspiration that isn’t coming.

Grasping at straws, I look through a seldom-used folder of blog ideas on my desktop and find a quote from a book I’m reading, Your True Home: The Everyday Wisdom of Thich Nhat Hanh, by the great Buddhist teacher. It seems especially fitting for my state of mind:

“Have you ever seen yourself in a mirror that distorts the image? Your face is long, your eyes are huge, and your legs are really short. Don’t be like that mirror. It is better to be like the still water on the mountain lake. We often do not reflect things clearly, and we suffer because of our wrong perceptions. When we see things or listen to other people, we often don’t see clearly or really listen. We see and hear our projections and our prejudices.

We need to make our water still if we want to receive reality as it is. If you feel agitated, don’t do or say anything. Just breathe in and out until you are calm enough. Then ask your friend to repeat what he has said. This will avoid a lot of damage. Stillness is the foundation of understanding and insight. Stillness is strength.” (p. 117, Still Water)

I’m trying to regain that stillness. My external circumstances have calmed, but my mind remains a tempest. I take a deep breath. Walk the dirt road at the end of Dad’s long, winding driveway. Let the silence sink into my bones.

Waves still disturb the surface of my mind, but the wind is lessening. Stillness is coming. For now, I’ll wait and trust.

Are you in a turbulent season? Acknowledge reality. Embrace your feelings. Step away from what you can. Endure what you must. Breathe deep. Take a walk. Soak in silence. Trust that stillness is coming. If you do, you’ll soon find a measure of peace, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Text excerpt from Your True Home: The Everyday Wisdom of Thich Nhat Hanh published by Shambhala 2011, p 117

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