Developing a Better You

Tag: personal development (Page 7 of 86)

Want to Blow People’s Minds? Be Gratuitously Friendly

We were truly shocked. 

Our current nomadic journey has taken us to a variety of Alaskan towns on a cruise. My wife Lisa and I were returning from our morning hike on Canada’s Prince Rupert Island when a woman walking leisurely in front of us on the sidewalk stepped aside to let us pass. We waved our thanks and continued on. 

The woman caught up with us a few minutes later when we stopped to check directions. Lisa made a friendly comment and the woman responded warmly, asking us if we lived there. When we said we were visiting, she recommended her favorite sights and restaurants before wishing us well and moving on.

Fifteen minutes later, we were sitting on a bench admiring the beauty of Sunken Gardens Park when I noticed an elderly man slowly approaching along the path in front of us. He wore an unusually tall wicker hat and carried a circular hand drum, and was dressed in a tee shirt and shorts despite the chill air.

When the man reached us, he stopped and broke into an honest gap-toothed smile above his Gandalf-worthy beard. Given our previous experiences in the US and other parts of the world, we were bracing ourselves for a request for money.

We couldn’t have been more wrong. He had guessed we were visiting and just wanted to welcome us to his city. We thanked him, and Lisa mentioned how unpleasant it must be for the locals at times to have cruise ships full of people descend on their town. The man’s smile broadened. He told us his grandmother had taught him that the way he should respond to meeting new people was like this—he spread his arms wide in a gesture of acceptance.

This wisened old man shared how his First Nation culture highly valued community, with one of the four local tribes regularly hosting the other three for feasts. He said if we were in town longer, that we would be welcome. With a twinkle in his eye, he said, “We love to celebrate.” 

He waved his goodbyes and walked slowly off, pausing in a nearby tunnel to chant a song of his people to himself, simply for the joy of experiencing the acoustics. He was one of the warmest and most fascinating people I’ve ever met. 

As we made our way back to the ship, a young man sitting with friends in another park asked us if we were on the cruise. We engaged in a long conversation and learned he’d been a crab fisherman for thirteen years, sailing five hours out to sea in a small boat for up to ten days at a time. When Lisa commented on how exceedingly friendly everyone had been, one of the man’s friends said, “That’s our way here. It’s nice to know your neighbors.”

As we said our goodbyes and walked to the ship, Lisa and I talked of how unusual and delightful our experience of Prince Rupert had been. It motivated us to bring some of the gratuitous friendliness we’d encountered everywhere we go. 

Do you want to blow people’s minds? Be gratuitously friendly. It costs you little and gives much to you and those you meet. If you do, you’ll have a more joyful life, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Want a Better Life for Yourself and Others? Engage Socially

We’re fine on our own, thank you very much.

That’s been the perspective my wife Lisa and I normally take during our nomadic travels, especially on cruises. Cruise ships afford you the opportunity to be as isolated or as social as you choose. Both being introverts, Lisa and I tend to shy away from new relationships.

We’re challenging ourselves to change that. Part of the wonder of travel is not only the places you go but the people you meet. People from all over the world and from different walks of life. People we can learn from. People who make the travel experience, and our lives, a little richer. 

We’re currently cruising southeastern Alaska, soaking in some of the most stunning scenery we’ve ever seen. At lunch the other day, Lisa struck up a conversation with the couple at the next table (she’s doing better at initiating than I am). They were friendly and engaging, and we bantered comfortably.

Noticing their accent and feeling emboldened, I asked, “What part of Australia are you from?” The smiles froze on their faces. They said, “We’re from New Zealand.” I didn’t fully understand it, but I knew I’d made a social blunder. Later I overheard a man at another table ask them if they were from New Zealand. They enthusiastically said yes, adding how much they hate it when people assume they’re from Australia.

Sometimes you swing and you miss. 

But we persevered. At dinner the next night, Lisa again started a conversation with a new couple at the next table. They were lovely, and we found we had much in common. At the end of the dinner, we exchanged phone numbers and arranged to have dinner together the following night.

At the next dinner, I was struck by how many of the life experiences Lisa and I have had proved helpful to our new friends. One of them is a writer looking to break into the industry. As published authors, Lisa and I could share some insights. Their kids are younger than ours, and we talked about navigating the tricky transition to parenting adult children. They were interested in downsizing and traveling more, and we told them our journey to becoming nomads.

Lisa and I in Haines Alaska

By choosing to get out of our comfort zone and engage with new people, Lisa and I had a much more enjoyable experience. It also put us in a position to pass on some hard-won knowledge and make the road a little easier for someone else.

Are you, like us, normally reserved socially? Put yourself out there. Strike up a conversation. Engage with people. Be ready to learn. Share the life lessons you’ve gained. If you do, you’ll have a richer life while helping others, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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Want a More Interesting Life? Do More Interesting Things

It was a humbling moment.

In training for our walk across northern Spain next spring on the Camino de Santiago (I wrote about how that came about HERE), my wife Lisa and I recently hiked Wind Cave Trail in Mesa Arizona in the US. While ascending a steep section, we stepped aside to allow a faster couple to pass us. We saw the couple clearly for the first time on reaching the summit. They were seventy-three years old.

I complemented them on their hiking speed up the challenging ascent. The woman shrugged and said, “This was a slow day for us. It took us thirty-five minutes when we normally do it in thirty-three.” (Lisa and I are in our mid-fifties, and it had taken us almost an hour). They were getting ready to hike through Glacier National Park.

As we took in the hard-earned view, we fell into conversation with another woman our age. She told us that she’d struggled with depression and poor health earlier in the year before deciding to start hiking. She’d summited this trail every day for six months straight and had now rebounded both physically and emotionally.

I’m more motivated than ever to continue training because of these encounters. I realized we’d only met these interesting people because we’d decided to do an interesting thing—walk hundreds of miles across Spain on the Camino de Santiago. Had we not committed to this adventure, we wouldn’t have hiked to Wind Cave and wouldn’t have met these inspiring people.

My wife Lisa and me on Wind Cave Trail

Are you feeling in a rut? Does your social interaction feel stale? Choose to do something interesting. Take a modern dance class. Learn tai chi. Volunteer for Meals on Wheels. Travel to a place you’ve only seen on Instagram. If you do, you’ll have a more interesting life with interesting people, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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