Developing a Better You

Tag: personal growth (Page 1 of 62)

Reflections from a Park Bench in Paris

Bonjour from Paris.

I write this while sitting on a park bench, having just finished a ham and cheese baguette with hot chocolate. The Louvre art museum with its hoards of Saturday visitors are in the distance. I wandered the grounds earlier, but I had no desire to fight the crowds for a return trip inside. 

The autumn afternoon is cool and gray, a welcome change from a summer spent baking in the Phoenix sunshine. A young man in a leather jacket sits on a bench to my left, reading a book. Further on, a girl rests her head on her father’s shoulder. Aside from the cawing of crows, the park is quiet, and I’m alone with my thoughts.

Me in the park as I write this post

My wife and I are intentional nomads, having no permanent address, living in different places for varying lengths of time. In the four months since our nomadic journey began, we’ve stayed in hotels, AirBnbs, with my dad, her sister, our daughter, and friends, including several pet sitting gigs. 

Not always knowing where you’re going to lay your head is an odd feeling, but one we’re acclimating to. While we plan in advance, we’re trying not to lock ourselves in too much and lose the spontaneity this lifestyle affords.

Being natural planners, spontaneity is a challenge. As we sat eating our breakfast crepes this morning, Lisa remarked on how our walk to the cafe had been closer to a march than a stroll, more like a mission to be accomplished than a saunter to be savored. 

I’m taking her observation to heart during my afternoon alone in Paris. I’ve been wandering in a general direction, then veering toward whatever catches my eye. So far it’s led me to walk along the Seine River, peruse art and magazines for sale on sidewalk carts, and to this lovely park. I grabbed lunch when I was hungry at a nearby food stand without dithering or checking its Yelp reviews. 

The writing of this post is itself an act of spontaneity. I had no plans to do so, but finding myself in this beautiful, quiet place led me to take out my phone and start typing. Is it helpful? Is it interesting or worthwhile to anyone else? I can’t answer that. All I know is that it felt right. I followed the urge to write, and this is what came out. 

So what’s my point in this missive? I’m not sure I have one. Maybe my example of spontaneity encourages you to be more spontaneous. Maybe my wife and I making the leap to live our nomadic dream gives you motivation to make a leap yourself. Maybe my reflections in a Parisian park inspire you to take time for your quiet pondering (you never know what may bubble up).

Whomever you are, whatever obstacles you face, wherever you’re at on your journey, be a little spontaneous. Take a leap toward living a dream. Do some quiet reflecting. If you do, you’ll find new color and a fresh breeze enter your life as you take another step toward Becoming Yourself. 

The US Election Will Soon Be Over—Then What?

I’m guessing you’re as tired of it as I am.

The texts. The robocalls. The yard signs. The commercials. The mailers. The ads that clutter your social media feeds. In the US, the election season feels endless.

It’s almost over (election day at least—who knows how long the objections, recounts, and lawsuits will last). But when the dust settles, we’ll all still be here. How will we act if “our side” wins? Loses? How can we move forward with grace and unity (hopefully assuming that’s our goal)?

I resonated with the following perspective from Sikh activist and author Valarie Kaur. It helped me prepare for living in a post-election world. I hope it does the same for you as you take another step toward Becoming Yourself. 

What does it mean to return to a kind of wholeness where the way that we love informs what we do in the world and what we do in the world deepens our love?….

What I want to remind us all is that as much as we must fight for our convictions and stand for what is just, remember that all those people who vote against you are not disappearing after Election Day or Inauguration Day. We have to find a way to live together still. The only way we will birth a multiracial democracy is if we hold up a vision of a future that leaves no one behind, not even our worst opponents. So you might be in the position to have that conversation with the neighbor down the street or the uncle at the family table or the teenager who doesn’t want to vote because she’s too cynical. What might happen if you leave them alone? [Philosopher] Hannah Arendt says isolation breeds radicalization. [1] You might be the person to puncture the [social media] algorithm, to sit in spaces of deep listening—and deep listening is an act of surrender. You risk being changed by what you hear. 

We don’t see those spaces modeled in the world around us. We have to create them in the spaces between us. Oftentimes it means listening over time, being in relationship. Human beings mirror each other, so if you come with daggers out, they’ll come out daggers out. If you come out and you really wonder “Why?,” beneath the slogans and the soundbites, you’ll hear the person’s story and you’ll see their wound. You’ll see their grief. You’ll see their rage. You might not agree with it, but I’ve come to understand that there are no such things as monsters in this world, only human beings who are wounded, who act out of their fear or insecurity or rage. That does not make them any less dangerous, but once we see their wound, they lose their power over us. And we get to ask ourselves: How do we want to take that information into what we do next? 

I invite people to take their wounds [and] their opponents’ wounds into spaces of re-imagination—of imagining an outcome, a policy, a relationship that leaves no one outside of our circle of care, not even “them.” This kind of labor, this kind of revolutionary love, it’s not the sacrifice of an individual, it’s a practice of a community.  

When we invite people to practice revolutionary love, we always ask, “What is your role in this season of your life?”…. Whatever you choose, it can be a vital practice of love, of revolutionary love. And if all of us are playing our role—not more, not less—then together we’re creating the culture shift that we so desperately need.

[1] See Hannah Arendt, “Ideology and Terror: A Novel Form of Government,” in The Origins of Totalitarianism (New York: Harcourt, 1976). Adapted from Valarie Kaur, “Becoming a Sage Warrior,” Daily Meditations, October 28, 2024, Center for Action and Contemplation, video, 38:13. 

Do What Makes You Come Alive

As I’m currently on book tour, I thought this would be an appropriate post to reshare. It was originally published July 15, 2023. I may be in your area this week and would love to meet you! If interested, check the details at the end of this post.

I struggle with my dream job of being an author.

I don’t mean struggling with the deadlines, the overwhelming edits, the endless marketing efforts, or the career’s inherent financial uncertainty (though those are all painfully real). I mean struggling with the “impractical” nature of writing fun spooky books for a living. With so much suffering in the world, is this really how I should be spending my limited time and energy?

Then I remember what these types of books meant to me as a child. I was a scared kid, afraid of almost everything—the dark, bullies, the woods, the basement. But I loved spooky stories. They allowed me to experience fear in a safe, fun way. And when I saw the characters in these stories face their fears, it gave me the courage to face my own.

As an adult, the impact of stories on me has not lessened. I’m grateful everyday for the bit of escape, of relief, of inspiration, of enlightenment, of recharging that diving into a well-written book or show provides. Stories help me grow and face life with a better attitude and focus.

One of my goals as an author is help kids fall in love with reading, because reading leads to greater understanding, compassion, and empathy for others. I believe those are beneficial traits to develop, especially in our divided world.

Lastly, writing stories and sharing them with others makes me come alive like nothing else. If philosopher, theologian, and civil rights leader Howard Thurman was right, that’s a good sign I’m where I belong:

Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

howard thurman

What do you love? What makes you come alive? Cooking? Cycling? Wood-working? Designing? Dancing? Working in a food pantry? Find it. Do it. Share it with others. If you do, you’ll help yourself and the world, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

SPECIAL NOTE: I’ll be on book tour with my author wife Lisa McMann from Oct 11-26, 2024 with events in Arizona, Pennsylvania, Michigan, Colorado, and Texas. I’d love to meet you! For details, see the graphic below or visit my website HERE.

« Older posts

© 2024 Becoming Yourself

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