Now that I am fully vaccinated, I’ve started reintroducing some normal activities that I’d put on pause during the COVID-19 pandemic – eating in restaurants, getting together with vaccinated friends, volunteering, going to the doctor and dentist, etc. It feels wonderful to engage with the world again.
It also feels exhausting. I find myself physically and emotionally drained after coming home from simple activities that I breezed through in the past. I’ve had to face the reality that extended time in isolation has left my “social engagement muscles” weak and atrophied. I’m simply not used to the crowds and stimulation.
After being so eager for so long to do exactly what I’m doing, that’s a hard admission for me. I don’t want to be that way. But I am. Like an athlete coming back from an injury, it’s going to take some time for me to rebuild the stamina that I’ve lost.
I’m working on giving myself time. Grace. Patience. It took awhile to get to this point, and it will take awhile to return from it. But it will come. My strength will return. In the meantime, the best thing I can do is be kind to myself.
So how about you? As the world shifts slowly back toward a degree of normalcy, how are you feeling? How have you changed? Whatever your answer to those questions, it’s okay. This last year has been unlike anything most of us have ever faced. None of us are coming out unscathed. We all need to heal and rebuild our strength in one way or another. Give yourself time and grace. Be kind to yourself and to others, who are likely in the same boat. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
The woods behind my parents house where I used to explore
Now that both my parents and I are fully vaccinated, I’m heading to see them for the first time in almost a year and a half. My upcoming trip reminded me of a piece I originally posted in January of 2020, before the pandemic really took hold. The lessons I learned then have new things to teach me as we begin to move toward this post-coronavirus season. I hope they help you on your way to Becoming Yourself.
I traveled back to my Michigan hometown over the holidays to visit family. Slept in my childhood bedroom at my parents house. Watched the sun set behind the woods where I used to play. Drove past my old elementary school and the house where I was born. Had lunch with my best friend from high school whom I hadn’t seen in twenty-five years.
My elementary school
I’ve gone through a lot of changes since I moved away for good twenty-nine years ago. I’ve graduated college, gotten married, raised two kids, lived in three different cities in two other states, retired from one career and started another.
Going back to where I grew up always brings a strange mix of emotions, a sense of both deep familiarity yet utter foreignness at the same time. Nearly thirty years of life experiences have changed me. I’m not the same person anymore. I had the melancholy realization that in some sense, I truly can’t go home again.
The driveway where my dad taught me to play basketball
I find that many things that used to serve me well there are no longer helpful. Certain relationships, rituals, and activities have run their course, completed their formative work. It’s time to let them go. To move on. There are people I no longer need to see, books I no longer need to read, places I no longer need to visit. In order to progress on my personal development journey, these are the parts of my past I need to release.
Other pieces of my past can still aid in my growth. Things I’ve forgotten or let drift away in the busyness of life. Like reconnecting with Gary, my high school best friend. After twenty-five years, I’m not sure what made me track down his contact info and invite him to lunch while I was in town, but I’m so glad I did. Reminiscing with him about all that we’d experienced together in those formative years and sharing the paths our adult lives had taken energized my soul. It reminded me of who I was then in a way that helped me understand who I am now and clarify who I want to become. This is a part of my past that I can reclaim.
The woods behind my parents house where I used to explore
So how about you? What parts of your past do you need to let go of? What relationships or habits or memories are dragging you down, serving only as unwanted anchors, unhealthy reminders of who you were? Release them. What parts of your past do you need to reconnect with, good aspects that you’ve forgotten, things that can deepen and strengthen and stabilize your present? Which relationships or habits or memories can serve as anchoring roots enabling you to grow higher and farther in the future? Reclaim them. If you do, you’ll find peace with your past and take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
On a recent nighttime stroll, I stood with my back to the building and looked up at wall sloping out over my head.
To my surprise, I slowly started leaning forward from my ankles to the point where I had to catch my balance. It was completely subconscious. Experimentally, I righted myself and looked up again. The same experience occurred, as if an invisible hand was pulling me forward while my feet remained planted. I realized the unusual slope of the wall above me was tricking my perspective, forcing my brain to compensate by leaning my body to match the angle.
It got me thinking about the power of perspective. A false perspective can fool our minds, manipulating us in ways far more subtle than I experienced with the pyramid. It can lead us to adopt beliefs that aren’t true because they’re based on poor data. This highlights the importance of being committed to facts and truth. Inaccurate perspectives – about ourselves, others, and the world – can have a dramatically negative impact on our quality of life and on the lives of those around us. They can make us angry, jealous, arrogant, entitled, depressed, the list goes on.
So how do we find and maintain an accurate perspective? Here are some suggestions:
Be aware of your tendency to have a false perspective. It’s not just you. It happens to all of us.
Seek out and consider a variety of perspectives from reputable sources. Read, watch, and listen to people who see the world differently than you.
Accept truth even if it means changing your perspective. Burying your head in the sand when you discover facts you don’t like just makes your head dirty.
Practice a daily refocusing habit – meditation, podcasts, prayer, reading, etc. Something that realigns your perspective and gets you back on course from your inevitable drift. I have a morning routine of meditation, prayer, and spiritual reading that I find hugely helpful.
Where to Begin
If you’re wondering where to begin, start by examining your current worldview, the foundational way you perceive life, others, and yourself. What lens do you look through to see the world? What ground do you stand on? We all ground ourselves somewhere and believe in something, whether we acknowledge it or not. It could be in yourself, another person, your career, financial stability, pursing pleasure, helping others, etc. Personally, I find my deepest grounding in my relationship with God. Not in the trappings of any one religion per se, but in God Herself. What grounds us is foundational to our sense of identity and informs our biases, both of which significantly impact our perspective (for more info, see my posts on Identity and Biases).
Examining your perspective choices can bring further clarity. Do you see the glass as half-full or half-empty? Are you an optimist or a pessimist? Do you see yourself as a victim or as being responsible for your own experience? I’m not lobbying for only the “right” answer here – optimism needs to be balanced with realism and personal responsibility balanced with acknowledging your trauma. The trick is not to get trapped on the dark side of the equation and let it control your perspective.
So how about you? How do you perceive yourself? Others? The world? Where might “slanted walls” be throwing off your perspective? Keep your radar up. Consider different points of view. Be willing to change your perspective. Adopt a regular refocusing habit. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
