Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Tag: personal development (Page 3 of 80)

How to Achieve Your Goals Using Reflection

January 4, 2025 / / 0 Comments

I don’t like New Year’s Resolutions.

They tend to seem forced, make me feel guilty, and I usually fail at keeping them. That said, I’m dedicated to personal development and to carving out the life I really want. That requires reflection. If I don’t look back on where I’ve been, how will I know if I’m closer to where I want to go? 

The start of a new year lends itself to personal reflection. Here are some significant events that stood out as I ruminated on 2024:

1. My mom passed away after a bad fall that she couldn’t recover from.

2. I published two books, numbers four and five in my spooky middle grade monster mystery series MONSTERIOUS (Penguin Random House).

3. I went on two national book tours, appeared at three book festivals, and hung out with one of my literary heroes, Goosebumps author R L Stine.

4. I had two different book projects rejected, ones that I pitched to my editor as a follow up to MONSTERIOUS.

5. My wife Lisa and I sold three houses, most of our possessions, and transitioned to living nomadically.

6. We traveled to eight countries, taking our nomadic experiment international.

7. I shockingly became a USA Today best-selling author on Christmas Day when my first book hit the list a year and a half after its publication.

Here are some insights I gained from that reflection:

 1. I went through some hard things

The death of my mom, the gut-punch of multiple book rejections, the grind of selling three properties, and the difficult transition to nomadic living took a lot out of me physically and emotionally. I realized I need to rest, be kind to myself, and give myself grace.

 2. I accomplished a lot

In the busyness of daily living, significant accomplishments can quickly get lost. Listing them reminded me of how far I’ve come in my personal and professional life. When those victories arrive, I need to take time to celebrate them, something I’m not good at.

 3. I’m going in the right direction

I came into 2024 wanting to push my writing career forward, find freedom through nomadic living, travel, and spend more time with people I love. I was surprised to realize how much ground I’d gained on those goals this past year. It was a lot of hard work and intentionality, but the results are incredibly gratifying. My life now looks close to what I’d set out to make it. 

As you reflect on the past year, what significant milestones stand out? What do those markers say about your progress  toward your goals? Does your life more closely mirror your preferred vision for it than it did a year ago?

Ask yourself these hard questions. Be brutally honest. Give yourself grace for the hard things you’ve endured. Lavishly celebrate your accomplishments. Take comfort in the progress you’ve made. Course correct as needed. If you do, you’ll have a more meaningful and enjoyable life, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

The Shocking Benefits of Not Giving Up on Your Dream

December 28, 2024 / / 0 Comments

I was in utter shock.

On Christmas day, I got an email from a fellow author friend saying congratulations. I was confused—congratulations for what? Then I read on, seeing the words “USA Today” and a screenshot of my book cover with a number next to it. 

No. That wasn’t possible.

I quickly did an online search for the latest USA Today bestselling books list. There was my book. My book that came out a year and a half ago. Inexplicably, Escape from Grimstone Manor (Monsterious #1) was now a national bestseller.

Most people have heard of the New York Times bestseller list. The USA Today list is of a similar stature (some think it’s less prestigious, some think it’s more). The tough thing about hitting the NYT list is that there are only 10 slots per list per week, but there are multiple lists in a number of very specific categories (ex: one list for the week’s top selling middle grade fiction, another for picture books, another for young adult, various lists for non-fiction, etc.)

The weekly USA Today bestseller list has 150 slots, but it’s a single list for sales of ALL books in the country in all age categories—fiction, non-fiction, cookbooks, celebrity memoirs, self-help, adult, YA, middle grade, picture books, etc. My spooky middle grade book is on the same list as Cher’s memoir and Snoop Dog’s cookbook.

So why am I telling you this? 

A month ago, I wrote a post called “A Dream Derailed” (you can read it here) where I shared how I felt like my writing career had hit the skids. Disappointing book sales. Multiple rejections of proposed next projects. I wrote of how deflated and humbled I felt. But I also said that my dream of a sustained author career was worth fighting for, and I was going to keep struggling forward. 

