Developing a Better You

Tag: personal development (Page 44 of 77)

Mystery Castle: Turn Your Annoyance into Passion

In the rugged desert outside of Phoenix Arizona stands a castle.

This unusual structure was built by an unusual man. In the early 1920s, Boyce Gully was diagnosed with tuberculosis and given two months to live. He chose to face his impending death by running away. Without telling his wife and daughter of his diagnosis or his departure, Boyce left Seattle and moved to a desolate plot of land outside the then fledgling town of Phoenix.

Current day view of downtown Phoenix from Mystery Castle

Possibly aided by the desert climate, Boyce did not die in two months. Realizing he was feeling better, he decided to spend whatever time he had remaining building a fairy tale castle for the young daughter he’d left behind. Over the next twenty-odd years, Boyce scavenged rail yards and construction sites, hotel auctions and trash heaps, and used the random collection of materials to build his castle. Skylights made from old glass bakeware supplemented the natural light brought in from circular windows made from repurposed car tire rims.

In 1945, Bryce’s wife and daughter, Mary Lou, still living in Seattle, received surprising news from the man’s lawyer. Bryce had just died and left them a castle. The astonished women made the trip to Phoenix to see the property. The lawyer showed them one particularly unusual spot – a locked trap door in the floor of one of the rooms. Another surprise followed – Bryce’s will stipulated that his wife and daughter must live in the castle for two years before his lawyer would be allowed to use the only key to open the strange locker.

Showing strong wills and adventurous spirits, the women agreed. Over the two years, they fell in love with their desert retreat. On the day set for the opening of the mysterious compartment, Life magazine showed up to cover the event. When the lid was pulled back, the women discovered cash, gold, Bryce’s journals, and letters to them explaining what he’d done and why. The story about the “Mystery Castle” made the cover of Life in January 1948.

Soon after, strangers, intrigued by the story, began showing up on the property. Tired of continually running off the curious crowds, Bryce’s widow and Mary Lou tried to stem the tide by sticking a sign out front requiring a paid admission. Undeterred, people opened their wallets and asked to see the place. The women started providing regular paid tours and found that they actually loved showing off their Mystery Castle. Mary Lou gave tours until her death in 2010, and a foundation she established continues the tradition to this day.

As I wandered Mystery Castle on a recent tour, I was struck not just by the odd story and the unique architecture, but by the tenacity and cleverness of these amazing women. Not only were they willing to embrace a radical life change brought about by a man who’d abandoned them, but they took a severe nuisance – the uninvited crowds – and turned it into a positive. In doing so, they not only created an unexpected income stream but discovered an unexpected passion – sharing their fascinating home and story with others.

I drove away challenged by their resourcefulness. How can I take annoyances in my own life and flip them on their head? Turn them into a positive? What might I discover about myself if I do? The loud music from the outdoor bar down the street can be an opportunity to dance in our living room. The grit-my-teeth chore of cleaning our condo can be made almost enjoyable when doing it while listening to a favorite audio book. Stuck-in-traffic moments can be a chance for my wife and I to plan our next travel adventure.

How about you? What annoyances do you have in your life? Can you think of ways to flip them to a positive? Get creative. Think outside the box. Choose a different mindset. If you do, you might be surprised at what you discover, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

The Secret to a Secure Identity? Letting Go

Dear God, I am so afraid to open my clenched fists! Who will I be when I have nothing left to hold on to? Who will I be when I stand before you with empty hands? Please help me to gradually open my hands and to discover that I am not what I own, but what you want to give me. And what you want to give me is love—unconditional, everlasting love. Amen.

Henri Nouwen (professor, author, theologian, 1932-1996)

Regardless of where we place ourselves on the spiritual spectrum, I believe this quote has something to teach us about identity.

There was a reason Henri Nouwen prayed those words so fervently. After nearly twenty years as a professor at Notre Dame, Yale and Harvard, Henri walked away from his lauded position in academia to work with mentally and developmentally challenged adults. His choice to step out of the spotlight forced him to wrestle with his true sense of identity.

I can relate to that struggle. I went through a similar, though far less noble, transition in my own life which led me to the same place (I wrote about that story here). With that in mind, three lessons stand out to me from Henri’s words:

1. We have a natural tendency to base our identity on things outside ourselves. A title. A position. A career. Money. A relationship. A talent. We clutch them in tight fists, fearful that if they slip away, as Henri asked, who will we be when we stand with empty hands? If I’m no longer a parent, a teacher, a musician, a business owner, a spouse, a ‘fill-in-the-blank’, then who am I?

2. This tendency is a barrier to our growth, hindering us from experiencing the life we truly desire. When we base our identity, consciously or unconsciously, on temporary, fragile things, we often live with a continual low-grade anxiety over losing them. It erodes our sense of peace, contentment, and security, and can lead to unhealthy levels of attachment. We’ve all seen examples of parents whose entire lives revolve around their child, to the detriment of both. Workaholics who live for climbing that next rung on the ladder of success. Even volunteers who, with false modesty, base their identity on the recognition they receive for their service to others. When we take what is meant to be a good segment of our lives and make it the foundation of our identity, we’re in trouble. We’re asking these things to carry a load they were never meant to bear.

3. When we courageously choose to open our hands and let go, we can find freedom, security and deep contentment. Naming and releasing things we’ve used to prop up our ego for years is not easy. But when replaced by something better, the process can yield amazing results. The source of those positive benefits depends on what you believe and where you choose to anchor yourself. Like Henri did, I find my deepest identity in being God’s child and in God’s unconditional love for me. For you, it may be in yourself or in a relationship or in the harmony of the Universe or in something else. Whatever your “it” is, make sure it’s something secure, unshakable, and worthy of being the foundation of your life.

So how about you? Have you gone through a crisis of identity? Are you in one now? Be honest about what you may be holding too tightly. Search sincerely for something you can truly believe in. Let go of life’s fragile things and trust that your secure foundation will catch you. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Choose Your Post-Pandemic Life Well

Covid-19 has been a thief.

It has stolen precious lives, careers, businesses, dreams, and experiences.

But it has also given a rare gift.

As vaccinations allow us to slowly return to some degree of normalcy, we have a unique opportunity to choose our post-pandemic lives. After all the stripping away, we can thoughtfully and intentionally decide what we reintroduce into our lives. Rather than running blindly back to our pre-pandemic schedules, routines, and commitments, pause. Consider what the last year of disruption and isolation has taught you about yourself. Who are you really? What are you truly passionate about? What do you actually miss?

These opportunities don’t come along too often, at least not with this level of clarity. Examine your relationships, your hobbies, your commitments, your work. Is there an unhealthy friendship you could choose not to renew? If you enjoyed working from home, could you continue even when the office life returns? Is there a former board, a committee, or an organization that needs to stay in your past? Have you found a new hobby or passion area during the pandemic that you need to save space for moving forward?

In our eagerness to reengage with the world, it will be easy to fill our schedules. Remember that saying yes to one thing often means saying no to everything else. Choose wisely. The coronavirus has taken so much away—seize the rare opportunity it has given to rebuild a better life, schedule, calendar, routine, and relational world. One that’s life-giving. More true to who you really are. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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