Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Tag: personal development (Page 6 of 86)

Are You Fighting AGAINST or Fighting FOR?

July 12, 2025 / / 0 Comments

Too often we think of fighting as “fighting against.” I have learned that when you “fight against” someone or some policy, that person or policy may actually be reinforced. Rather… we are called to fight for a vision that can be shared.

Simone Campbell

The above distinction struck home. 

As someone who wants to do my part to reduce suffering in the world, I realized that I often frame the struggle in terms of what I’m against vs what I’m for. I’m against people needlessly trapped by destructive habits. I’m against restricting rights for marginalized groups. I’m against unfair income inequality. Simone Campbell’s wise words made me reassess. What am I fighting for? How am I practically engaging in that fight in meaningful ways?

Here’s what I came up with:

1. I’m fighting for INDIVIDUAL healing by writing and sharing what I’m learning in this personal development blog. 

2. I’m fighting for CULTURAL healing by staying informed on important issues, voting my conscience, and advocating for others, especially marginalized groups (writing political leaders, attending rallies, etc).

3. I’m fighting for ECONOMIC healing by donating financially to organizations that effectively eradicate poverty like Heifer International. 

The reduction of suffering in the world is an issue I continually struggle with. As a straight, white, American male who is wealthy when compared to most of the world, I’m the epitome of privilege. I feel guilty at times—while some of my relatively comfortable life comes from hard work, wise choices, and practicing delayed gratification, much is the result of factors I had nothing to do with. In my desire to reduce suffering, thinking though what I’m fighting for is helpful.

What are you fighting for? What practical steps are you taking to influence that battle? Take a deep breath. Clear your mind. Clarify what you’re fighting for. Take an honest look at how you spend your time, energy, and money in that fight. If you do, you’ll find life-giving focus, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself. 

Simone Campbell, “The Shackles of Our Time,” ONEING 3, no. 1, Emancipation (2015): 38, 39. As shared in the July 5, 2025 Daily Meditation from the Center for Action and Contemplation (cac.org)

A Celtic Blessing to Lower Stress

June 28, 2025 / / 0 Comments

“Leave room in your garden for the fairies to dance.”

—attributed to artist James Temple

I honestly don’t know the original intent of this Celtic blessing, but the evocative invitation caught my attention. 

I’ve been stressed lately. The nomadic lifestyle my wife Lisa and I have been living for almost a year is wonderful and freeing, but it does have it’s downsides.

We’ve learned that “transition days” are difficult, where we wake up in one location and go to sleep in another. It involves packing, cleaning, traveling to our next place, unpacking, getting groceries, and learning the basics of the new domicile. There are dozens of little irritating questions you never think about in your own home that crop up on the road—Where are the light switches? Why aren’t there more outlets? How does the dishwasher work? Where’s the recycling?

Our recent schedule has been filled with transition days as we’ve gone from out-of-state travel to a few days at some friends’ house to three different pet sitting gigs back-to-back. I’m not complaining—the free lodging while pet sitting helps fund our travels—but it comes at a price. Walking, brushing, feeding, administering meds, play time, cleaning up messes, and dealing with behavioral challenges adds up.

The combination of closely packed transition days and caring for numerous animals has contributed to my stress. So when I read the phrase “Leave room in your garden for the fairies to dance,” here’s what it meant to me:

I need to build margin into my schedule. 

I’m a planner and derive great satisfaction from crossing things off my to do list. Reaching the end of the day with numerous things undone is a stress inducer.

What that Celtic blessing reminded me of was the need to plan for the unplanned. To add “deal with unexpected curve ball” to my list. Because those surprises come up with shocking regularity. A flat tire. An illness. Walking a stubbornly slow pet. Travel delays. If I “leave room for the fairies to dance” (a.k.a. margin) in my schedule, those stubborn interruptions will be far easier to take.

How’s your daily schedule? Is it filled to the minute? Are you feeling the stress? Plan for the unplanned. Expect the unexpected. Build in margin. Leave room for the fairies to dance. If you do, you’ll enjoy a more peaceful life, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

The 4 D’s: A Sustainable Response to Suffering

June 21, 2025 / / 0 Comments

Spoiler alert—the needs of the world are endless.

Poverty. Disease. Human trafficking. Food shortage. Climate change. Homelessness. Income inequality. Racism. Cancer. War. Political division. The list goes on.

For anyone who cares about the well-being of others, this deluge of suffering can be overwhelming. It certainly is for me at times. The problems of the world seem like a vast mountain peak, and in its looming shadow, I feel incredibly small.

In the past, I’ve fallen into three responses to the world’s pain:

1. DENY – I look away. Pretend the problems aren’t there. Focus on my own needs and desires. Cling to my distractions. Operate out of selfishness.

2. DESPAIR – Help a little here. Give a little there. Half-heartedly attempt a few good deeds without any plan or purpose because deep down it all feels hopeless. Operate out of guilt.

3. DESTROY – Become consumed with serving others. Act like it all depends on me. Drive myself to exhaustion. Operate out of duty.

None of these responses proved healthy or effective long term. But is there a better way? I think some keys can be found in this quote by the late Henri Nouwen, a highly regarded author, lecturer, and Harvard professor who left his enviable position to work with mentally challenged adults:

The more I think about the human suffering in our world and my desire to offer a healing response, the more I realize how crucial it is not to allow myself to become paralyzed by feelings of impotence and guilt. More important than ever is to be very faithful to my vocation to do well the few things I am called to do and hold on to the joy and peace they bring me.

henri nouwen

The healthy response to suffering that Henri describes is:

4. DEVOTION – Acknowledge the world’s pain without being consumed by it. Find one or two areas of suffering that resonate with your heart. Use your gifts to address them well. Let other areas go. Embrace the joy and peace you find along the way. Operate out of love.

We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that. This enables us to do something, and to do it very well.

Kenneth Untener in honor of Bishop Oscar Romero

Finding and maintaining a healthy response to suffering isn’t easy, but it is possible. Find where your passions meet the world’s needs. Use your gifts to meet them in sustainable ways. Rest. Let go. Trust that others will shoulder the burdens you were never meant to carry. Be joyful. Remember that you are loved. Love yourself. Operate out of that love. If you do, you’ll do your small part to ease the sufferings of the world, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Text excerpts taken from “You are the Beloved” by Henri J.M. Nouwen, © 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust. Published by Convergent Books. As shown in the Dec 21, 2022 daily meditation from The Henri Nouwen Society.

Prayer written by Kenneth Untener (bishop of Saginaw, Michigan, 1980–2004) in 1979 to honor Bishop Romero. See Scott Wright, Oscar Romero and the Communion of Saints: A Biography (Maryknoll, NY: Orbis Books, 2009), 153–154.

This post was originally published Jan 7, 2023.

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