Developing a Better You

Tag: personal development (Page 7 of 77)

The Price of Following a Dream

This might be a really bad idea.

For years, my wife and I have toyed with the notion of becoming nomads. We both love to travel, and as authors, we can work remotely. Our two kids are married and thriving. Other than our friends, our stuff, and our condo, there’s not much tying us to one place.

What if we ditched the mortgage, sold everything, and hit the road?Traveled the country and the world, living in AirBnbs, hotels, with friends and family, writing as we go? Free to live virtually anywhere at anytime—what would that be like?

It’s been an intriguing idea, but the timing never felt right. That’s what we told ourselves anyway. In reality, I lacked the courage.

Until now. 

Lisa and I have each lost a parent in the last eighteen months, which drove home the reality that life is short and the future is not guaranteed. And being in our mid fifties, we’ve lived long enough to learn that deferred dreams have a way of never coming to pass.

So we’re not going to delay any longer. A few months ago, we sold rental house #1. We’re in the process of selling rental house #2. We put our primary residence condo on the market last week, expecting to wait several months for a decent offer. It sold in two days.

Now we’re scrambling. We already took a significant step toward minimalism a number of years ago when we downsized from an oversized, overstuffed house in the suburbs to a one thousand square foot condo. Now we’re going even further. We’re trading in our 2007 two door sedan for a new SUV. Other than some boxes of important documents, treasured memorabilia, and favorite books in a closet at our daughter’s place, everything we own has to fit in our new home on wheels.

While this dream comes with a lot of freedom, flexibility, new experiences, and low fixed expenses, there are some strong downsides—giving up a place we can call our own, set up just the way we like it, that we can return to anytime. The grind of travel. Time away from friends.

Will we love this new life? Hate it? Burn out in six months and choose to buy or rent a full-time home base again? I have no idea. But I find I’m incredibly excited. And proud of us for taking this step into the unknown. Whatever the outcome, we’ll make some great memories and wont have to live with “what if?”

How about you? Do you have a costly dream? Something that would make the people around you scratch their heads? Maybe it’s giving up a lucrative career for an “impractical” one that makes you come alive. Or turning down a relationship that’s perfect-on-paper for someone who simply makes you happy. Or giving up TV and nights out to write that novel that you’ve been mulling for years. Think it through. Plan well. Choose your moment. Breathe deep. Then jump. At worst, you’ll fail while living boldly. At best, you’ll discover previously unknown heights of joy and fulfillment. Either way, you’ll take a giant leap toward Becoming Yourself.

The Moral Duty of Finding Inner Peace

Ultimately, we have just one moral duty: to reclaim large areas of peace in ourselves, more and more peace, and to reflect it toward others. And the more peace there is in us, the more peace there will also be in our troubled world.

Etty Hillesum

Etty Hillesum wrote those words in her journal while she was an inmate at a Jewish prison camp in 1943. She was killed at Auschwitz soon after at the age of twenty-nine. I am in awe that such wisdom and maturity came from someone in that bitterly cruel circumstance, let alone someone so young. 

Her description of the cultivation of inner peace as a moral duty really struck me. I often think of my pursuit of peace as a self-centered endeavor, one sought for my personal benefit. But upon reflection, it’s obvious that my having a greater sense of peace also benefits those closest to me. We all know there is a distinct quality difference between spending time with a prickly person or a peaceful person. So it makes sense to extend that idea beyond my immediate inner circle. The more I am at peace, the more peace I bring to every situation and person I encounter, and therefore the more peace I spread into our troubled world. 

So how do we cultivate inner peace? For me, there are both surface things and deeper things that help. The surface things are schedule balance, rest, a day off each week, prayer and meditation, time alone, time with family and friends, serving others, exercise, and hobbies I enjoy. The deeper things are having a sense of meaning and purpose, loving and being loved, and experiencing hope and security. I find those later elements in my relationships with God and the people closest to me. When my surface habits get out of rhythm, or I neglect those deeper relationships, I lose my sense of peace.

So how about you? How’s your inner peace these days? What surface activities help cultivate it? What deeper elements do you need? Establish peace-generating habits. Prioritize peace-giving relationships. Focus on expanding your inner peace today, for yourself and our world. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post (originally published in June 2021) was inspired by a meditation by Richard Rohr, founder of The Center for Action and Contemplation (www.cac.org). You can read more of Etty’s profound wisdom in that post here. The featured quote was by Etty Hillesum in An Interrupted Life: The Diaries, 1941-1943; and Letters from Westerbork, trans. Arnold J. Pomerans (Henry Holt and Company: 1996) p. 218.

Recover from Hard Times with the 3 Hs

I struggle to have life lessons stick.

Whenever I have a personal development insight, either taken from someone else’s wisdom or born of my own inner wrangling, I try to make it simple. Easy to remember. Sticky.

During a recent hard time, I came up with the 3 Hs. They are in no way new or novel. Many others have shared the same insights in different ways. This is just my own pneumonic attempt to remember these lessons and benefit from them in the future:

HEALING

I need healing for the wounds in my PAST. Acknowledge what happened. Embrace the pain. Have hard conversations. Forgive myself and others. Share the hurts with appropriate people. Learn from the scars. Let things go.

HELP

I need help with the issues in my PRESENT. These can be things like heath. A place to stay. Guidance. Money. Meaningful work. Managing important relationships. Do for myself what I can. Admit what I can’t. Seek help from family, friends, therapists, professionals, and agencies.

HOPE

I need hope for my FUTURE. Choosing a positive perspective. Believing something good is coming. Finding motivation to engage with life. Having someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to.

I’ve found these 3 Hs in myself, others, and God. I’ve done a lot of inner work “peeling my own onion.” I’ve opened up to family and close friends, asking for advice and help. I’ve been to therapy. I’ve prayed, trusted, and leaned on God. I regularly engage in physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual personal growth exercises. I am far from perfect and still struggle, but focusing on the 3 Hs has really helped me recover from hard times.

Where do you find the Healing, Help, and Hope? In yourself, in others, in your Higher Power? Try all three. Be honest. Do your inner work. Share appropriately. Be vulnerable. Ask for what your need. Be open to receive it. If you do, you’ll be on your way to recovery, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself. 

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