Developing a Better You

Tag: personal development (Page 2 of 77)

Do What Makes You Come Alive

As I’m currently on book tour, I thought this would be an appropriate post to reshare. It was originally published July 15, 2023. I may be in your area this week and would love to meet you! If interested, check the details at the end of this post.

I struggle with my dream job of being an author.

I don’t mean struggling with the deadlines, the overwhelming edits, the endless marketing efforts, or the career’s inherent financial uncertainty (though those are all painfully real). I mean struggling with the “impractical” nature of writing fun spooky books for a living. With so much suffering in the world, is this really how I should be spending my limited time and energy?

Then I remember what these types of books meant to me as a child. I was a scared kid, afraid of almost everything—the dark, bullies, the woods, the basement. But I loved spooky stories. They allowed me to experience fear in a safe, fun way. And when I saw the characters in these stories face their fears, it gave me the courage to face my own.

As an adult, the impact of stories on me has not lessened. I’m grateful everyday for the bit of escape, of relief, of inspiration, of enlightenment, of recharging that diving into a well-written book or show provides. Stories help me grow and face life with a better attitude and focus.

One of my goals as an author is help kids fall in love with reading, because reading leads to greater understanding, compassion, and empathy for others. I believe those are beneficial traits to develop, especially in our divided world.

Lastly, writing stories and sharing them with others makes me come alive like nothing else. If philosopher, theologian, and civil rights leader Howard Thurman was right, that’s a good sign I’m where I belong:

Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

howard thurman

What do you love? What makes you come alive? Cooking? Cycling? Wood-working? Designing? Dancing? Working in a food pantry? Find it. Do it. Share it with others. If you do, you’ll help yourself and the world, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

SPECIAL NOTE: I’ll be on book tour with my author wife Lisa McMann from Oct 11-26, 2024 with events in Arizona, Pennsylvania, Michigan, Colorado, and Texas. I’d love to meet you! For details, see the graphic below or visit my website HERE.

Use Autumn to Reflect

There’s something special about autumn.

The crisp air. The vibrant purple, red, and gold leaves. A steaming cup of tea. A crackling fire. An artful display of pumpkins, cornstalks, and apples.

Autumn has been my favorite season since childhood. Now that the calendar has flipped to October, I’ve been thinking about why I enjoy this time of year so much.

There’s a preciousness to fall that heightens its delights. I know these magical days are fleeting. The long lazy days of summer are over and the cold dark winter lies ahead. It makes me want to savor this season.

Autumn is a time of reflection. Its transitional nature encourages me to ponder my life. What seasons have come and gone? Which has most recently waned and which one awaits? Where do I find myself now?

The last year an a half has been a time of intense change in my career, family, and way of living (I wrote about those changes here). The current season for my wife Lisa and me is dominated by adapting to our new nomadic lifestyle. Three months ago, we finished selling our condo, our rental houses, and almost all our possessions. We now live in hotels, AirBnbs, and with friends and family throughout the US, and we’ll soon be heading abroad. 

At times I wonder if we’re crazy. This way of life is so different than anything we’ve done before, and the challenges are real. But overall, we’re loving the freedom, spontaneity, variety, and relational connections that nomadic life provides. In the frustrating times, I think of how proud I am of us for taking the leap into this dream we’ve had for so long, and remind myself we can always plant roots again if we choose.

What reflections is this autumn season stirring in you? Take time to ponder. Wander a wood, a park, a lane. Look back on the seasons of your life. Observe honestly where you are now. Gaze at what lies ahead. Practice gratitude for it all. Let the insights you gain guide your path. If you do, you’ll experience a deep joy this autumn, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself. 

A Simple Way to Help a Loved One in Pain

I’m a fixer.

In response to a frustration, hurt, or problem in a loved one’s life, my first instinct is to fix it. To solve it. To make it go away.

But for some of the deepest struggles in life, there is no fix. No solve. No solution. There is only acceptance. Endurance. Embracing. Sharing. Supporting. This is where real love and true friendship are shown. 

When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not-knowing, not-curing, not-healing, and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is the friend who cares.

henri nouwen

When a friend is struggling, it gives me hope knowing I don’t have to have sage advice or just the right words of comfort. What matters most is my willingness to walk the dark road beside them.

So when a loved one is in pain, simply show up. Be there. Embrace the silence. Admit that you don’t know what you don’t know. If you do, you’ll provide a deep comfort, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published July 8, 2023.

From the June 23, 2023 daily mediation from The Henri Nouwen Society

Text excerpts taken from “You are the Beloved” by Henri J.M. Nouwen © 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust. Published by Convergent Books.

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