Developing a Better You

Tag: personal development (Page 47 of 77)

Need More Joy and Motivation? Celebrate Your Milestones

It brought tears to my eyes.

I recently watched my wife Lisa McMann, a New York Times bestselling author of twenty-six books, appear at a virtual launch party to celebrate the publication of the fourteenth and final book in her fantasy series The Unwanteds. The event was a wonderful way for Lisa to say goodbye to the characters and world she created and had lived in for so long. It was fitting that the focus was not only on the work that she’d done, but on the positive impact her efforts have had on so many.

Both verbally and in the chat, fans shared what the series has meant to them over the last decade. Some spoke of being reluctant readers until falling in love with the books. Others shared how they deeply identified with the characters, whose success in fighting through their fictional problems gave the readers the courage to overcome real-life struggles. Some who were only kids when they started reading the series are now in college or married. Yet still they return, excited to read the final chapters of this beloved world that’s meant so much to them and brought them so much joy.

This experience reminded me of the importance of celebrating milestones. For those of us focused on personal development, it’s easy to always be striving toward the next goal, the next change, the next growth edge. But just as important is taking time to acknowledge and celebrate what we accomplish along the way. It gives us a helpful reminder of why we work so hard to become the best version of ourselves, and provides fresh motivation to climb the next hill.

What does that kind of celebration look like? It could be as grand as a trip to Paris or as simple as a few minutes of quiet reflection over a glass of wine. Different milestones call for different celebrations, based on how significant the accomplishment is to you and what you enjoy, regardless of what others may think is fitting.

For our 25th wedding anniversary, Lisa and I spent two weeks in Europe. It was a grand celebration for a grand milestone. When I completed my first novel, Lisa made us reservations at my favorite restaurant. When they asked if we were celebrating a special occasion, she told them I’d completed my book. When we arrived, I found printed across the top of the daily menu, “Congratulations Matt on your book!” I framed it in simple celebration of a personal milestone.

Have you reached any personal development milestones lately? Maybe you completed a thirty-day yoga class or jogged two miles or cut out soda. Maybe you finished a self-help book or completed a series of therapy sessions or repaired a broken relationship. Maybe you finished an online course or launched a new career or started a regular prayer time. Whatever the milestone, big or small, take time to celebrate your accomplishment. If you do, you’ll experience joy and find motivation for your journey, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

The Personal Growth Exercise You’ll LOVE Doing: Fill Your Life With Beauty

I was crying over the TV show Britain’s Got Talent. For those who know me that will come as no great surprise. I’m a sentimental sap. But from a pure talent perspective, the performance that turned on the water works was pretty poor. So why was I crying? Why was the audience going wild? Why did one of the normally stoic British judges break down and weep? Take a look for yourself…

Did that strike you the way it has so many others? I think the secret of this performance’s impact lies in this quote:

There are only two things that pierce the human heart. One is beauty. The other is affliction.

SImone Weil

We human beings are emotional creatures. We’re made to feel deeply. But the pressure and drudgery of daily living often flattens our “emotional experience” curves into a relatively narrow range. Bright colors fade to neutrals. Uncontrollable laughter becomes a bemused smile. Deep heartache becomes an ongoing sense of mild disappointment.

As Simone Weil observed, two things that can wrench the emotional limiters from our hearts are beauty and affliction. Affliction tends to come along with enough regularity on its own and, while it does tap into our deeper emotions, not many of us would choose to seek it out. So that leaves us with beauty.

Simply put, we need it. A lot of it. To experience the fullness of life that I believe we are meant for, we need heaps of beauty to compensate for the affliction that life brings our way. It needs to be planned for, worked at, chased after. The enjoyment of beauty must be prioritized, budgeted, and indulged in.

Author John Eldredge notes the uniqueness of beauty:

We need not fear indulging here. The experience of beauty is unique to all the other pleasures in this: there is no possessive quality to it. Just because you love the landscape doesn’t mean you have to acquire the real estate. Simply to behold the flower is enough; there is nothing in me that wants to consume it. Beauty is the closest thing we have to fullness without possessing on this side of eternity. It heralds the Great Restoration. Perhaps that is why it is so healing—beauty is pure gift. It helps us in our letting go.

John eldredge, “The journey of desire: searching for the life you’ve always dreamed of”

I think that’s why I was crying over a mediocre performance by a group of elementary children. Their sense of abandonment was inspiring. Their unbridled joy was contagious. Their teacher’s pride in and commitment to his students was moving. It all touched something deep inside of me that whispered, “This is how life is meant to be.” And in that, it was beautiful.

So how will you experience beauty today? Wander a park, stroll an art gallery, savor a gourmet meal, see a play, listen to music you love, read a great book, watch an artfully made film, have a deep conversation with a friend. Embrace beauty. Drink it in. Open your eyes, mind, and heart to beauty in her many forms. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published in May of 2019.

Pursuing Joy with a ‘Focus Word’

In my last post, I shared how I found my “focus word” for 2020 (you can read that story here).

This past week, I repeated the process for 2021. Instead of a single clear word, what came to mind as I listened was my recent Enneagram results. Enneagram is a personality profiling tool that’s very helpful in personal growth. I took the test over the holidays and found that I am a “One” type (you can take the free test here). As I continued to listen and reflect, I remembered reading that when Ones are developing in a healthy way, they become more spontaneous and joyful. The word “joyful” stood out to me. It stuck. It felt right. Here’s what I wrote after that listening prayer:

I asked God if She had a new focus word for me for the new year. I didn’t hear anything at first, but then my mind started reflecting on what I’d learned from my Enneagram test results reading I did yesterday. I’m a 1 with a 9 wing. When a 1 is healthy and growing, they move toward being more spontaneous and joyful like a healthy 7. The word joyful stuck out. At first I was skeptical. Joyful? Me? How can you MAKE yourself joyful or focus on being joyful? But something about it feels right. It sounds good. I’d like to be more joyful this year. I’m going to sit with it for a few days and ask for confirmation. Either way, it seems a healthy area of growth.

A recent experience made me feel like I’m on the right track. As I prepared to do my normal morning exercise of walking the stairs in my condo building, I glanced out the window at the large hill down the street. I decided to work on my spontaneity. Before I fell mindlessly into my habit, I told my wife Lisa that I was going to climb the hill. Well aware of my routine nature, she was surprised. I left before I could talk myself out of it.

View of the hill I climbed from our window

When I reached the top of the hill, I left the trail and explored a cave we had noticed from our condo. After descending, I took a different route on my way home and discovered a wonderful secluded walkway with several fountains. A few minutes later, I lingered beneath a huge tree whose canopy filled my vision as I gazed upward. I had forgotten how healing it can be to soak up nature, even right in the middle of the city. When I arrived home, I realized something wonderful – I felt joyful. My intentional spontaneity (which I realize is nearly an oxymoron) led me to joy.

What changes do you want for your life this year? Who would you like to be twelve months from now? Choose a focus word that captures that desire. Make it simple. Make it clear. Make it memorable. Recite it daily. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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