I had NO idea that a mere four weeks later, I would be a USA Today bestselling author, something I never thought I’d accomplish in my lifetime. (BONUS: If you want to see me blathering incoherently in my shock, check out my Instagram reel here.)

How’s the journey toward your dream going? Are you driving over a teeth-rattling string of potholes? Does the bridge ahead appear washed away? If so, pause. Take a cleansing breath. Acknowledge the pain, the disappointment, the frustration, the exhaustion. Then ask yourself this question—is your dream still worth it? Even if you fail? Will all the blood, sweat, and tears be worthwhile?

As you ponder that question, remember that often the journey is the destination. That it’s less about what you achieve and more about who you become along the way.

Dreams are not for the faint of heart. They aren’t guaranteed. You may never reach your promised land. But dreams make life worth living. Choose a worthy one. Create a plan. Take the first step, then the next. When you fall, get back up and keep moving. If you do, an unexpected breakthrough may be just around the corner as you take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Serve or Play? A Tension to Be Managed

December 21, 2024 / / 2 Comments

I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.

E. B. White, author of Charlotte’s Web

I’m an incredibly privileged person. 

I’m married to my best friend. I have two awesome adult kids and small group of close friends. I’m fairly healthy, especially for age fifty-five. I have my dream job of being an author and the freedom to travel the world while I work.

Those are wonderful gifts that I’m incredibly grateful for. That said, I’ve found the flip side of all that goodness is guilt. Why do I have this great life when so many are struggling? Should I give away all my money and work in a homeless shelter? What is my part in alleviating suffering in the world? 

It’s true that I’ve worked hard to get where I am. I’ve made sacrifices. Gave my best to establish a good marriage and raise my kids well. Struggled to develop my skills in multiple creative careers. Studied finance and investing. Practiced delayed gratification.

But I’ve also been wildly fortunate. I’ve been given talents and opportunities that I did nothing to earn. I’ve had my fair share of difficulties and pain, but I’ve also dodged countless misfortunes that have plagued others who didn’t deserve them.

So how should I balance my enjoyment of life with helping others?

The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.

Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking: A Seeker’s ABC

It’s sometimes tempting to throw myself into some noble cause just so I don’t feel guilty anymore. But I’ve tried that, and it didn’t work out well. I’ve given lots of money, worked with AIDs orphans in Zambia, served in multiple food pantries, donated many pints of blood, given food and clothing to people I’ve met on the street. Those are great and worthwhile things, and I’m glad I’ve done them. But none of them felt like me. 

My first career of twenty-six years was spent in various churches, helping people as best I could by leading music and teaching. For that season, it felt right, like I was where I was supposed to be. Since I transitioned to writing about seven years ago, I’ve had the same feeling of rightness, that I’m where I belong.

But I still struggle. Am I doing enough? While I do a few other small charitable endeavors, writing is my main focus. The Buechner quote above reminds me that doing what I love IS serving. That sharing my hard-won lessons in this blog does make the path a little easier for some. That helping kids discover a love of reading through my books really matters. That sharing the freedom my wife and I have found through letting go of possessions and living nomadically is a helpful perspective. 

…there are always problems to be solved and tensions to be managed. When you try to solve a tension, you create a problem.

Andy Stanley, author and speaker

I much prefer solving problems, but that Stanley quote reminds me that life is full of unavoidable tensions, especially if you’re a caring person with a personal development bent. The balance between serving others and enjoying life is one of those never-ending tensions.

So where do I land on this issue? We all have blessings. We all have obligations. We should all help others. We should all have fun. What’s the proper balance between serving and enjoying life? I have no idea. It seems to shift from season to season. In the end, I believe it’s something each of us needs to decide for ourselves.

Think of what you enjoy doing, what you love. Reflect on your passions, hobbies, areas of interest. Dive into those things. Savor the enjoyment they bring you. Look for ways those gifts and experiences can help others. If you do, you’ll manage the tension between serving and enjoying life, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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